Anxiety & Depression

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Emotinium

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#1
Hi,



I am a 19 year old boy who has a generalised anxiety disorder for about 2.5 years now. At least that's what was observed right at the start, but I've never been 100% sure about it. I had my blood tested for 5 weeks and I am still waiting for the results.



Some complaints are very difficult to explain exactly, but here are a few examples;



- Depressive thoughts

- A kind of intoxication that is physically/mental and very difficult to explain.

- Feeling as if some emotions and feelings are blocked.

- Dizziness

- Never at ease

- Fear of losing control



In the beginning I mainly experienced fear complaints, but nowadays this is increasingly suppressed by gloom. I've been busy for 2/3 years now to pick up my life again, but so far I've only taken minuscule steps. Because of my complaints I have lost many friends and I had to stop my studies and job. Every day I lose more and more hope for happiness.



I have done various forms of therapy such as EMDR and cognitive behavioural therapy. Some have had some effect, but it has far from achieved the desired effect I had hoped for. I also take medication; Fluoxetine 10mg. I feel this drug is no longer working, so I'm now considering to stop. In the past I also took a higher dose of this medicine, but this caused me to suffer from hallucinations.



The pressure from outside has always been there for me, but it is increasing more and more. I have goals in my life, but they are still unattainable because of my fears and gloomy feelings. I long to be able to discover myself without negative obstacles.



My depressive symptoms are becoming more severe and I lose more hope for a positive outcome by the day. I am afraid that I will never again have the chance to live as a normal person. I often feel alone and I am afraid I can never start a relationship with anyone. I don't feel worthy enough for this and I don't want to bother anyone else with my symptoms. This thought makes me very gloomy.



I have never had the chance to develop myself as a healthy person in life. Partly because of my youth and this process is still going on. I want to discover who I am, what I love, what makes me happy and where my passions lie.



I hope I can get tips from you to feel better. I would like to hear your thoughts about a blood test and my gloomy and anxious feelings and what you can give as tip(s) in my situation.



I also share my past which you can read as an optional point to find out more about what I have experienced in my past and possibly how my anxiety disorder has developed.



My parents divorced when I was 4. My mother had a new man who abused me (mentally and physically) until I was 13 years old. I have been in rotten situations every day. I was taught to live as an introverted person and had to think 100 times before I said anything. This has had a huge impact on my life. Therapy has made me more extrovert, but as yet I am still anxious in my head before I say something. I have left a lot of tears and nowadays there is something in myself that doesn't allow me to start crying. Something that is quite frustrating, because sometimes a jar of crying can take a negative charge off your shoulders. When I was freed from my mother's husband I got some more peace, but in my head it was still an enormous chaos. Nevertheless I could make friends. In the first 2 years after that period I was quite rebellious. I challenged teachers and had a big mouth about everything and everyone. After those 2 years I chose for different kind of friends. I started experimenting with alcohol and weed. Weed didn't fit me as a person at all, but this made me stand further from the real reality. In principle I had enough attention from girls, but because of my uncertainty I did nothing with this. During this period I really lived like a robot, but nevertheless I had graduated from school and went to study. The blowing became daily and I experienced fearful moments. A high point was in the classroom when I experienced an enormous anxiety attack. It took me 4 hours to get home. I had decided to do mushrooms once with friends and this also gave me enormous fears. I really did everything I could to stand further from reality. Until the moment I got hyperventilation in a sober state, it only went worse. I lost my studies, job, friends and the chance to live as a free person. After 3 months I went into therapy for this. Afterwards it was clear that at some point it had to go wrong.

Let me now is something isn’t clear. English isn’t my native language so there is a possibility that some thing are nog written correctly
 
C

cookoo

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Mar 16, 2019
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#2
you do realise that people who live normal lives are just better at controlling their anxiety right? you sound like most 19 year old guys the only difference between you and another 19 year old maybe that youre actually aware that you have these depressive thoughts whilst another teenager might not even know that they are suffering from anxiety. use you're knowledge of your mental health to your advantage. i took me 3 years to understand that i was suffering from depression and in those 3 years i argued with my family lost my friends and my job.
 
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Emotinium

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#3
Thanks for your reply,

You are right. Before I had my down fall I had anxiety and depressive thoughts too, but it didn’t effect my life like it does now. It has gave me some sort of wake up call.

Now I don’t know where to start anymore.. I did several sorts of therapy, but non really did the trick. Meds don’t work as well.. Even alcohol makes me anxious, because I am afraid of losing control.. One of my goals is to be able to drink a beer with friends again..

I’m way too alert on everything what’s happening inside my mind and body. Sometimes it gives me the feeling that I’m going crazy. I don’t know how to stop it.. Then it gives me the fear of losing control and that gives me depression.. So its a circle of things which seems to doesn’t end and it makes me very tired.

I’m curious how you are doing now.. And maybe have some tips on things which helped you a lot.
 
T

teasemjar

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Mar 18, 2019
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#4
Hi! I've suffered anxiety and depression before when I was working in a company, I was being stressed by my boss and co-workers and pressured in every tasks. But I read different kinds of advice from several groups and pro and they gave me something to try. Tea becomes a part of my life that gives me relaxation and freed me in anxiety and depression, you can check this link for more tea information https://blog.piquetea.com/matcha-green-tea/
 
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cookoo

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Mar 16, 2019
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#5
Thanks for your reply,

You are right. Before I had my down fall I had anxiety and depressive thoughts too, but it didn’t effect my life like it does now. It has gave me some sort of wake up call.

Now I don’t know where to start anymore.. I did several sorts of therapy, but non really did the trick. Meds don’t work as well.. Even alcohol makes me anxious, because I am afraid of losing control.. One of my goals is to be able to drink a beer with friends again..

I’m way too alert on everything what’s happening inside my mind and body. Sometimes it gives me the feeling that I’m going crazy. I don’t know how to stop it.. Then it gives me the fear of losing control and that gives me depression.. So its a circle of things which seems to doesn’t end and it makes me very tired.

I’m curious how you are doing now.. And maybe have some tips on things which helped you a lot.
I’m lucky enough to have a very supportive family so when I had hit rock bottom i had a lot of help. What helped me in the beginning was confiding in one person who I trusted my life with. I also avoided everything that I knew was stressing me & causing me anxiety. It’s not easy but if you really want to put your mental health first you’ve got to just stop and allow yourself to breath. Everything else can wait. Discussing your thoughts with your GP is key to get on the right medication. I started citalopram and now on mirtazipine. Meditation & learning to control my breathing really helps too. I excercise daily and I’m pretty much just allowing myself to live a very boring dull unexciting life pretty much like a monk. You might want to follow jay Shetty (motivational speaker) on Instagram and YouTube he really inspired me & motivated me to put my MH first before anything.
 
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Emotinium

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#6
Hey thanks for your reply,

Tea makes me calm in stressful situations, but I don’t believe that there is any tea which is going to get me rid of al my complaints. But if I ever stumble against the tea from the link I will give it a try.

I am now busy to lower my sugar intake to take down insulin spikes. I heard it may take a while for results, but at the end there will be.
 
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gam9147

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#7
Hi,

Are you concerned about or do you have diabetes? Blood sugar spikes are bad, but its low blood sugar that causes symptoms like panic attacks. Though with your age, its unlikely to be that condition unless you already knew about it prior.

You've had a lot going on in your life, and my wisdom is sadly going to be that its going to take some time for you I think. I wouldn't give up on therapy, it will take some time, and medications similar. It can take 6 months for a SSRI medication to go into effect fully. Obviously one without hallucinations would be much better though, so do find the right one for you.

Drugs are only going to contribute to that feeling out of control, so trying to reduce those or limit, if you have not yet is also key.

I have also found meditation and breathing to be helpful. Definitely keep those up
 
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Emotinium

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#8
Hi,

Are you concerned about or do you have diabetes? Blood sugar spikes are bad, but its low blood sugar that causes symptoms like panic attacks. Though with your age, its unlikely to be that condition unless you already knew about it prior.

You've had a lot going on in your life, and my wisdom is sadly going to be that its going to take some time for you I think. I wouldn't give up on therapy, it will take some time, and medications similar. It can take 6 months for a SSRI medication to go into effect fully. Obviously one without hallucinations would be much better though, so do find the right one for you.

Drugs are only going to contribute to that feeling out of control, so trying to reduce those or limit, if you have not yet is also key.

I have also found meditation and breathing to be helpful. Definitely keep those up
Hi,

Yes I am concerned about having diabetes. I don’t even know if concerned is the right answer, because if I have something physical it will be a lot easier to explain what I have and be accepted by other people. I will get my blood results this afternoon, but I’m not fully happy on what I did the test on. In my opinion there isn’t everything where I did a test on which can cause anxiety. They did test on sugar, but I read that if you want to properly test on diabetes the procedure would be different. My uncle and grandfather have diabetes so it is in the family.

Yesterday I did discuss with psychologist to do a different sort of therapy ; Schema therapy. Hopefully there would be a good positive outcome of it. I am not planning to let past another year with almost no progress. I know some things takes time, but I am not able to wait years before I feel better.

I don’t do any drugs, because it gives me fear of losing control. I did enough of that stuff in the past and don’t have any needs to do that. I did learn from it. Only thing what I want to come back is the ability do enjoy a beer(s) at a bar, just because I enjoyed it in the past and I want to have my freedom back to enjoy alcohol.
 
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gam9147

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#9
Oh I certainly didn't mean to imply it would take years of therapy to feel at all better. You should see some benefits sooner. I don't know I'm not terribly long into my therapy myself but already some of the techniques I'm learning and practicing I feel have taken my anxiety down from 8-10 on bad days to 5-6. And that's something.

Sometimes it takes exploring all kinds of therapy to find whats right for you. I did cognitive behavioral before, now I'm working on dialectic. I haven't heard of schema, but I don't think there are 'bad' therapies, you try it and see what works.

Regarding blood sugar, at your age, your extremely unlikely to have type 2 diabetes, especially if there is no family history of it at that age. Type 1 maybe but usually that is diagnosed much earlier in childhood. In any case your getting the tests done and they should be pretty simple. For type 2 you get an A1C test which measures your sugars over 6 months, so it is pretty accurate because its a 6 month duration it doen't get 'fooled' by short term good or bad behavior. I'm curious what test you had done, it shouldn't take 5 weeks to get results back from nearly anything.

In any case, it will only be a matter of time before you can hopefully rule it out. I had panic attacks back in January that I thought were blood sugar and I was diabetic, but they were happening after I ate, and didn't completely behave like low blood sugar symptoms. still I got anxious and have been anxious ever since. You can easily figure out if your panic attacks are blood sugar related by using a blood sugar finger prick kit which are pretty cheap to get especially if you only occasionally use. When you feel a panic attack, go test your sugar, if its not extremely low (<60 us system, forget what the range is for UK), then your probably just having a panic attack.
 
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Emotinium

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#10
Yeah, it always a journey to search what’s best for you, but my journey is feeling like its taking forever. Tbh I am doubting to look for another psychologist if this therapy which I am doing now isn’t going to work.

My depression which is caused from anxiety isn’t making things easier either. I feel constantly very gloomy. It’s some sort of circle where I am in which is very hard to get out.

I did get my results today and everything was sort of fine, except that vitamin D was to low, so I am going to take supplements now. I don’t espect a miracle to happen after my levels fine again, but hopefully it will help me a bit. My sugars where also fine. It do gives me some sort peace that there isn’t anything else wrong with me besides my vitamin D.

Hopefully one day we both can live our lifes with less anxiety and more peace. I wish you luck on your journey. :)
 

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