Anxiety and depression taking over my life

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Deano98

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Messages
2
#1
Hi. For the last couple of years I've gotten so used to anxiety and depression that I've almost learnt to live with it as it is. I've missed out on so many opportunities because of it, I've had a relationship end because of it and it takes over my life and my decisions. I just wanna be honest with myself and you guys so hopefully I can get some advice.

Goal wise I started playing rugby when I was little and loved it. Played to a high level but stopped at 16 when I got into a long distance relationship. I got to clingy and insecure and I put weight on because food helped me cope and I stopped working out. Havent forgiven myself and I havent really started again. I'm not exactly out of shape but not fit enough to play rugby. I wanted to play for my university team because it's a good level but I'm not fit enough. Or I could play for a lower level local club but when I was 14/15, I always imagined myself playing at a higher level than that. I feel like I've wasted my goal and my dreams.

Personally, I'm traveling to uni as it's only 35 mins away. Was supposed to be living in halls but cancelled last minute as I didn't think it was worth £145 when I live quite close. I don't really have any friends, I don't like how I look and I judge myself way too harshly. I lose focus easily. I know I could change these things but it's all tied together. I find it hard to talk to people at times, particularly people I'm not close to.

I'm scared and disappointed. I'm not where I imagined or want to be in my life. My ideal life would be quite simple - play good level of rugby, in good shape, doing really well at uni. Not exactly massive dreams but I'm just not sure how I can get there given how I feel.

What should I do? How can improve in these different areas? Thank you
 
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tomghanini2

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2015
Messages
1,596
Location
England
#2
I've heard it said that when picking a University you should aim for one further than 50 miles away but closer than 100 miles. So it is far enough away that you need to live on campus, or in a flat nearby; but near enough so you can go home at the weekend to do your washing.

This is all moot cos you've picked your Uni. Let me ask you, does your Uni have a counselling service on campus. If so, try it out, tell them how your feeling and what you're going through. They could have some great advice or at least know who to point you to. Are you registered with a doctor on campus too ? University can be a great place to sort yourself out before entering the big wide and scary world. (this is coming from someone who didn't realise this until after he'd left)
 
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scatteredmusician

Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2017
Messages
8
#3
You are very articulate and have clearly thought out your situation, at least from your own viewpoint. Depression and anxiety can come from spiritual issues, past experiences or present circumstances – conflicts, trauma, broken relationships or maybe something physiological. Keep in mind that your physical self influences your self-thought. What you see about yourself is not necessarily what others might see.

What are you doing, if anything, to change your mood and/or circumstances? You could talk to your family physician about your depression, or a good counselor. Given your prior history, physical exercise seems in order and would almost certainly lift your mood. So what if you’re not currently in the place to place high-level rugby? Play what you can and advance from there. You aren’t stuck in one place forever and you might make friends there as well. Have faith in yourself, try to be thankful for something every single day, get moving in some way, give yourself the benefit of the doubt and go for it! I have prayed for you and wish you the best.