Anxiety around going back to university

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flavouredapples

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#1
I'm beginning to feel very anxious about returning to university in a few weeks.

This will be my third and final year, so I'm completing a dissertation as well as other essays. In March, I was broken up with by someone - very suddenly and in a fit of anger (this person has BPD, so this was not the first outburst) and to be honest, it left me very traumatised and depressed over the summer. I do not feel any better, and university is creeping up on us. I go to uni with this person, they're in my class. I'm anxious about that, too - I'm not over this person whatsoever.

I don't have any friends in class, and I am dreading having to do everything on my own - whereas before I was spending my time with my ex and I felt a lot more relaxed. Now I'm having to go back into that environment and the situation is totally different. This person doesn't talk to me anymore - I tried to reach out a couple of times after they said we could be friends, and they just didn't respond. So that's filling me with anxiety.

I also thought that I would feel better by the time I went back, but the thought of having to do all that work and a dissertation and handle seeing my ex who's probably moved on is all really overwhelming. No one seems to understand and I feel very alone. I've had several panic attacks at home just thinking about going back to uni, and even going to the shop makes me anxious, so I have no idea how I'm going to start going to uni and being around so many people.
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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#2
I'm beginning to feel very anxious about returning to university in a few weeks.I also thought that I would feel better by the time I went back, but the thought of having to do all that work and a dissertation and handle seeing my ex who's probably moved on is all really overwhelming. No one seems to understand and I feel very alone. I've had several panic attacks at home just thinking about going back to uni, and even going to the shop makes me anxious, so I have no idea how I'm going to start going to uni and being around so many people.
That is a very stressful situation. I went thru similar, but not the same, situations in college. Looking back, I wish I had dropped some classes and found a different set of people to hang out with at lunch, dinner, parties etc. -- in order to avoid drama from certain guys I had dated.

It isn't always easy or possible to switch colleges or drop classes though, so I know it's quite a predicament. You definitely have to focus on taking good care of yourself to get through all that important work.
 
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flavouredapples

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#3
That is a very stressful situation. I went thru similar, but not the same, situations in college. Looking back, I wish I had dropped some classes and found a different set of people to hang out with at lunch, dinner, parties etc. -- in order to avoid drama from certain guys I had dated.

It isn't always easy or possible to switch colleges or drop classes though, so I know it's quite a predicament. You definitely have to focus on taking good care of yourself to get through all that important work.

I know some of it is probably my own fault - I shouldn't have dated someone from class, for example... but I didn't intend to date anyone when I signed up for uni. I also didn't think that someone would dump me in such a hurtful way. This person doesn't seem to care that their actions have affected me and won't even talk to me about the situation, or agree on how to be civil with each other. I am literally being ignored. To go from intense closeness to nothing overnight, then having to see them around - it's like a nightmare, lol.

No, it's not possible here to change my classes or university. I know it's going to be hard. I feel like the waiting is part of the anxiety too. I just wanna get to next term so I can see what's going to happen, so I can deal with it. Gone over every possible situation in my head, need to just deal with it now.
 
HauntedWitch

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#4
I know some of it is probably my own fault - I shouldn't have dated someone from class, for example... but I didn't intend to date anyone when I signed up for uni. I also didn't think that someone would dump me in such a hurtful way. This person doesn't seem to care that their actions have affected me and won't even talk to me about the situation, or agree on how to be civil with each other. I am literally being ignored. To go from intense closeness to nothing overnight, then having to see them around - it's like a nightmare, lol.No, it's not possible here to change my classes or university. I know it's going to be hard. I feel like the waiting is part of the anxiety too. I just wanna get to next term so I can see what's going to happen, so I can deal with it. Gone over every possible situation in my head, need to just deal with it now.
Oh no, it absolutely is not your fault!! Seriously, just about everybody dates someone from a class at some point. The other person is responsible for what they said/did to you. It is just too bad that someone else's thoughtlessness has to mess up your uni experience.

I know very well that nightmare feeling of 'this can't be happening; I can't have lost that person', and it is an awful world tipped off its axis kind of feeling. I hope you find some way of taking a vacation from the worries before you go back. Best of luck to you!
 
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Zoe1

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#5
I think you have all your eggs in one basket

somehow try to just make some sort of contact
with the other people in the class
they dont have to be immediately good friends,
just ask a question about the lesson
ask if they enjoyed the lesson
how they are doing with the course work
or if they would like to go for a coffee

putting all my eggs in one basket
is something I always do in relationships
and currently I cant have a relationship
because then I would do it again !

:grouphug:
 
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flavouredapples

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#6
I think you have all your eggs in one basket

somehow try to just make some sort of contact
with the other people in the class
they dont have to be immediately good friends,
just ask a question about the lesson
ask if they enjoyed the lesson
how they are doing with the course work
or if they would like to go for a coffee

putting all my eggs in one basket
is something I always do in relationships
and currently I cant have a relationship
because then I would do it again !

:grouphug:
Hey,

Maybe that’s the case. Socially I struggle too, and I’ve found that I’ve already tried interacting with a few different people in the class over the time I’ve been there. I didn’t really click with anyone if I’m honest. I tried hanging out with a few different people and it just didn’t feel comfortable to me. The class is also so small that most of the people I talk to/would talk to also talk to my ex, or sit with her, and that’s just... yeah.

I don’t really have the confidence either, any more. Almost as if I want to just get the work done and get the degree and leave. I didn’t make any friends and I did try, and to be honest I feel a lot of anxiety around friendships and trying to interact with people, and feel rejected when they all hang out or don’t contact me or whatever else. It’s just all so stressful for me, which I suppose is driving my anxiety as well
 
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Zoe1

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#7
well maybe the discomfort is more normal than you might think
sometimes I have to push through that
accepting that I'm in a place
where people are not really ' my type of person '
but I still want to make small talk as an acquaintance

I also understand if you cant do this
and there should be a counsellor at the college
to help those who are struggling

I also work on my self esteem
because sometimes I feel I am ' not worthy ' of friends
and that feeling can be worked on from within

:grouphug:
 

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