S
Stratuss
New member
I'm experiencing some anxiety, depression and negative thoughts at work. I've keep thinking my superiors are judgmental of me, that they don't like me, that I will be fired l, even though there's no indication whatsoever that my superiors are not satisfied with my work. I read too much on what they say, in their expressions, I keep thinking I'm not doing a good job myself, that I'm not good enough, and that I should start looking for a new job in fears of being let go. The occasional compliment makes me absurdly emotional.
I have 4 children ages 4-13. They always ask me to play with them but I have no desire, because I have no energy. I'm a little overweight so I've been feeling tired. Not being able to play with my kids brings me sadness, irritation, frustration...
I've been married for 16 years and I'm madly in love with my wife. For the most part it has been heaven, but we have our share of problems. I'm am very affectionate. I kiss, I hug, I hold hands, touch, physical contact is so important to me. I say I love you constantly...she is my world. I have a problem because, she does not reciprocate the way I act...she likes watching TV with me, to go out with me...she likes my company. I know for sure she loves me, she only doesn't show the same way I do...I get that...but I have such a hard time with it. I interpret it as being rejected, constantly shut down... constantly. It brings me much sadness, I get down, I get easily triggered by my kids. I become passive-aggressive, she becomes passive-agreessive... and days or weeks can go bay like that before me, yes, always me, raise the white flag. It's hard...after 16 years it hasn't gotten easier.
95% of the time I have to initiate intimacy. 80% of the time I'm told to get it done quickly. This hurts me. Intimacy is huge for me. I often say that I don't want to just have sex, I want to make love...to be one, to connect, to be together in this intimate state...it's something so sublime for me, I long for it. Sometimes I fell offended when all that's offered by my spouse is a "quick release"... she doesn't get it. Most often, however, I'm rejected. It's been like this for 16 years. It makes me extremely sad, brings me down, and it lowers my self esteem... I feel worthless. Makes me think things like "Maybe if I lost some weight she would be more into me", other things as well like working out, doing a nose job, showing confidence and pretending her lack of affection does not bother me, like I'm above it... anything and everything to make she react more.
She has told me several times, however, that she loves me for who I am...making me think that no matter what I changed...that's who she is, that's her way of being, she is not like me and I can't change that...I just need to accept and deal with my frustrations...and that's what I've been trying to do...for 16 years that's what I've been trying to do.
I just think lately this has had a much deeper impact in my self-esteem than I ever realized. Days can go by without any expression of affection if I'm not actively seeking it. I think that affects my days at work, my insecurities, my fears are exacerbated, I'm almost constantly feeling down, depressed, my relationship with my kid is not so great because I'm short on patience, I have mood swings...
Is there a cure for this??? Please tell me there is...can I take something so I don't feel…or so I can feel happy or indifferent when I'm rejected or no affection is shown towards me? How can I move on and just brush off these feelings? Is there something that can replace it? What, where do I find it??? Please where can I find it? How can I get my self esteem back?
I often feel like I'm a failure.
I have 4 children ages 4-13. They always ask me to play with them but I have no desire, because I have no energy. I'm a little overweight so I've been feeling tired. Not being able to play with my kids brings me sadness, irritation, frustration...
I've been married for 16 years and I'm madly in love with my wife. For the most part it has been heaven, but we have our share of problems. I'm am very affectionate. I kiss, I hug, I hold hands, touch, physical contact is so important to me. I say I love you constantly...she is my world. I have a problem because, she does not reciprocate the way I act...she likes watching TV with me, to go out with me...she likes my company. I know for sure she loves me, she only doesn't show the same way I do...I get that...but I have such a hard time with it. I interpret it as being rejected, constantly shut down... constantly. It brings me much sadness, I get down, I get easily triggered by my kids. I become passive-aggressive, she becomes passive-agreessive... and days or weeks can go bay like that before me, yes, always me, raise the white flag. It's hard...after 16 years it hasn't gotten easier.
95% of the time I have to initiate intimacy. 80% of the time I'm told to get it done quickly. This hurts me. Intimacy is huge for me. I often say that I don't want to just have sex, I want to make love...to be one, to connect, to be together in this intimate state...it's something so sublime for me, I long for it. Sometimes I fell offended when all that's offered by my spouse is a "quick release"... she doesn't get it. Most often, however, I'm rejected. It's been like this for 16 years. It makes me extremely sad, brings me down, and it lowers my self esteem... I feel worthless. Makes me think things like "Maybe if I lost some weight she would be more into me", other things as well like working out, doing a nose job, showing confidence and pretending her lack of affection does not bother me, like I'm above it... anything and everything to make she react more.
She has told me several times, however, that she loves me for who I am...making me think that no matter what I changed...that's who she is, that's her way of being, she is not like me and I can't change that...I just need to accept and deal with my frustrations...and that's what I've been trying to do...for 16 years that's what I've been trying to do.
I just think lately this has had a much deeper impact in my self-esteem than I ever realized. Days can go by without any expression of affection if I'm not actively seeking it. I think that affects my days at work, my insecurities, my fears are exacerbated, I'm almost constantly feeling down, depressed, my relationship with my kid is not so great because I'm short on patience, I have mood swings...
Is there a cure for this??? Please tell me there is...can I take something so I don't feel…or so I can feel happy or indifferent when I'm rejected or no affection is shown towards me? How can I move on and just brush off these feelings? Is there something that can replace it? What, where do I find it??? Please where can I find it? How can I get my self esteem back?
I often feel like I'm a failure.