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Anxiety about an old memory

A

Asho1234

Guest
Hello,

I have anxiety over an old memory of something I did over 10 years ago - I was 10-12 years old and I "hurt" someone but he is perfectly fine today (it's actually didn't change his life at all).
I talk logically to myself but I still get sometimes adrenaline rush and beating heart.
I know it's not something that I should worry about or feel guilty because I will not do it today.
I think about it a lot (all day) - sometime it feel so bad about it and its make me depress (I think) but sometimes I feel fine and normal.
When it is happen I feel like I don't want to do anything and my body feel so bad from the adrenaline rush (the anxiety). I also start to be anxious about what people will say about me if they knew about it.
I make connections to the memory with the present and future. I also find it easier for me to feel anxious about stupid stuff.

I will add and say that I had that memory pop into my head before but I just didn't feel this way about it.
also, I do deal with social anxiety but I never felt like this before - it different and more powerful.
What's funny is that I did make a lot of progress in the week before the memory stated to turn my life upside down.

Does someone know why I feel this way?
What should I do?
Should I feel guilty about what my 10/12 years old me?

Ohh and I'm 23 years old.

Thanks!
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,043
Hi and welcome to the forum :)

I think depending on the memory it can bother us until we somehow find closer over it. Sometimes it easier said than done.

Can I ask whether this memory had left for awhile and then suddenly come back or has it always been with you?

I'm asking that because last year a horrible memory that I regressed came back with a bang and it's constantly on my mind and it's not really done my MH much good.

Take care

Marliee x
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi and welcome. I suffer similar,in that it's all memories from years ago, that were never There before but now they haunt me. The mind plays tricks on us. It's like at some time in your life it decides to bother us for some reason. I believe we can come to terms with things but it takes time. These days if I'm not bothered and anxious about something, I will be bothered and anxious about why and what is going to crop up next. Exhausting stuff!
I do have hope that we can manage this with knowledge and support. Getting the right support ain't always easy though.

I wish you well and hope you enjoy the forum x
 
A

Asho1234

Guest
This memory never bothered me this way.
In the past it did come up but I just knew it's not big deal.
I feel it's so far from me and I don't even know why I did it, I just remember images but I don't remember what I thought.

Hope you feel well! My heart is with you!
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,043
Umm :scratcheshead:

What about writing a letter to him explaining about how bad you feel etc and send/give it to him to try and get yourself some closure?

x
 
A

Asho1234

Guest
Thank you all so much!!
I will think about sending a letter. I just scared to do it now :( so sad now.
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
916
Thank you all so much!!
I will think about sending a letter. I just scared to do it now :( so sad now.

Hey

Does the person who u did it to forgive you? Do they know it was out of character maybe thats the reason u feel anxious is because u did this thing and you may think the person holds it against you. So you feel like a new person but you feel this bad thing is like a black mark against your character - e.g your a nice person but u did a bad thing in the past so it bothers u that someone thinks your not nice? - i agree with the writing a letter - good luck dude :)
 
A

Asho1234

Guest
Thank you.
The person don't holds it against me, I just see it as very bad thing today (at the time it obviously wasn't).
It is more like a stain/black mark, yes.
 
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