Anxiety & Depression

[averyf]

Hi there. I hope I make sense when trying to explain my feelings.
Right off the bat I want to disclose that I “have”,”deal”,”diagnosed” with anxiety/depression. My mental health has been the shits since the pandemic started, but it has gotten worse as the months went by,due to loss of my job, financial burdens etc. I’m fully self aware that I’m not in the best mental state. I’ve been trying to keep busy & stay positive but also with the colder darker either arriving, my depression has suck in full force. Long story short. RECENTLY, I just feel like I can’t handle being alone (after my boyfriend goes home, or him not coming over at all during the week because of his schedule) I’m exhausted all the time. I’m very in tune with my body so I know when ive completely shut down, mentally. I’ve been feeling very scared to be alone, I live alone. I don’t See friends much as they all have their own families. I just don’t feel safe being alone, I hate being alone right now. It’s not like I’m scared of harming myself, nothing like that. It’s just I feel very scared of being alone, I don’t feel safe or supported. When my boyfriend is here I feel safe, I feel like if I broke down I’d be ok, or when he is with me I’m not thinking or worried about anything else because I’m living in the present. I don’t want to sound needy and cause an argument but is it wrong of me to want him here when I know mental health is terrible right now? What should I do? I’m at a loss. I get so much more depressed when he leaves and go into the rabbit hole and stay in bed all day or stay up all night worrying about everything and then sleeping all day. I’ve never felt alone like this before, fear of being alone. Thanks for the help in advance.

 

[TheHollow]

I'm probably not the best person to talk about this as I'm fine being alone, so I would start with questions. How do you think your available support system would react to being available? Not just your bf, but friends/family. I moved to a new place and was alone for months before my fiance joined me. Whenever I didn't want to be alone, I would call my family and argue about politics (a fun family past time).

 

[averyf]

My family and I don’t really talk, pretty estranged, some would say. My boyfriend has school and work and he also likes his own space and his convenience of having his things at his place and not having to pack and commute. I just feel very stuck, I also couldn’t afford to be in university this year. So there’s just a lot of stuff dragging me down.

 

[bpd2020]

Hello averyf and welcome to the forum. I can totally understand you feeling safer and happier when your boyfriend is with you. When we are struggling and alone the thoughts are more present and we have no escape. Having somebody with us gives us something else to focus on and it is a distraction.

Have you any support from your doctor? Depression and anxiety can be helped with therapy and medication.