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Anxiety and depression from being in a toxic relationship

N

Neon

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Feb 4, 2021
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I'm in a pretty toxic relationship right now where he doesn't care about me and takes advantage of me. We're always fighting and it's very bad for my depression/anxiety. We have been together for 5 years but I want to break up. We live together so it's more difficult and can't move now during a COVID lockdown. I have a friend who is great and offered that I stay with her until I can find a place which is what I will have to do. Just thinking about it gives me a panic attack. I was awake all last night just thinking about the logistics of moving. Trying to move all my stuff etc. I know it's a relationship that I need to get out of because it's been very poor for my mental health and if it continues how it does i honestly don't know what will happen. I can't ask him to move out because I have a decent job and he's still in college with a part time job. He's been taking advantage of me by getting me to pay for all of the bills. I feel really guilty by leaving because I think that I'm abandoning him.
 
I

Intareseid

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I can't ask him to move out because I have a decent job and he's still in college with a part time job.
I have to assume you're paying for the place? then you most certainly can tell him to move out.

I feel really guilty by leaving because I think that I'm abandoning him.
If he has indeed been a toxic and detrimental influence then you owe him absolutely nothing at all.

Leaving will fix this one particular toxic relationship but doing the healthy, logical thing (that is to remove him) will be a strong step towards making sure you don't fall into the same situation again.
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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Feb 1, 2021
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May help to write everything down
you need to do.
That way you won`t ruminate &
overthink all night.
🙏
 
N

Neon

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I have to assume you're paying for the place? then you most certainly can tell him to move out.
He pays for his part of the rent and that’s it. I pay for everything else, bills groceries etc
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Could you tell him that it is no longer working for you and talk about the possibility of him moving out over the next college break?
 
N

Neon

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Could you tell him that it is no longer working for you and talk about the possibility of him moving out over the next college break?
We’re living in Ireland and I’m from Ireland so I could move in with a friend or with even with my parents. He’s not from Ireland so I’d feel bad about asking him to leave because he would have nowhere to go.
 
C

Chaivous

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Apr 23, 2021
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Providence, RI
This sounds horribly like part of my mom's rationale for staying with my dad when they'd fallen out of love a long time ago. First of all, I am so sorry this is happening to you. As someone who had to grow up in that sort of environment, I say you need to evict this guy. My mom still has emotional scars from it even though they've been divorced for years and their bad relationship example has made me permanently afraid of any relationship! It doesn't essentially make the other party a bad person--I still have fun with my dad--but what he is doing to you definitely is. You are not a bad person if you tell him to leave.

I shared housing in grad school. The person holding the lease agreement is allowed to tell the other party to move out with 3 months' notice, that's time enough for this guy to find another arrangement. If you're paying most of the bills you could do that.

For your own sake, please tell him to leave.
 
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