It seems like bipolar is a relative thing. Is it the mood swings that define it? Or is it the level of the moods that define it? You may go from depressed to not depressed and back, or you may go from depressed to manic and back. But not depressed for one person may seem like manic for another. Or, just like depression, manic can happen at a low level or high level. It also seems like a manic phase is not as easy to detect while it's happening but very easy to know after coming out of it, whereas depression just seems like it's always very noticeable. A lot of times for me, I will only recognize that I was in a manic phase after a few days or sometimes even weeks after it happens. But while it's happening, I just think I'm not depressed. Another thing to be wary of - guilty feelings also play a big part in this. You get depressed and you feel guilty because you know others have to deal with your depression. And then the guilt feelings make you depressed, which makes you feel guilty, and on and on. They feed on each other. Also, I think you can feel anxiety when you are depressed (or not) and it doesn't seems like it follows the same pattern as depression and/or mania, so the anxiety may be a different problem on its own. In any case, I hope you're doing OK - holidays are not so great when you have these kinds of problems. I think that's because the daily routine you're used to during non-holiday periods and often cling to because it makes your day predictable - that daily routine gets all screwed up and leaves you in a place that's not predictable. Kind of like the fear of the unknown. It hits me pretty hard like that. I find that just stopping what I'm doing, taking a few deep breaths, and telling myself that everything will be OK helps quite a bit. So hang in there and find a safe spot in your life, and always know that there are lots of people out there that will listen and try help you (like on these forums
). We're all kinda in this same thing together.
