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Anxiety for HOCD

ZaraHOCD

ZaraHOCD

Active member
Joined
Jan 13, 2021
Messages
34
Location
Pennsylvania, Philadelphia.
Hello, I hope you are OK.

My name's Zara, and I am a twenty-year-old female suffering from HOCD. My anxiety level has been rising constantly, it's exhausting. This all occurred after watching Caso Cerrado's new commercial, where Dra. Polo (the judge) appears massaging a woman's breast. I began overthinking if I liked watching that. ALL. DAY. I wasn't aroused, although I thought I would be. That's what bugged me. I later found out that Dra. Polo was rumored to be in a relationship with a fellow woman. Also, the other day, while I was on a call with my parents, they mentioned a friend of mine, a lesbian. This brought me back to a memory I had while speaking to her approximately eight months ago when this tragedy began. I believe this was, forsooth, where it all began. We were in a call, you know, catching up with each other when she brought up anime. She adores anime. I believe she was seven-years-old when she began watching what was of anime then. Actually, to this day, she still watches it, and I've learned a thing or two, too, from listening to her anime ranting sessions. This time, she mentioned a so-called "Momo" (not the Mother Bird creature statue thingy). She sent me a picture of her after she told me I looked like her somewhat. I thought she was pretty, and there it was...HOCD. "Am I gay?" "What if this means I'm secretly lesbian?" "In denial?"
After that day, I regularly began speaking to her...for reassurance. For example, asking her about different animes, searching up the female characters she simped for, testing myself for reactions, etc. I lived with the belief that if I believed that a woman was rather pretty, that'd mean I was gay, so every time my lesbian friend (let's call her Sou) would show me a picture of a woman and expect me to admit of her beauty, I would say, "EEW." She later said that my behavior was suspicious, triggering me even more.
At last, I told her about my anxiety, OCD, etc (she didn't know, she's kind of a new friend). Although, before that, she had told me to 'chill out about being straight' and 'explore my sexuality', which triggered me even more.
I'm just fairly upset because I believe my anterior behavior could've made various people believe I was a lesbian. It's also exhausting how I just can't stop overthinking the same thoughts I've overthought overthinking thoughts.
Help...
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
898
Location
Southern USA
Can you possibly speak to your doctor?
I'm so sorry. I see you posting all the time about your fears.
Best luck!
 
S

Sebastian9

New member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Ecuador
Hello, Zara.
I feel totally identified with your post. I started with these obssesions like 1 year and a hald ago, it al started due to a groinal response (very common in HOCD), after that everything got worse, I spent many hours a day thinking about this problem. This response made me think that I was becoming gay, and then my head was full of these thoughts. Just to let you know, I had already gone to therapy, it helped me a little bit, but since Doctors in my country are not specialized in OCD, I didn't have a proper therapy, and this HOCD comes and goes. As I can see, you live in the US, I am sure you can find an excellent professional to help you, and trust me, therapy is going to help, these thoughts are not real, this can be solved, just tell about this to a person that you really trust, and then look for a doctor that is specialized in OCD. Good luck!
 
H

Hope1986

Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2021
Messages
12
Location
VN
Hello, Zara.
I feel totally identified with your post. I started with these obssesions like 1 year and a hald ago, it al started due to a groinal response (very common in HOCD), after that everything got worse, I spent many hours a day thinking about this problem. This response made me think that I was becoming gay, and then my head was full of these thoughts. Just to let you know, I had already gone to therapy, it helped me a little bit, but since Doctors in my country are not specialized in OCD, I didn't have a proper therapy, and this HOCD comes and goes. As I can see, you live in the US, I am sure you can find an excellent professional to help you, and trust me, therapy is going to help, these thoughts are not real, this can be solved, just tell about this to a person that you really trust, and then look for a doctor that is specialized in OCD. Good luck!
Can i ask how about your OCD now ? And what did therapy do ?
 
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