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Anxiety about Schizophrenia... or am I?

K

Kaoswarr

New member
Joined
May 25, 2011
Messages
3
Hi guys,
So basically when I was around 16 years old, I smoked cannabis a few times and experimented with other drugs, this sent me in to a full blown anxious state which has stayed with with me for 5 years so far....

For 5 years I've been battling to stay 'sane'. Coping originally with DR and DP, racing thoughts constantly, weird anxious hangovers, feelings of paranoia. I've had periods where I felt much better, and then other periods where I would feel worse.

Eventually, the past year, its been very manageable. I've been travelling by myself twice to Asia, working on my degree while working a part time job and maintaining a girlfriend. Sounds normal and not too debilitating right?

Well constantly I feel I am about to snap and go full psychotic. And in the past week... I literally feel I will be waking up in a psych ward soon.

I've started getting loud random thoughts in my head (Had this before, but this is happening more and more), feeling like my head is exploding with thoughts, have constant pressure and tingling on the side of my head, been waking up confused about my surroundings and what is real and basically feel that I am going crazy! Also getting a very clouded mind, can't focus and concentrate on anything. This came on recently at night after reading about HPPD (I've suffered slight hppd and still do).

So... Any other experiences like this? Or am I literally going crazy?

I know if you are subject of psychosis you wouldn't know about it right? I am constantly monitoring my mindset and my main worry for all these years is that I have schizophrenia.

Anyone got any ideas?

My biggest fear is going to a GP about this, and actually being diagnosed as schizophrenic. As you can tell, I feel the main source of these feelings are anxiety about actually being mentally ill.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi,

I'm obviously not a doctor, so can not tell you what you do or don't have, but I seriously don't think you're going 'crazy'. You sound as though you have pretty good insight and are very aware of how you're feeling. Perhaps too aware? I don't mean that to sound condescending or wrong. I just mean that it could be that you are becoming so very anxious and worried that you do have a serious mental health problem that you are noticing many things which you may have shrugged off or not taken any notice of at all at one time. Sometimes reading about too many mental health issues can cloud our judgement too and we can start twisting symptoms to fit in with our experiences. I'm not saying this is what you're doing at all, merely stating that it can happen.

I hate to say it, but if you don't think that you're feeling this way because of your anxiety, you really do need to talk to your GP. In fact, I think it would be wise to talk things through with your GP anyway. I know you said you can't do this but maybe you need to look at it a different way and put things in to perspective. For starters, a GP is highly unlikely to diagnose you with schizophrenia - they would refer you for an assessment. Also, worse case scenario: If you are suffering from a serious disorder, would it be better to go to your GP for some advice and a referral or hit that breaking point and end up in a psych ward? You might go to your GP and find that your problems do stem from your anxiety which could then be worked on.

There's no shame in mental illness and I hope that you are able to seek help and that things aren't as serious as you are expecting. Take care.
 
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