Anxiety and Spiders

[quality factor]

In the past week my anxiety levels seem to have gone sky high...I haven't felt this dreadful since my partner died three years ago.
The thing that is frihtening me the most is that I have begun to 'see' huge hairy spiders crawling along my bedroom walls. They are huge and hairy and they are always coming towards me. This morning I put the pillow over my head to make them go away.
I can hardly eat ot do anything much and feel sick all the time. I've upped my medication a bit and things just seem to be getting worse.
After all the excitement about having permission to drive again, now I can't go near the car.
I see my pdoc next week so I'll just have to wait until then, but it's the hairy spiders that are horrible,
Feel like a walking wreck.

 

[Dollit]

Do you feel at the moment that you are being backed into a corner over something or that you are feeling pressured by someone over something?

 

[quality factor]

Hi Dollitt,

Let's say I'm as stressed as I could be at the moment. Since dad died last March my mum expects me to be 'dad' to her by giving her the company and support that he was able to give. I feel she expects much of my time and consequently after all the other problems I have on top of this I seemed to 'snap' last week... the physical feelings I had from the anxiety were immense.
I continue to see the spiders and last night they were crawling up my arm and I recall brushing them off.
I have been up town for the first time this morning on my own ...I only lasted an hour, but I suppose that's better than 10 mins.

Thanks for replying.

 

[Dollit]

The reason I asked is that the thing with spiders is that they tie their prey up in a web so that they can't escape. I just wonder if there's a link between what you see and your personal circumstances.

When my dad died my mum moved in with my sister and is now living on her own for the first time. She stays very close to my sister and they both just about ignore me. I can't tell you the last time they rung me but the last time I rung them it lasted about 30 seconds.

You have to treat her like a child and tell her she has to learn to live by herself. It sound quite cold but don't you have enough to contend with?

You know where I am if you need me x

 

[quality factor]

The reason I asked is that the thing with spiders is that they tie their prey up in a web so that they can't escape. I just wonder if there's a link between what you see and your personal circumstances.

When my dad died my mum moved in with my sister and is now living on her own for the first time. She stays very close to my sister and they both just about ignore me. I can't tell you the last time they rung me but the last time I rung them it lasted about 30 seconds.

You have to treat her like a child and tell her she has to learn to live by herself. It sound quite cold but don't you have enough to contend with?

You know where I am if you need me x

Thanks. The analogy about the spider seems apt.
I'm constantly telling her that I can't be there for her all the time, and quite honestly knowing her as I do I can't see the problem easing.
At the moment it's her or me and as she's trying to win all the time I'm sinking lower and lower.
I've just got to get myself in the right frame of mind yet again and not give in.

 

[Dollit]

My consultant once said to me - "Why do you let your mother dictate to you. You're a fully grown adult, live your life not hers" and he's right. Sometimes it's difficult but it is possible. Sometimes you just have to "disappear" and make them manage.

It's true, we do turn back into children as we get older only we don't look cute.

 

[quality factor]

Interesting and true! I've just had my 3rd phone conversation of the day with her and led up to telling her to 'get a life',.....we are not amused!!
I told my CPN yesterday that I can't go on being my dad to her..... cos that's what she's trying to do...use me as a substitute. My brother is safely leading his life down there in your home town and 'appears' every two months or so up here to see her.
There's one thing I would not do and have her to live with me...NO WAY.

 

[Dollit]

That's the spirit - remember, your life not hers.

 

[Kate4]

My consultant once said to me - "Why do you let your mother dictate to you. You're a fully grown adult, live your life not hers" and he's right. Sometimes it's difficult but it is possible. Sometimes you just have to "disappear" and make them manage.

It's true, we do turn back into children as we get older only we don't look cute.

I agree so much with this. It has taken me more than 50 years to realise that I am responsible for my own life and other people are responsible for theirs. This is your life and your time on this planet. Take back what is yours. Make decisions for yourself and live the life you want to live. Let others be a part of your life if that is what you want but keep your own path in clear view.

 

[quality factor]

Thanks Kate4. Your reply makes a lot of sense and so many people are saying similar things to me. The difficulty is that mum and I just seem to lurch from one crisis into another, another crisis is on the horizon as I write.
I know I've got to be firmer with both her and myself, but it's so hard.
I have tweaked my medication a little over the past week and the spiders have gone and I am more relaxed towards life in general, thus I can cope with mum without getting so irritable.

 

[Kate4]

I came to realise that crisis after crisis is what life is. I used to think that there would come a time when all crises would be over and I could start to live my life. Now I know that the day to day difficulties and problems are what we are here to deal with and learn from. They are what life is all about. There is no 'One Day'. This day here and now is all we have and all we will ever have. Look for the little gems among the rubble. They will help you through.

 

[quality factor]

I came to realise that crisis after crisis is what life is. I used to think that there would come a time when all crises would be over and I could start to live my life. Now I know that the day to day difficulties and problems are what we are here to deal with and learn from. They are what life is all about. There is no 'One Day'. This day here and now is all we have and all we will ever have. Look for the little gems among the rubble. They will help you through.

I have been waiting for that 'one day' for ever or so it seems...I get one thing out of the way and as you say another comes along.
The past three years have had major crises, not just everyday problems.
These crises have really tested my willigness to carry on, in fact according to my plans of long standing, I shouldn't be here now.
In saying that there are days when I get tired of going under then bobbing up to the surface again...it's tiresome and demanding.
I don't know about rubble , it sometimes feels like great big boulders!!

Thanks for your replies and understanding.

 

[Kate4]

I understand how tired you are. Depressive illness is a daily struggle and as you say we spend our time going under and bobbing back up. It is a sign of strength that you keep on going through so many trials. It would be so easy to give up. I found that acceptance helps me through now. I just tell myself that no matter how much I don't want a thing to be happening it will happen anyway whether I worry about it or not. If I relax and let go of the struggle then I can get through it. Let it be and let it go. All things pass and all things change. Accept what you can't change. This won't cure you of depression. It will just make the unbearable bearable.