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Anxiety? Depression?

DiddyKong

DiddyKong

Active member
Joined
Feb 9, 2015
Messages
39
Location
Brisbane, Australia
I had an experience today which freaked me out a little.

I've never really spoken much about what goes on inside my head. I feel as if I'm just seeking sympathy from someone when I try to confide in them, which makes it difficult to really self analyse, when my opinion is the only side I am really aware of. For a while now I have had these weird episodes in which I feel as if I'm almost trapped in my own body, I lay there with barely any energy or will power to do what I really want to.

I digress. For the past two days I have been having one of my 'episodes', in which I basically become a recluse. I seclude myself and function on a bare minimum level.

Well, my experience that I had earlier today was a little different then usual. Although I've had similar experiences in the past, this is the first time in a long time that this has happened.

I forced myself out of bed to eat and to shower this morning, I had been super glued to my bed for a few hours before I managed to muster to ability to do this. [This is hard for me to write, my mind goes numb, and I'm finding it difficult to describe how I felt, but I'll keep trying.] Anyway, I was feeling numb and hadn't been able to make sense of why I was feeling so zombie like, so I took a cold shower. Once in the shower I thought I would be able to snap out of it and open my mind up a bit with the shock of cold water. To the contrary, my body and mind almost went to third person mode, I felt I had little control and my emotions ran wild. I placed my hands on the wall and hung my head, then it became hard to breath (I'm pretty athletic, so this was a scary surprise), I clutched at the wall not knowing what was happening. While I tried to compose myself I managed to ease my breathing, I then reached for the hand rail and dropped my head again. Tears began to run down my face as I forced myself to gain control, I managed to stop the tears, but the feeling remained. I felt as if I was going to drop to my knees, to almost beg for and understanding of how I felt, why my body and mind were acting like this.

Although I managed to hold myself up and not fall to my knees, the feelings still haven't ultimately left me. I'm not sure if it was anxiety, or what, but has anyone experienced anything similar?

Sorry if my details are vague or lack descriptive quality, I really struggled to put this post together...
 
W

WindowOnReality

Guest
Hi. I'm sorry you are going through this. I am as well. I can relate to a lot of what you said. It may be depression or anxiety or both. I've been diagnosed with both. But hang in there. ;)
 
DiddyKong

DiddyKong

Active member
Joined
Feb 9, 2015
Messages
39
Location
Brisbane, Australia
Thank you very much. Like I had said, I haven't really spoken out about this to much, this is my first time really. This is effecting me way to much now though, so I think it's time I go see a doctor...

Go get checked out, thank you again.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I agree that it's probably a good idea to see a doctor.
Your experience could well be anxiety. I've had similar experiences myself that are usually down to anxiety or derealisation.
Hopefully you can get some help and advice from the docs soon and you're not waiting too long.
 
DiddyKong

DiddyKong

Active member
Joined
Feb 9, 2015
Messages
39
Location
Brisbane, Australia
I went and saw a doctor today which was greatly disappointing...

The doctor was busy at the time very rushed. I told him about my issues and mentioned the anxiety attack, told him about my fatigue and mental strain.
As soon as the doctor heard me say fatigue he signed me up for a blood test, even though I mentioned to him several times after that it was mainly a mental issue.
Even after mentioning how physically fit and active I am, he still wanted to pursue his avenue.
I hope that this is standard protocol or something and not just a rushed doctors attempt to get me out as fast as possible.
Either way I think it may be best to go see another doctor.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I do think this is pretty standard, and it's good to rule out any physical health issues.
I really don't think there's any harm in having blood work done and think it's a wise move.

Did the doctor offer you a follow up appointment at all?
If you haven't got another appointment arranged, definitely make a new one - hopefully they'll have your results back and if nothing is out of the norm, in a way it'll help you drive your point that it's more mental health related.

I'm wondering also if they were a bit busy because it was a Friday. I appreciate you might not always be available at certain times, but it makes sense to try and make your next appointment when they're not so busy (like early in the day/week).

Anyway, i'm sorry you were disappointed with the outcome of this appointment. Hopefully next time you'll get a bit more help.
 
DiddyKong

DiddyKong

Active member
Joined
Feb 9, 2015
Messages
39
Location
Brisbane, Australia
All very good points...

I will definitely make an earlier appointment asap pending my blood test results, and go from there...

I do have to understand that it is probably just standard (no harm) protocol, and they were extremely busy...
I guess I kind of went in hoping he'd be able to diagnose me on the spot and have a miracle cure or something...

In the mean time, I'm just going to focus on being able to actually open up with people about it. I told my first person in real life yesterday about my experiences and how I was feeling about everything, and she couldn't have been a better support, it was amazing... I'm opening up and it feels good...
 
L

LittleBee

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2015
Messages
4
Hi

I would definitely go back for another appointment and ask to see a different GP if necessary.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I hope it doesnt put you off from getting the help you deserve.
 
DiddyKong

DiddyKong

Active member
Joined
Feb 9, 2015
Messages
39
Location
Brisbane, Australia
I hope it doesnt put you off from getting the help you deserve.
Thanks... :D

Although a disappointing experience, I've been feeling very determined to get something done about the issues I've been having...
I feel as though I've had enough of feeling down and out, it's about time I take control...
So I am not discouraged, don't worry...
I've started researching a lot into anxiety and depression, and am now looking into other illnesses for more understanding of what the mind does to people...
It's both interesting and sad at the same time, but it's a sickness that people need help with, and the more I look into it, the more I'm finding people I know both directly and indirectly are living with depression and other illnesses... < This is only spurring me on to get more informed and to conquer this...
 
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