• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Anxiety About Relating to People

A

amber1

Active member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
43
I really zoned out for about four months with mania and only came down a few weeks ago. I did some things I am now ashamed about and created a wonderful fantasy world where I felt powerful and in control for once.

I led an isolated life for a year or two before that and coped by going on suicide forums and such. Being deep down a highly empathic person I think all the despair somewhat unbalanced me and I was seeing the world in an even more negative light than previously.

Also I feel a lot of guilt and stigma over my son who spent a lot of time in care growing up and is now 19 and rather dysfunctional, depressed and isolated. I have hated myself so much for letting him down as I perceived it (his birth was an accident, was psychotic for the whole pregnancy, he was almost adopted out, my mum stopped it but later put him in care yet she does not appear to feel anything like the guilt that I do). I basically felt like I didn't deserve a good life if he wasn't going to get one and kind of 'gave up'.

But if I am to be of any use to my son ever, I need to fight this and get back on my feet.

Well, that's the positive side to this latest episode. Even though what I'm currently going through is horrible and painful at times, I am currently shelving all thoughts of suicide and trying to make baby steps of progress every day.

Being empathic should mean I can start to relate to people again if I can just get through the fear.

Anyone who struggles with fears around people and relationship, I would appreciate hearing about it, maybe we could connect hey? In however small a way, it all helps and I appreciate everyone on this forum and have the greatest respect for your strength and endurance as well as your desire to reach out and help others. :)
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Hi, I understand that. I'm really scared to connect with other people as well; I'm afraid I'm going to be judged or criticized, and I don't even know how to be myself sometimes, if that makes sense.
 
A

amber1

Active member
Joined
Jan 29, 2015
Messages
43
Hi SF, yes, it makes perfect sense to me. I have wondered at times who on earth I am after so many episodes in the course of a lifetime. Yesterday I attended an anxiety management group which was absolutely the perfect thing for me at that moment, since there were a couple of women on the course that I have known for years and like. I realised I was talking and relating pretty normally and had plenty to contribute (haha, not TOO much!) This was enormously reassuring. If I could by the end of the course nerve myself up to asking one of them to go for a coffee with me or at least get the courage to talk to them one to one that would be great. For some reason I find group interactions easier than one on one. I know it is the opposite for many people.

Anyway, I was left with the sense that I am well on the way to being rehabilitated as a member of the human race though I know I will always be challenged by social situations to some degree.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Hi amber, I completely missed your reply for some reason. I'm glad you had this experience, and I imagine how it can be quite uplifting! You can always ask someone for coffee at a later time, I guess? I think that interacting with them and seeing that you can actually do it, was a pretty big step by itself :)

I wish I could find a support group here where I live. The thing is.. I am an expat and I don't speak the language yet and I haven't managed to find anything (English-speaking).

Are you going to that group again? Big hugs.
 
Top