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anxiety, ocd or delirium? PLEASE HELP :(

V

violetfleur

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Feb 16, 2021
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Hello! since November I started with anxiety symptoms. In December I started with very strange and distorted thoughts.
This thought was feeling split, like I was in two places at once and it scared the hell out of me. I felt strange, I felt like I was not in the real world and I felt like I wanted to escape or "wake up from the nightmare". These thoughts were accompanied by strange sensations such as anguish and the urge to cry. Then I thought I was going crazy and I was afraid of losing control and harming my family or myself. The latter got me very out of control and I came to think that maybe I had done something terrible like murdering them and that now I was imagining them. Then to this thought was added the fear of the idea that I was the only conscious being in the world and that it was all part of my imagination, as if I was crazy living an illusion and other existential thoughts. I had many panic attacks because I knew that all those thoughts were irrational but they became an obsession and every day since then I think about them, I analyze them, I try to give them an explanation and I have the feeling that I am not living in reality, as if I were trapped in another world. It is as if my mind wants to confuse me, because I see that everything outside is still normal, my family is fine and inevitably I remember those thoughts and I refuse to believe them but they are always there and they make me doubt. I cry every day, I feel that I have lost the will to live, I see no sense in anything, I feel empty, sad and unhappy. I am attending therapy and my psychologist told me that it was generalized anxiety, however I am very afraid of developing a serious mental illness. I don't know why I had these thoughts, but I feel like my perception has changed and I just want to be well. Please help me, is this anxiety? obsessive compulsive disorder? a delusion?

Excuse my English, it's not my native language.
Thank you all.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Jan 4, 2021
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I'm so sorry. That sounds horrible and extreme.
Welcome here!
 
S

sunnyday3

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Apr 16, 2021
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blue skie
you will be okay, when i first found out i had anxiety i felt like i was going crazy too. anxiety makes you feel like your losing your mind but your are not. i think what you are experiencing is called intrusive thoughts. which are negative and scary thoughts. when you are having those thoughts its important to breathe and ground yourself. i thank you for sharing your story because it will help other people going through the same thing. you will be okay, and overcome this and be able to help someone else. dont give up on yourself,you can do it
 
M

ManDss

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Apr 22, 2018
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Argentina
To me sounds like you have a pretty disturbed thinking, sounds like bad social relationships, am I right ? You dont have many people you feel comfortable talking ? Being apart from good social inyeraction, bad thoughts, spending time alone, can disturb any people's mind a lot. Do you spend lot of time in internet, that can be very bad too, or watching series, and shows.
 
J

Jolly

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Dec 26, 2020
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674
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United Kingdom
Welcome. I too suffer GAD and a phobia. It is very debilitating. I do mindfulness and deep breathing but these have to be done every day to gain benefit. I now have more good days than bad. I have suffered with this for many many years. I also keep control of it through meds. If you have a good day that is positive thing. Keep up with therapy. I go today for mine. I feel for you.
 
V

violetfleur

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Feb 16, 2021
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Hi guys, thank you very much for replying ❤
It's been a while, I feel better today. I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, dysthymia and depersonalization/derealization. I'm not on meds but CBD oil and have been feeling good, I have no physical symptoms of the anxiety although my obsessive thoughts remain (hard to forget them) but they're not intense. The most disturbing thought I have is about existence and I feel a kind of hyperconsciousness that makes me feel like my mind is separated from my body, as if my body is in automatic mode, according to my psychologist it is due to depersonalization and because of this my existential thoughts remain. With respect to the fear of harming someone or myself, little by little that fear has been diminishing although sometimes I think about it but I just try to breathe, I know I would never do something like that. I can say that today I feel more depressed than anxious. I hope to get better. Greetings and thanks again.
 
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