Anxiety... Of all varieties

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Jaguar4life

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
1
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#1
Hi. I am a 27 year old male who suffers horrible anxiety. Social, health, general.. You name it. I'm never fully in control i feel because I'm always in my head. Worried about who likes me or what people think. Worried about my health. I feel like people just don't like me. Unfortunately it's not just in my head. For example at work, some clown can start obnoxiously blabbering on and people flock to them. An obvious exagerator who tells tall tales gets lots of attention. People who are hyper or even calm... Loud or softspoken.. Doesn't matter. They all get more attention than me. I try to be assertive. I try to engage people in conversation but i feel within minutes they are completely bored and never really come back to talk to me again. Someone can tell a bland dumb joke and people are rolling around laughing. I tell a whity funny joke and it's like they are staring at an annoying child. I dont know what to do. How do i strengthen my social skills. How do i get people to WANT to engage me want to be around me. I feel kinda lonley in a way. Like I cant entertain people or that I'm not fun to be around. And that sucks.. Any advise..
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
181
#2
Hmmm.
Stating the obvious but increased experience generally means greater confidence. Better confidence in dealing with tricky situations with people, and better confidence and experience with banter.
And equally, isolating oneself or withdrawing can result in decreased confidence and increased fear when one eventually does have to socialise.

There's probably a reason why you have the deep engrained belief people don't like you.
I also want to ask the question what sort of people do you want to associate with? Maybe some of the people you crave attention from aren't worth it. I have often realised with time that some people who I wanted some kind of assurance from were actually not worth it. I might as well not have bothered because they were just draining types of people who I wouldn't have any real friendship with anyway.

I think you need to identify the kinds of acquaintances you want to make and understand your own boundaries better. Not giving time or energy to toxic people, instead developing healthy networks where people share similar interests to you, for example. Lowering your expectations from human beings, unless they show themselves to be worthy of your time.

With time I start to see people in general as insecure, wanting approval. Basically everyone wants it. Why do you think social media is so big? People want approval and they are desperate for it to the point they will go to endless means to get it. There are different types of approval though. You wanna seek out the right type.

Also there seems to be a lot of judging going on - you appear to pass judgement on both others (E.g. calling their jokes bland and dumb) and yourself somewhat harshly(e.g. writing yourself off as boring.) Could it be that your judgements on others are reflections on the judgements you make on yourself? Or that your judgements on yourself are reflections of the judgement you make on others? Maybe you think people are always judging because you judge yourself or so you feel judged, resulting in you assuming others are judging you. Well there's this constant judging cycle going on, I think I said judging about 50 times in the last ten lines, but i'm just parodying the judging because judging realistically, in reality I judge that there isn't that much judgement going on! You see what I'm getting at here, the judgements are just a ridiculous and pathetic aspect of being human. Hell, we're human, we judge others to make ourselves feel better but it's just silly really and ultimately there's a lot more going on to life than judging which is why some people have worked that out and our living their lives without giving a cahoot. I think you need to read "The subtle art of not giving a fuck". Pardon my french.