Anxiety in the way of work and hobbies

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ThyLegacybeHorror

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Mar 11, 2017
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#1
About 11 years ago I was diagnosed with ADD, severe clinical depression and anxiety. I was about 14 when I first started suffering from both disorders and while I am medicated for my ADD, and something to help me sleep, (I used to have VERY bad nightmares caused by the depression and anxiety) it seems like it still gets in the way with EVERYTHING including my hobbies, relationships, and work life. I'm a musician (vocalist, death metal, not in a band currently, still living with parents which makes me feel like a big loser) but everytime I want to try and practice my vocals it seems like I just come up with excuses due to myself beating the crap out of myself because I expect better than what is put into action. Same thing with EVERYTHING else. I just started a new job that's extremely fast paced, (today was my first day) and I feel like everyone is looking at me and thinking "Wow this guy is a real moron" and "what a pushover. What's his problem?" I get insanely nervous when I have to ask anyone for anything and can't keep eye contact with anyone. Not even my best friends who I also find excuses and reasons not to hang out with them, then end up, as you can guess, beating the ever loving snot out of myself. It's like I can't ever say "no" lest I then become the "jerk who isn't worth crap" I feel like either way I'm screwed. Say yes, I get ran over. Say no, I'm hated. Ask for anything or help, I'm an idiot. I really believe the source of all of this was caused by my ex fiancé who ended up cheating on me with one of my "friends" for 2 months behind my back, then leaving in the middle of the night without me knowing it. I used to not be this badly "stressed and hopeless" until then. I feel extremely unattractive due to my teeth being in bad shape, and having no self confidence. Its like the world is against me, and there's no chance of ever being accepted or liked. Can you guys please help me and give some advice?
 
burt tomato

burt tomato

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#2
:welcome: to the forum.

I think you need to take your illness seriously and work on your recovery. As for your friends, you need to be yourself, and follow your heart.

In regards of work, you need to take it easy. Its just a job. I am of the school of thought that says you work to live, and not take it too seriously. Have a laugh.
 
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Default12259

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#3
Just wanted to say that whilst you are working, finding someone who can support you for a period of time if you can afford it could be really helpful to get you through stressful times at work and help tackle your thinking.

I came across human givens therapy which looks very helpful. I know the name sounds a bit unusual, but its basically about certain human needs being a given (if i remember rightly).

As for your teeth, which seem to be knocking your confidence - if you'd like to, whitening them might help your confidence a bit - I think ordinary Pearl Drops toothpaste can help to a degree but I wouldn't use it all the time because you don't want to wear the enamel. Have you treated yourself to a trip to a hygienist for a scale and polish? Do you use floss? Simple salt water gargles can help any gum issues. Of course, I'm not a dentist but they are all things that have tried and found helpful.
 
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Wanderingwillows

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Mar 10, 2017
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#4
I know once you've been hurt or exposed to unhealthy behavior it's very damaging. I can relate so much to your thoughts of not feeling okay saying no without being rude or a jerk and getting walked on when saying yes. As hard as it is you need to find a way to balance yourself with others and let go. Don't think too much and try not to care about what anybody thinks of you for you looking after yourself because after all that's what they are doing. You're not a loser for living with your parents. I live with mine too. I think it's really common these days. Yeah it doesn't feel good and it can be embarrassing but you aren't trapped and just because you live somewhere it doesn't devalue who you are especially if you aren't doing anything wrong. You can move on and live independently when you are able to and that's what important. I know what you mean with singing too. Just do it. Force yourself to do it. It doesn't matter how you sound in that moment because by practicing more you'll get better and better. No one becomes an expert if they let their expectations stop them from expanding their abilities. Keep doing things that you know you love and do them even if it makes you feel bad or you don't feel good enough. You are good enough and you are worth everything you put into yourself. I'm really sorry that someone hurt you so horribly. It's so messed up what people will do with no conscience. I really feel for you. It's better you didn't end up with someone who wasn't being honest. Blessing in disguise. I'm pretty positive no one thinks of you like that in your work place but even if they did who are they? At the end of the day you are valuing others opinions more than your own and that is the trap. You need to care about how you feel and do things to makes yourself better as well as feel better. Sometimes it better to not fit in because fitting in isn't always a good thing. People don't have to like or accept you and not everyone will but as long as you are accepting and loving towards yourself and your trying to progress that's all that matters. You accepting yourself is what truly matters.
 
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ThyLegacybeHorror

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#5
Thank you so much for this! You're truly an awesome person! It seems like I always tend to beat myself down but I've been trying to keep telling myself "you're okay. You're doing well. Keep it up." And it seems to be helping a little bit. I just have to come to terms and understand that only I can make my life choices instead of others making them for me. Actually now that I think about it, at the end of the day, i'm the only person still there trying to make it through another day. That was some excellent advice. Thanks again! You've opened up a few options for me to explore!
 
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ThyLegacybeHorror

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#6
Thank you everyone for your replies! You all have been very, very helpful! I'm gonna go to the dentist in a couple of weeks and start some dental work. In the meantime I'm gonna keep trying to better myself instead of beating myself up, and I'm gonna take the time to learn to let things go more easily. It's like that one saying "Sometimes holding on does more damage." I just gotta keep up my spirits and love myself more. Thank you again, everyone!
 
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Wanderingwillows

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#7
So are you! This made me smile. I'm really happy I could be of help to you ThyLegacyBeHorror.
We have more power than we give ourselves credit for. Our subconscious is always at work. The more we feed our mind with talk that is supportive and progressive the more we will start to feel and act that way. Stop being so hard on yourself. Have faith in yourself. You're a beautiful creative being and you have all the power within you.
I'm here if you ever want and or need someone to talk to.
 

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