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Anxiety and OCD about a few things recently.

MrBond007

MrBond007

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2020
Messages
48
Location
England
First of all, I think it is important to note that I have extreme anxiety as well as depression (I also have Aspergers syndrome). I am usually on 20mg Flouxetine anti-depressants, but for the past couple of weeks I haven't picked up my prescription (which I really need to do as soon as possible). I've been taking Kalms a lot recently as I feel that can be a temporary alternative when I actually get round to ordering my prescription.

Basically I have been feeling quite anxious about a variety of different things recently. I have a private twitter account, and I tend to retweet a lot of politically charged tweets quite often (say a good few times a day), I never really used to do this as much as I do now, then again I've only ever really gotten into politics around 6-7 months ago or so. I'm not gonna say what my political opinions are on this thread as I believe that wouldn't do any good. But anyway my twitter account is private, I follow a lot of people from my course at college (some friends, some friendly acquaintances). I've never had any sort of difficulties or drama with them inside or outside of college. Though I don't see most of them as much considering a majority of them are in a higher course than me. I do have a friend or two on twitter outside of my college though, and I also have 3 friends on twitter that are actually in my course. However, most, if not all of my friends, friendly acquaintances, etc have very different political views to me and it's vaguely apparent by what they tweet which is anti-(insert politician's name here) and anti this and that. Whereas with me I'm very much for a lot of what they would disagree with and against most of what they usually agree with. My friends in my course (including my other friend whom is also my crush) are also anti-(insert politician's name here) whereas I am not, though I never really discuss it with my friend (crush) I do however discuss it with my two other friends (all three of us are pretty close, so division seems very unlikely to me and so I wasn't really anxious about that). I would ask why they think the person who I like is worse than the politician/s they like, and the reasons he uses are always so faint. I.E he is not as nice. I however would give statistical evidence and accomplishments as to what my preferred politician has done good and it would always stop the conversation dead. I would ask what has you're preferred politician accomplished as a reason why you would vote for him, and I never get a direct response, aside from "he is just nicer". Now considering my friend cannot be taken seriously as he is virtually always trying to be the jester-esc type of person, I think he just says stuff for the sake of it. Now I'm not knocking him for making his own decisions, I'm just trying to understand why he prefers this specific politician over the one I endorse. However he hasn't gave me a single solitary reason.

Now I see him (as well as my other friends) liking this specific politicians (the one who I am against) tweets on twitter, some of which even tweet about it. And I see it plenty of times on my timeline. I for one don't reply to any of them because I figured looking for an argument is just going to create toxicity and put me into a situation where I don't want to be a part of, but seeing this barrage of anti-this and pro-that with, more often than note very little reasoning and proof of anything at all. My crush also tends to like a lot of this politicians tweets and also retweeted one of them with a blue heart. I kinda felt bad a little bit considering if I was to be in a relationship with someone in the future, would it conflict because of our different political views? I especially felt bad when she liked a tweet from someone that went a long the lines of "Any politician who endorsed this politician should be ashamed". I know, she knows I like this particular politician and I know she likes that other politician, the same with my other friends like him/her. Though we never debate about it at college (though I for one am more than willing to talk about it with some of them because I figured it would help me understand a little more about their political standpoint and perspective, I figured it might make me gain a better understanding of their ideology). I have talked about politics and my political views a little bit in my course just to make it known with my friends, but I never encouraged people to agree/disagree with me. However when I talk about politics or if I happen to being it up because one of my friends mentions it, I don't really get any response and it's kinda awkward. Which I can understand to a certain extent, people don't want to argue or create a weird amount of tension just over cruddy politics. But it's also a shame because I am not learning other people's ideologies. Except for my one friend who just uses "He is nicer, he is better" as an excuse and I'm like yeah that holds up. I would then respond my giving an example of the bad things he has done and then I don't get a response, or he laughs it off. I laugh it off too, as I said we are all friends and we don't need to fall out with each other over things such as this. As we both want the same moral goals (which I presume is peace).

Anyways back to twitter, so I would often retweet the occasional politically driven tweets as a means of making it known for what I stand for, as should everybody. I virtually never tweet first of hand as I believe that could give people a means as to reply to me (which is one of many reasons why I made my twitter private in the first place considering I didn't want absolute strangers ripping into me for no reason, and it doesn't even have to be political as I have made several tweets in the past, some lighthearted ones even and I always get that one weirdo being all like "not funny"). My twitter account is private, and I still stand by the principle of if you don't like me because of miliscular things such as my political views, you can unfollow, it's your problem not mine. I mean I don't agree with virtually 95% of what most of my friends/friendly acquaintances agree with when it comes to politics on twitter, but I am not gonna dislike, degrade, argue and unfollow them because of it. If I am angry about it, that's my problem. I do believe in having rational discussions with people about it if the opportunity is present in person, not online where it's very hard to understand their motives behind the text (and it is especially hard when I have Aspergers) and just replying randomly to people whom I barely know yet are good acquaintances with. I figured that won't do any good as a whole. I think @ing them would be a thousand times worse because it just show's you're actively looking for an argument/disagreement so ultimately that's just going to create more tension and toxicity. I've always been a firm believer of keeping myself to myself, what I post on my twitter is entirely my business. That is why I have it privated.

But anyway, as I said I tend to retweet (without quote, so it's pretty much the tweet itself on my timeline) a lot of politically driven tweets as a means of getting my political opinions known to a certain extent (Only 3 people even look at my tweets anyway unless it appeared on one of their TLs). I do however fear, and I have been slightly paranoid about this, if someone will actually @ me one day, being all like "The tweets what you retweet/like are absolutely disgusting" or something crazy like that, that is one of my worst fears. Again I know where I stand if people don't like me anymore just because of my political opinions, again my twitter is private for a reason. Though I still worry that one day I'm gonna get hounded by my friends and other followers for liking/retweeting what I want, especially since virtually all of my friends and acquaintances have a very different opinion to mine. Well anyway that's one of the reasons why I've been feeling really anxious recently 😅.






Okay I also want to talk about a completely unrelated issue as to why I have been feeling especially anxious as of today, along with what I had said already. Basically I have been getting into Lego a lot recently. I was round my dad's the other day and got out my old boxes of Lego to play with (I'm not really embarrassed at all at the fact I like to build and play with Lego haha). As of recently I have been buying and collecting loads of sets and minifigures, including from the knockoff brands (as I use them also as well as interchangeably). All my Lego is virtually at my dad's in a cupboard. And so since I have been getting into Lego a lot recently, I have bought a ton of sets these past 2 weeks. I must have at least 20 unboxed sets in my room that I have been excited to take round my dads and build. I have also been buying a few Lego minifigures online as well as custom made ones (as I also like to use them too). As of recently I have bought the rare Green Goblin minifigure from 2003 Spider-Man set. As well as 2 customs big minifigures of Venom and 2 custom Sonic character minifigures. The sellers to which I bought the Sonic minifigures from has a 99.1% positive rating and has also had a loaaad of good reviews in terms of quality, condition, delivery, etc. The Sonic figures was delivered to me yesterday and turned out amazing, had no problem with them whatsoever. For some strange reason today though (only started a few hours ago) I have noticed a teeny tiny scratch (virtually unnoticeable) on one of the quills of the Sonic character. Now I didn't really pay this any mind since this is apparent on a ton of minifigures I own, including custom ones. So I put back down and tried not to think of it as it really wasn't that big of a deal. But even knowing this was irrational, I just couldn't stop thinking about it and then I started to look at it more and more till it became one of the main things on my mind for the day. I also started looking at the rest of the figure to notice any other ridiculously minor "faults" on it. I mean, I was fine with everything yesterday when it arrived, so why am I getting so much OCD from it today of all days?

For the past nearly 2 years I have had major issues with anxiety and OCD about a variety of different things. But this is definitely the first times I started to feel this way over a Lego minifigure, I mean jesus, really? I must be losing my mind. I drunk a powerade earlier on in the day, so could that perhaps be a contributor to my OCD-like state because of the caffeine? I wanna point out that I have been eating reasonably well recently, been drinking 2 litres of water a day minimum and have been avoiding things such as alcohol and fizzy drinks because I want to feel better as well as lose body fat. I do however tend to drink a few cups of teas everyday as that has been my go-too beverage recently (coffee has waaayyyy to much caffeine in and that will make me feel jittery, anxious and overall awful). I feel this may also be the result of me missing out on my prescription for a good while. I have just been having a lot of OCD today because of this "issue" and want it stop, so when I go round my dads I can fully enjoy playing with my Lego with no worries. Why this has all the sudden started just recently I don't know and wonder how long it will last. I just hope this is one of my typical phases where I worry about something for a day or two and never give it a second thought again. I just wanna stop worrying about it especially when I know it is completely irrational 😥
 
Tawny

Tawny

Taking a break
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,928
Location
England
That is a lot of writing, and also you are writing more on Twitter which you would not usually do. It sounds like what i am like when i am not taking my medication. I think it would be a good idea to get your medication asap.
 
MrBond007

MrBond007

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2020
Messages
48
Location
England
That is a lot of writing, and also you are writing more on Twitter which you would not usually do. It sounds like what i am like when i am not taking my medication. I think it would be a good idea to get your medication asap.
Yeah sorry I do tend to write a lot on these threads (even when I am on medication). And I don't write at all much on twitter anymore, all I do is retweet other things now (without quote). But I agree, I really need my medication because I have been feeling my mental state getting worse these past couple of days. I will probably get them as soon as Wednesday though which is a major bummer because I feel I need them now considering how I've been feeling recently. It's come to the point where I can't even enjoy my own hobbies anymore (for example playing with my Lego, as well as other things). I really don't wanna be anxious and have OCD over my own hobbies of all things. It is such a shame that my OCD has managed to take over me about the things I love doing. I really hope this doesn't last forever 😥
 
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