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Antisocial Personality Disorder

A

Affective

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
414
I used to have this! However I have completely cured myself. I just went out a lot and pushed myself to meet new people and when I was put on antidepressents this also helped me with my social anxiety :). If anyone needs any advice feel free to ask :).
 
A

Affective

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
414
Whoops! I meant to write Avoidant personality disorder, sorry guys. :)
 
C

CelticMichaela

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2010
Messages
2
Location
Hell
The more I put myself out there, the worse my anxieties get. Medications have been unsuccessful. I wish what you did to overcome your anxieties have worked on me...would have made the past several years of my life so much easier to deal with. :)
 
A

Affective

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
414
The more I put myself out there, the worse my anxieties get. Medications have been unsuccessful. I wish what you did to overcome your anxieties have worked on me...would have made the past several years of my life so much easier to deal with. :)
Hmmm. Well have you had therapy? I isolated myself and that it worse and it made me think the world was very dangerous. I slowly started socializing again, like just going out with a friend for coffee for like just half an hour before I had big nights out. Have you tried small things like that?
 
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CelticMichaela

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2010
Messages
2
Location
Hell
I can't afford therapy. Not having a job presents a money issue. It's easier for me to be in public with my boyfriend or one (or a few) of my close friends (which I don't have many of) because then I feel sort of invisible; I kind of "hide" behind the person(s) I am with. It's having to have constant interaction with a lot of people (strangers, acquaintances, and family members alike) that cause me to go into panic attacks. As long as no one is looking at me I'm okay, for the most part. The only way I can go to play auditions or even act on the stage is if I can't see anyone watching me. Knowing they are watching me isn't really a problem; it's being able to SEE them watching me that throws me off kilter. I haven't been able to go to any auditions in almost three years because the community theatre has changed the way they do auditions. Instead of being up on stage with lights blaring in the face, auditions are held in a little room off to the side with no spotlights or anything...it's almost as nerve-wracking as trying to audition for American Idol or something lol! I love being in shows, but I just can't deal with the audition process. Kind of the same thing goes for job searching....I was being forced to physically go around the area to look for jobs...I would go into constant panic attacks because I'd be talking to dozens of people I didn't know. In a particular 8 hour day of job hunting, I would have gone maybe four places...I can hold myself together for a short while, but as soon as I'd get into my vehicle, the attack would hit...I'd have to sit in the car for about an hour or more before I'd calm down. What makes it more difficult is that I can't seem to get my father to understand that it's not that I don't WANT to go out looking; I CAN'T go out looking because it's hazardous to my well-being. He refuses to believe that I have a worse anxiety problem than he does (because heaven forbid anyone else in the world have his issues). He's able to see a therapist and get meds at no cost because of his veterans benefits, so he thinks that I should be able to handle them by myself or whatever. So anyway, yeah, my job searching is done at home online. I have only had three interviews in the year since graduating from business school (I was co-Salutatorian of my graduating class), and yet no one has hired me. My portfolio is immaculate and my school records are excellent, but once they see me it's like "Oh I don't want HER." I get all nervous and start blabbing about absolutely nothing, even though I try to keep my mouth shut lol. The girls who have gotten the jobs over me look as if they just walked of the set of an adult film (no exaggeration--I get angry when my hard work gets overlooked so nonchalantly, so I check out who "beat" me). It's sickening. Then it becomes clear why I get the "Oh I don't want HER" looks as soon as I step in for an interview. I thought I actually had a shot at this last interview I had back in the fall...a woman was doing the interview! But apparently even she let me down...I was beaten out by yet another adult-film-star wannabe. *sigh* It's because of experiences like that, and the constant put-downs by my own father that make me not want to ever interact with the world. I am in a very rough situation that I can't seem to get out of, all because of these stupid anxiety issues. If it weren't for the anxieties, it wouldn't have been a problem to get a crap job until something better came along, but the constant interaction with people who fly off the handle at the slightest mistake keep me away from that. Don't get me wrong, I'm awesome with a cash register and some food service...but fast-paced tasks and the general public being in my face (and not always happily) makes retail and food service darn near impossible...and until these superficial idiots actually decide to take me on and let me work in a little office/cubicle without public interaction, retail and food service are the only options for an income. So I deal with father's crap on a daily basis...I have nowhere else to go. I don't make money, so I can't live on my own. I rely on him and mother (and she's never really a help..."Fight your own battles" she says, knowing that I have already tried and failed to talk to father about my issues). Anyhoo, sorry for the novel here, but now you sort of know what I'm having to deal with and why nothing can be done about it at this point in time. That's why my boyfriend directed me here...that way I can actually talk with those who have been through what I am now going through and can offer their support and not necessarily a list of things I should do (most of which I have already looked into). Thanks for lending an ear...er...eye to this. :)
 
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