Anxiety disorder or worse?

N

Nandos

Guest
When I got an intrusive thought. It made me fear I was homicidal. I did compulsions to prove to myself I didn't want to kill and it made me feel like I had ocd not a murderer. They feel fake I don't think it's ocd. I feel sometimes like maybe I am homicidal. I get caught up and think one day it's going to happen and that I want it to happen. I'm normally terrified when that happens but the anxiety is less When I'm unsure I test myself like I go tap your left finger if I you want to kill right if you dont. Ive never said I want to kill. I doubt myself. I don't trust me when I say it in the mirror. I'm in so much doubt all day and can't tell if I want to do it. Sometimes it appeals to me. The idea of being homicidal does scare. maybe that's false. I avoided violent video games to prove to myself I'm not for violence but my mum helped me back into them. It wasn't to hard. I look for reassurance most days. But all others are just different types of testing. example wash your hands if you don't want to kill your family. They are all voulentry. I did once have thought where I thought there was a baby in my room I knew it was stupid but if I didn't look for up to 2 hours I was a baby killer. Am I over thinking? I'm not full of rage. I thought about suicide (id never do it) because of the fear in the past but I'm not too depressed. Just a little bored of life because of fear. I have cleaning liquid in my phone so hard to type. Had depersonlization and been to doctors/therapist. My hands have germs on sorry.
 
O

Overseer

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 16, 2016
Messages
45
Location
Auckland,New Zealand
You have complete control over your own body regardless of the thoughts. Can you lift your hand up when you want to? If you think must lift hand, but don't try to lift it, will it lift? Thoughts and actions are two separate things.Otherwise you would have done everything in your daydreams, in real life.

What you are seeing is like an image of you doing something bad. When you see this , you confuse reality. Its like virtual reality games.

None of these actions you suggest will have any impact on whether you kill or not. Maybe you are confusing an accident with an on purpose action? Everyone has accidents. They do control them, but due to poor perception or concentration they choose the wrong action. This is not the case here. You cannot mistakenly decide to stab someone. Please try the thinking V doing activity of: thinking im going to move this body part and seeing that it does not move.
 

Similar threads


Top