• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Anxiety Concerning My Job

A

AlaBskt23

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Alabama
Hi All,

Apologies for the long post:

I've been with this company for a little over 5 years. This company is easily the best company I've ever worked for and I intend to stay until they force me out, or there's a severe culture change. Since being hired on, I've been promoted three (3) times and have had a total salary increase of $40,000. I feel like I'm valuable and that I do a good job. I've never had a performance review that wasn't "Exceeds expectations." It's probably reasonable to say my employer does as well based on these facts. I have a great reputation at this company.

I had an experience at another employer where I was forced out, out of nowhere, for something that wasn't ultimately my responsibility. The company felt bad about what they were doing since "I wasn't a threat to the company and they liked me" that they let me stay on for a month so I could find something else and documented it as a layoff. All of this was totally out of the blue. No bad performance reviews or write-ups. Absolutely nothing. Ever since then, I've had a really hard time trusting my employer, no matter how well things are going.

Fast forward to now. I have a great boss with whom I have a great relationship with. She's never given me a reason not to trust her. She's been a great mentor, and has always encouraged me to come talk to her if I have something going on personally. She's a very caring person, as well are my teammates. One thing she has always told me is if something is going on, to "Never unpack and live in that situation mentally, or it can cause you to make mistakes here at work or elsewhere." I have a hard time with letting things consume my every thought, and I catastrophize a lot.

My wife and I were having issues for a week or so recently. Thankfully all of that has been resolved. During this week though, I was a complete basket case. I thought I was losing the greatest thing that had ever happened to me and we were going to wind up divorced. I needed to talk to someone constantly and I was going back and forth talking to my boss and a few co-workers on a fairly regular basis. I didn't get much done that week. I took care of the things that needed to be done, but it was very difficult as my mind was not there at all.

We received some documentation that week that I needed to review and send out to other team members. My review wasn't my normal work and I missed a few things. Nothing major, but things were missed and it caused double work for a team that works close with our team. This resulted in the supervisor of that team contacting me and my boss asking if their team screwed something up and how they could help going forward. I took total blame for it and committed to a better review in the future. I talked to my boss about it and she said it wasn't a big deal, and later on if a similar situation came up and my head wasn't in it, to ask her or my teammates for help when reviewing these documents. She said "We all go through stuff, it's okay to ask for help."

I'm very hard on myself, so at this point I'm wondering if I'm in trouble. My performance review is coming up, and I overheard my boss and her boss talking about me and this particular situation. The walls are very thin in our offices so you can hear things sometimes. My boss did state to her boss about my issue and was telling her about telling me to ask for help next time. There were some other things and I couldn't make out what was being said.

Before I left for the day on Friday, I was talking to my boss and asked when my performance review would be, and she said it would be sometime in the next couple of weeks. She had been on vacation and had to complete the paperwork for it. I half jokingly/half seriously asked her if it was going to be a good review, and she looked at me funny and asked why I would even question it. She laughed and said "Let's see..since I've been here for the last year, I've given you a promotion, and 2 raises. I don't think you have anything to worry about." She and her boss have always told me "There shouldn't be any surprises when you have your performance review."

My boss and I sometimes double date with our spouses. We were supposed to go out this weekend and she cancelled due to her son being sick. As stupid as this sounds, my brain automatically goes to that she cancelled because she didn't feel comfortable being around me because she's going to fire me next week. When I told her I was having anxiety about my job in conversation later, she didn't respond, which makes me worry even more like she was avoiding it.

So, really, am I overthinking all of this? I think that I probably am, and my wife even sat down with me and said the same. She said I'm 100% confident you're not losing your job and your superiors wouldn't treat you that way. Am I just catastrophizing again?
 
B

Bobbyewing

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
217
Location
Dublin
You are over thinking this. You were distracted and made a mistake. It happens. Based on what you said up to now you have had a good performance.
I'd sit down with your boss and let him know you were under a bit of personal stress and it has passed. He should understand that.
As to the marriage id try to get to the bottom of what happened and why. Take time to deal with the issues. It's like storm window's. Too late when the storm hits.
As to the double dating - if it's already a pattern leave it as is but don't over do it as I always think it's a good idea to have some distance professionally.
You won't be fired because it was not that big a deal as you described it. Not fatal.
 
A

AlaBskt23

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Alabama
You are over thinking this. You were distracted and made a mistake. It happens. Based on what you said up to now you have had a good performance.
I'd sit down with your boss and let him know you were under a bit of personal stress and it has passed. He should understand that.
As to the marriage id try to get to the bottom of what happened and why. Take time to deal with the issues. It's like storm window's. Too late when the storm hits.
As to the double dating - if it's already a pattern leave it as is but don't over do it as I always think it's a good idea to have some distance professionally.
You won't be fired because it was not that big a deal as you described it. Not fatal.
Yeah, I let her know that my external issues were causing me the not be mindfully present in my job. She understood and said next time for me to reach out and ask for help. The marriage part is fine now. Basically it was lack of intimacy, and we discovered it was our Dog that was causing the issues strangely enough. Things have been great since then, so no issues there.

The double dating is maybe once a quarter or so. Sometimes others tag along as well, so I think we're good there. Thanks so much for the reassurance!
 
H

Henry McDonald

Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2021
Messages
17
Location
Texas
From one overthinker to another, I get it. I have anxiety at work constantly, but here’s something that I’ve come to spot sometimes whenever I’m in that headspace: if I write super-lengthy emails or text messages about the issue at hand, then I’m most likely overthinking things. (See where I’m going with this?) That’s just me, of course.
 
D

DinahMae

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Vancouver, WA
Hi All,

Apologies for the long post:

I've been with this company for a little over 5 years. This company is easily the best company I've ever worked for and I intend to stay until they force me out, or there's a severe culture change. Since being hired on, I've been promoted three (3) times and have had a total salary increase of $40,000. I feel like I'm valuable and that I do a good job. I've never had a performance review that wasn't "Exceeds expectations." It's probably reasonable to say my employer does as well based on these facts. I have a great reputation at this company.

I had an experience at another employer where I was forced out, out of nowhere, for something that wasn't ultimately my responsibility. The company felt bad about what they were doing since "I wasn't a threat to the company and they liked me" that they let me stay on for a month so I could find something else and documented it as a layoff. All of this was totally out of the blue. No bad performance reviews or write-ups. Absolutely nothing. Ever since then, I've had a really hard time trusting my employer, no matter how well things are going.

Fast forward to now. I have a great boss with whom I have a great relationship with. She's never given me a reason not to trust her. She's been a great mentor, and has always encouraged me to come talk to her if I have something going on personally. She's a very caring person, as well are my teammates. One thing she has always told me is if something is going on, to "Never unpack and live in that situation mentally, or it can cause you to make mistakes here at work or elsewhere." I have a hard time with letting things consume my every thought, and I catastrophize a lot.

My wife and I were having issues for a week or so recently. Thankfully all of that has been resolved. During this week though, I was a complete basket case. I thought I was losing the greatest thing that had ever happened to me and we were going to wind up divorced. I needed to talk to someone constantly and I was going back and forth talking to my boss and a few co-workers on a fairly regular basis. I didn't get much done that week. I took care of the things that needed to be done, but it was very difficult as my mind was not there at all.

We received some documentation that week that I needed to review and send out to other team members. My review wasn't my normal work and I missed a few things. Nothing major, but things were missed and it caused double work for a team that works close with our team. This resulted in the supervisor of that team contacting me and my boss asking if their team screwed something up and how they could help going forward. I took total blame for it and committed to a better review in the future. I talked to my boss about it and she said it wasn't a big deal, and later on if a similar situation came up and my head wasn't in it, to ask her or my teammates for help when reviewing these documents. She said "We all go through stuff, it's okay to ask for help."

I'm very hard on myself, so at this point I'm wondering if I'm in trouble. My performance review is coming up, and I overheard my boss and her boss talking about me and this particular situation. The walls are very thin in our offices so you can hear things sometimes. My boss did state to her boss about my issue and was telling her about telling me to ask for help next time. There were some other things and I couldn't make out what was being said.

Before I left for the day on Friday, I was talking to my boss and asked when my performance review would be, and she said it would be sometime in the next couple of weeks. She had been on vacation and had to complete the paperwork for it. I half jokingly/half seriously asked her if it was going to be a good review, and she looked at me funny and asked why I would even question it. She laughed and said "Let's see..since I've been here for the last year, I've given you a promotion, and 2 raises. I don't think you have anything to worry about." She and her boss have always told me "There shouldn't be any surprises when you have your performance review."

My boss and I sometimes double date with our spouses. We were supposed to go out this weekend and she cancelled due to her son being sick. As stupid as this sounds, my brain automatically goes to that she cancelled because she didn't feel comfortable being around me because she's going to fire me next week. When I told her I was having anxiety about my job in conversation later, she didn't respond, which makes me worry even more like she was avoiding it.

So, really, am I overthinking all of this? I think that I probably am, and my wife even sat down with me and said the same. She said I'm 100% confident you're not losing your job and your superiors wouldn't treat you that way. Am I just catastrophizing again?
Thanks for the overview. Okay, it looks like you need a handy tool to stay on track: when catastrophizing, notice it. Once you're aware, stop what you're doing at that moment and talk to the thoughts For example, you notice the fear around losing your job. Stop - and go outside or into the restroom. Say out loud, "Hi there fear. You really think I might lose my job? What evidence have you got? Isn't it a passing feeling? I've got a lot of documentation showing that I am a valued employee. Please take a breath and calm down. I'm in charge now." Repeat as needed, and soon you will be able to do this in your mind, without having to speak aloud.
 
R

RPK2

Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2021
Messages
5
Location
United Kingdom
I have performance anxiety as well. The problem with it is that the more you worry, the more mistakes you can end up making. The evidence is that you've had a promotion and two raises in the last year. Your competence is not the issue here, it's how you react to your mistakes. It's difficult because when you have a perfectionist mentality, you beat yourself up over any mistakes and that can just cripple you. We're not perfect, we all make mistakes and you won't get fired from one mistake. Challenge those irrational thoughts when they crop up and let the logical side of you come back and re-assess the situation.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
J Problem concerning College is giving me anxiety Anxiety Forum 4
T Sinus Anxiety Anxiety Forum 3
A Health Anxiety Episodes Anxiety Forum 6
R Please just tell me what worked for your terrible anxiety..... Anxiety Forum 12
MrBond007 My anxiety is just not stopping. Anxiety Forum 4
HopefulCockatiel I'm going crazy or it's just anxiety Anxiety Forum 10
R Anxiety Anxiety Forum 5
A Emet Anxiety Help Anxiety Forum 0
S How can I better handle anxiety from bad memories from when I was 14? Anxiety Forum 4
L Planning a Pregnancy and suffering from anxiety Anxiety Forum 1
MrBond007 Anxiety/OCD over created fighters in a video game. Anxiety Forum 1
C Anxiety or ms?? Anxiety Forum 8
L Anxiety over Pap Smear Anxiety Forum 7
R Separation anxiety in adults Anxiety Forum 1
F Anxiety & insomnia Anxiety Forum 2
E Hoping its anxiety and not rabies Anxiety Forum 1
M Thoughts maybe ocd and def anxiety Anxiety Forum 6
W Anxiety Attack Symptoms For Almost A Week Anxiety Forum 4
L Is This rationel or is it anxiety and OCD? Going crazy Anxiety Forum 2
Topcat Anxiety causing school refusal Anxiety Forum 15
C First post here for social anxiety Anxiety Forum 4
C Work-related anxiety getting out of control Anxiety Forum 4
M How to stop anxiety ruining the fun Anxiety Forum 1
I Insomnia and anxiety Anxiety Forum 3
B Anxiety after counseling Anxiety Forum 4
F Lorazepam .5mg for anxiety Anxiety Forum 2
J Is it anxiety, autism or something else? Anxiety Forum 4
B My dreams are full of anxiety. Anxiety Forum 1
jajingna Nearly 20% of American adults have an anxiety disorder? Anxiety Forum 2
M Anxiety Anxiety Forum 1
A Escitalopram And Anxiety Anxiety Forum 10
A Learning to cope with anxiety Anxiety Forum 6
N Fears and anxiety Anxiety Forum 10
Dingo16 Dealing with party anxiety at college Anxiety Forum 5
T Severe health anxiety over not sneezing is ruining my life. Anxiety Forum 5
A Health Anxiety Anxiety Forum 6
M Anxiety Anxiety Forum 2
MoonChild84 Responsibility Anxiety! Anxiety Forum 8
Bod Do You Suffer From Anxiety Anxiety Forum 4
W High Anxiety Anxiety Forum 1
H Anxiety? Anxiety Forum 4
H Partners Anxiety Anxiety Forum 9
P Noise anxiety Anxiety Forum 6
A DO I HAVE ANXIETY OR SOMETHING ELSE?? Anxiety Forum 12
T Temperature spike anxiety attack? Anxiety Forum 1
Scott Chegg Toilets and social anxiety Anxiety Forum 1
T a very good tip to cope with anxiety Anxiety Forum 1
S Anxiety (dpdr) and St. John’s Wort Anxiety Forum 2
M Physical symptoms of anxiety... so confused Anxiety Forum 4
BethNicole Sertraline for panic/anxiety Anxiety Forum 13

Similar threads

Top