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Anxiety and tiring obsession

M

MLK

New member
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
1
Hi there
I am on here to try and get some advice. It's the first time I have entered a forum. My husband suggested it and I want to give it a try.
I have been suffering for a while now with crippling anxiety, where I obsess over on thought and it leaves me in tears all day, and I feel it's getting worse. It snowballs because the more I know I should be thinking clearly and being happy the more the anxiety grows.
I understand a little as I had what I would call a nervous breakdown at university about 12 years ago. I have a tendency to over think and analyse anyway, but it feels it is taking control of me again. I got married a month ago to the most amazing and understanding man, and I know this should leave me with nothing but feelings of elation. However, on the run up to the wedding I would spend weeks obsessing over whether I had chosen the right dress, then once I had rested that in my head weeks over whether my hair had been cut too short....and so the pattern goes on....as soon as one worry dissipates the next takes over.
Since the wedding I have NOTHING to worry about, and now....the decision where to go on honeymoon has been the next thing to worry about and obsess and stress over. I just can't seem to rest my head. If there is nothing to worry about I create things.
This then leaves me HUGELY guilty, and makes me feel I am a burden on my mum, husband, friends, as there is nothing in my life to worry about, and I should be the happiest I have ever been and this is getting in the way.
I love where my life is but this is holding me back from really enjoying what I have. I know we should reserve our energy for the bad things thatdo happen in life, but this is exhausting me, as is trying to find answers to stop it.
I have been reading some great books like Dr Rob Yeung's CONFIDENCE, and been trying to exercise, and practice mindfulness, I am taking quiet life tablets, I have booked to see a hypnotherapist and to see my GP to see a psychologist, so am doing things to try and get to the bottom of it but I can't seem to see why I won't stop crying and why I feel like this.
I feel I always ruin things...my husband is so happy and is the most amazing man in the world, and deep down I have a fear this is going to take it's toll on him. I know that from my father leaving the family when I was 1, and my ex-fiance leaving me because he said he couldn't cope with the effects my breakdown had on him and that's why he left (this was during my university years I mentioned before...and I guess I should also take into account he actually left because he was seeing someone else!) I have a huge fear of being left. I had two friends treat me very badly before my wedding and I have fallen out with them, and feel abandonment from them, and all in all, I know I am scared that it will all be too much, as my husband is the most relaxed and amazingly cheerful man, and I know he loves me and just wants to see me happy.
I just don't know what to do to stop people worrying about me and to get over this fear that I am going to be left. Or that something terrible will happen to me. I keep getting so scared that something awful will happen to me, or him, or anyone, and I can't focus. I am very talented in many areas but I not using any of my talents because I am too tired by the energy this is all consuming.
I wonder if anyone can help at all? I know I am doing the right things by seeking help but we go on honeymoon in 2 weeks and I want it to be amazing, and for me to not be worried (I am fearing bear attacks now because we are going to the Rockies in Canada) and so the fears go on! I don't know what to do to stop my mind running away like this. I desperately don't want to ruin anything and I desperately just want to feel happy and relaxed and enjoy my new marriage, and lose the guilt and the feeling of being a burden.
Thank you. x
 
P

Pommy

New member
Joined
Sep 27, 2009
Messages
4
Location
New Zealand
:)

Unfortunately I have little advice, but I am relieved to hear someone elses story so similar to mine. I can relate to those problems like you wouldn't believe!

I have a partner who is very understanding, but I am terrified I am pushing him away (even though he shows no signs of this)

I feel like my mind is going to explode with my anxiety, I worry about some of the most ridiculous things, and I know they are ridiculous but I just can't help it!

I hope it gets better for you...and I understand exactly how you feel. I have found that I feel much better knowing that I am not the only one in this situation.

Emily x
 
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