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Anxiety depression derealisation help

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PaigeTWoods

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
69
Hi everyone,

I have been living in an alternate state for almost a year now and I really need some advice because I feel this is never going away.

To start off, last year I moved back home to save. Big mistake because my family is very disfunctional at the best of times. Around this time my dad was suffering major depression, drinking 24/7 and in a downward spiral. He tried to commit suicide twice while I was living there. I also had a dog who was my world, she became sick this year too coughing and getting sick constantly as her heart was deteriorating. I also started doing a masters and changing role in work to a guidance counsellor (I was kinda forced into this role and wasn’t sure it was for me). At home I was fighting a lot with my mam and sister too.

So all this was going on for a year, stressed in work, stressed in college, stressed at home and couldn’t sleep at night because I was fearing for both my dog and my dads life if I fell asleep maybe that would be the night they died. Then my world came crashing down on me, a student in my school who I was counseling died of a brain injury, my dad tried suicide again and my dog (and soul mate) died while in the vet overnight. My world imploded.

I began having panic attacks 24/7, couldn’t eat or sleep. Felt like I was going crazy or dying it alternated. I had also moved out of my parents at this stage hoping that the stresses would be gone but it was too late. I ended up in a&e after 1 week of no sleep. This is when I started on anti anxiety meds.

Over time the extreme panic attacks went but I am left with this horrible feeling that nothing is real. I am detactched from my self, my loved ones, my life, my memories everything. Nothing seems real anymore. This has been a constant state of mind for a year now and it has caused depression. I sometimes feel like the only way to end this is to die.

I have tried everything, I have been going counseling for a year, taking meds for a year nothing working. I want to quit college and work. I feel I have gone crazy. I don’t know who I am anymore nothing feels real or right and I am not confident I can ever go back to the way I once was.

I know this is a super long post but I just want anyone who has any insight into what might be happening to tell me cause I am so confused nd scared. Any words of comfort or advise would be so appreciated.

Thanks so much
 
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Jenjbear

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Slc utah
Paige, I understand what you're going thru. In 2010 I had ECT treatments and it was a miracle. From there I took Citalopram (Celexa) 40 mg's for a couple years. Then I was able to cut back to 20 mg's for several years. Just a couple months ago I fell into a deep depression. I'm currently getting ECT treatments and am coming out of my depression. The doctor also upped my dose of Citalopram to 40 mg's. I've tried a few different antidepressants over the years and have found Citalopram to work the best. Citalopram is used for depression, panic disorder, & ptsd. I highly recommend ECT treatments, and Citalopram. Best wishes, I hope you get well.
 
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PaigeTWoods

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
69
Paige, I understand what you're going thru. In 2010 I had ECT treatments and it was a miracle. From there I took Citalopram (Celexa) 40 mg's for a couple years. Then I was able to cut back to 20 mg's for several years. Just a couple months ago I fell into a deep depression. I'm currently getting ECT treatments and am coming out of my depression. The doctor also upped my dose of Citalopram to 40 mg's. I've tried a few different antidepressants over the years and have found Citalopram to work the best. Citalopram is used for depression, panic disorder, & ptsd. I highly recommend ECT treatments, and Citalopram. Best wishes, I hope you get well.
Thanks so much, I will definitely look into ECT.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Admin
Moderator
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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
22,282
Location
England
Hi,
I'm so sorry about your dog and that you've been struggling so much.
Can you go sick from work to have a good rest etc? Have you tried a combination of drugs it works for some.
Dying isn't the answer, please if you feel suicidal get urgent help from your dr or A/E.
Which drugs have you tried? Was it just counselling you tried?
Tell your tutor so it's taken into account that your sick.
Take care
 
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PaigeTWoods

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
69
Thanks for your reply. I will have a break in May for 3 months so just waiting for that. I am taking 75mgs of sertraline (tried Effexor before and it didn’t work). I have only tried psychotherapy and that is it. I am considering telling someone in college about what is happening because I am falling way behind.

Anything else I could try?

I really appreciate your reply.
 
C

Choutts

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Germany
Hey Paige,
sorry to hear about your dog and dad. I feel it, one of my dogs died from cancer (the oldest one) and that crushed me. Well if the little fella was suffering I guess its for the better. Im very anxious myself and went through phases of total deattachment, but still you are brave to go for treatment and face it openly. Stay strong my friend and try to enjoy the moments with your family, theyre very important and so are you!
Kind regards!
 
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