Anxiety and Questioning

[B143C]

While my general practioner has always suggested that I have anxiety, I believe it is more OCD. I've never really told the doctor all the details because it's embarassing but when I was little I would constantly confess thoughts.

Now in my marriage, I have for the past few years constantly questioned my husband and things in our marriage. Like if something made me uncomfortable, of course I would question, but then as months would go by I would forget if I asked a certain thing and ask again. I'm constantly asking questions to check that I'm not being cheated, or decieved in any way etc.

Does anyone else deal with this? How do you keep yourself from questioning and how do you assure yourself that you've already asked that question to keep from doing it again? Or better yet, how do you help the anxiety?

Any help at all is greatly appreciated! I'm seven months pregnant and I can't even enjoy the upcoming baby because I'm so lost in this. It seems to be a form of "Checking" to make sure everything is ok kind of like checking to see if the stove is off a billion times as I do.

God bless!

 

[feelinghelpless]

I have the same exact issue and it is driving my wife nuts in these last 6 months or so. I am also looking for an answer. I have always had anxiety medications thrown at me, and finally went off of them all at the doctors advice because my questioning and worrying was worse than it had ever been. Of course with no medication for 1+ month now, it is no better or worse. I hope someone can give some advice here.

 

[B143C]

Hi Feeling,

I'm sorry that you are suffering from the same thing. I know it is very difficult on a relationship. The questioning that I do has also been driving my husband nuts.

I wish there was some sort of name for this to help us get a better diagnosis or help.

I will pray for you and your wife. I know it's not easy. I'm trying really hard to not question this week.

Do you find that once you get one question answered that your mind moves on to another almost immediately? It's like I have to have something to worry about.

God bless!

 

[feelinghelpless]

I do move onto another question. It's like in my mind there is always something that is unanswered or needs to be clarified. Sometimes she says "I just answered your questions and it's like you think, oh I haven't asked this one in a while".

I hate doing it, I hate that it keeps coming up in my mind.

I have posted on here a few times and have not had any luck getting anyone to answer me with any advice.

I have gone to counseling as well for it and hours upon hours and no advise.

The more I ask the questions, the more I feel she is mad at me or is going to leave me, which generates even more questions.

 

[B143C]

I do the exact same things. And I feel that when I worry this will make my husband leave me, I too feel an increase in the nervousness, racing thoughts and need to question.

Do you find that even years after something takes place that makes you uncomfortable or makes you worry, that you feel the need to re-examine your wife with a different set of questions or same ones that may have "been something you left out" or you think of a new scenerio of how something could have happened? I don't know if that makes sense but I often feel that I will revisit old issues and think up new ways that things could have gone on without my knowledge even after we had big long talks about the event or thing that made me uncomfortable years ago.

I too have found that the doctors always want to give me anxiety meds but what I really want to know how to do is how to deal with this and change my thought process. I spoke with a therapist online the other day who said it sounded a lot like obsessional thinking. Apparently refaining from questioning is helpful in the long run but do you find that when you can't question you can barely function and you feel bitter towards your spouse? It's like if I can't get constant reassurance I let my mind run away with me.

 

[feelinghelpless]

I do the exact same thing. Something could have happened months ago, and even though she has answered the question, in my mind new things keep popping up. If she worded something a certain way it can lead me to think things.

There have been some issues where she has said or done things that have triggered this. I have not always had this, but I can't seem to get over it.

If I go without asking questions, the things keep processing in my mind about things she has done and said and how things could have been different in certain ways from what she said. I get quiet and bitter when this happens, then of course she will notice that and here come the questions.

I do not do this with anyone else in my life, though I have always felt I might bug people or irritate them. Never anything to the degree I am going through right now with my wife.

I don't understand why with all of the people that I have talked to, someone can't help me.

 

[livefree1]

I know exactly what you mean, I am the same. I know why I am like this though - my last partner really broke my trust and although we stayed together for a while after he did this, my questioning drove him crazy and in the end he completely lost patience with me and gave up. I couldny help but question him though, about the same things over and over to get reassurance, I know what you mean when you say its like an ocd.

I am now this way with my current partner although im trying to control it. I just try to not ask and tell myself that what would knowing actually change. Trust your partner that if it were important enough, they will tell you.

My father is exactly the same with my mother and myself, always questioning, always with the tone of suspision, even with everyday stuff, for example, 'I thought you were going to the cinema?' is tinged with suspision, as if he is expecting a negative response. Listening to him and realising I am the same helps me to clarify my actions and see it in the bigger picture.

Questioning and questioning only highlights insecurities. I believe this stems from low self esteem. Its hard but tell yourself that you dont need to know. Occupy yourself with something else. Sometimes if i fight asking a question, I almost feel a sense of relief, its hard though.

Good luck x

 

[Sandra]

Hi

I have a family member with the same thing. The only thing I can suggest is you look into cognitive behavioural therapy.

 

[shykristy]

I guess not all questions can be answered or can satisfy us in some point but if you really want to have a better future for you and your partner, you must stop questioning or try to control yourself questioning. It is within us because we are insecure and have low self-esteem.

What if you will ask yourself, is my questioning over and over again can contribute to my relationship with my partner? Or when you start to think of asking your partner, divert your thoughts to other things.

I have read about this, "If you want to learn trusting someone, learn to trust to yourself first". That's the main point!