Anthripophobia (fear of people/society) - Am I alone?

A

Anthropophobia

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2017
Messages
3
#1
I've been dealing with this phobia for more than half of my life and honestly I'm sick of it. I don't have anyone I could talk to about this and I feel like such an outcast. I was abused as a child by my parents, my aunt and my classmates. And I was a very sensitive kid where you could really hurt me by just saying that I'm weird or stupid. My parents didn't really let me "be a kid", if you could even say that, they didn't let me feel. When I was crying or was afraid or even when I was laughing they were calling me a retard or they made fun of me. So I learned that I can never show any emotions in front of people. And that's probably why I could never make any friends at school and some of them started bullying me because "I was weird" and I had to deal with all of this by myself (when I went for help to my parents they said I'm pathetic). But that wasn't the worst part. I was born when my parents were still very young and they didn't want to have kids but... I happened and... sometimes I felt as if they were taking out their anger and frustration on me because I ruined their life. They often called me awful names and made me self-conscious. And my father'd rather "knock some sense into me" than let me know what I did wrong by kicking my back a few times and slapping my back when he was finished (when he was about to beat me I used to sit on the floor and tried to cover myself). Also my aunt used to strip my lower half naked before hitting me and it was really humiliating. So then came the time when I started being afraid of people (even just one person) and I started isolating myself so no one can hurt me. But I'm so sick of it I don't want to be afraid anymore but I can't help it. Whenever I see someone I start panicking and I want to get as far away as possible. And I would like to see that I'm not alone because I've been feeling lonely for the past 12 years now. I would like to hear someone out who's feeling like me. I don't want to feel like an outcast anymore.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,534
Location
The West Country
#2
First of all, welcome to the forum. :welcome:

It sounds like you've had really horrible experiences in your life and i'm truly sorry to hear that.

For whatever reasons, it sounds like your parents and aunt were incapable of giving you the support and love that you needed. And understandably, it affected your self-esteem which in turn made building friendships really hard.

I have to say that from what you've written, you are incredibly insightful and intelligent when it comes to putting the pieces of your story together and identifying how things have affected you. That's a really big advantage when it comes to making some changes.

Have you had any counselling or therapy at all?
It can be difficult to go over painful experiences, but ultimately it can also be really helpful.
I do think that you could do with some help with processing your past and looking forward to how you want your future to be.
Hopefully they can help you take small steps towards changing things when the time is right and you're ready.

Of course, seeing a counsellor or therapist involves putting some trust into someone but it's a safe environment, so it's a good place to start.
Something like this will take time but maybe now you're getting to the point where the pain of the loneliness is greater than the fear of people.

Finally just want to say you're not an outcast at all, and by all means stick around the forum - there are lots of us here who find it difficult to get out and have a 'normal' social life.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,501
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#3
I'm sorry you have had such an unkind childhood. Every child deserves to be loved. I had an insane childhood myself. I also felt completely out of place in social situations. I didn't deserve to exist. But I was finally socialized in 12 Step Meetings and in group therapy. I learned verbal patterns that were new to me. I also learned from being in a Buddhist group. So be brave, and put yourself in situations where you can grow. :loveshower:
 
A

Anthropophobia

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2017
Messages
3
#4
To SomersetScorpio
Thank you very much for answering. It means so much to me. I was actually quite hesitant about posting here because I'm not really good with words and my story is pretty much chaotic but I didn't want it to be too long and I wanted to put the most important pieces in there. Hearing that I'm intelligent actually made me smile a bit and I wanted to thank you for that because I didn't really hear good things about me in my entire life. For the most part of my life I was alone and I've been thinking a lot about myself, why I'm like this and what is wrong with me and I've come to this conclusions. I have never had any therapy or counseling at all, though in high school my teacher suggested it to my mother but she declined. And that would be probably the best way as you've said to overcome my fear but honestly I'm afraid of it. And the part were I said I wasn't able to make any friends is not entirely true, because I did make one friend. I know it sounds weird and complicated but maybe I didn't mention her because I was always dreading there would come a time where she would leave and forget about me like most people who showed any interest towards me but even after 13 years she still wants to meet with me and contacts me. And she's the only person I trust so maybe I should talk to her. Maybe she would give me the strength and courage to make a step to slowly change myself. She's the most understanding and kindest person I have ever met.
 
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A

Anthropophobia

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2017
Messages
3
#5
To Poopy Doll
Thank you and I'm sorry your childhood weren't easy for you, too. I felt just like you say you did. There was a time where I realized I wasn't worthy of my parents' love. It's funny but I can't even talk, I don't know how to start a conversation and I can't keep it going. I'll try to go on a therapy but it won't be easy because I'm such a coward. But I can't let my fear to keep me from living because I only exist right now and what's the point in that.
 
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I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
#6
I've been dealing with this phobia for more than half of my life and honestly I'm sick of it. I don't have anyone I could talk to about this and I feel like such an outcast. I was abused as a child by my parents, my aunt and my classmates. And I was a very sensitive kid where you could really hurt me by just saying that I'm weird or stupid. My parents didn't really let me "be a kid", if you could even say that, they didn't let me feel. When I was crying or was afraid or even when I was laughing they were calling me a retard or they made fun of me. So I learned that I can never show any emotions in front of people. And that's probably why I could never make any friends at school and some of them started bullying me because "I was weird" and I had to deal with all of this by myself (when I went for help to my parents they said I'm pathetic). But that wasn't the worst part. I was born when my parents were still very young and they didn't want to have kids but... I happened and... sometimes I felt as if they were taking out their anger and frustration on me because I ruined their life. They often called me awful names and made me self-conscious. And my father'd rather "knock some sense into me" than let me know what I did wrong by kicking my back a few times and slapping my back when he was finished (when he was about to beat me I used to sit on the floor and tried to cover myself). Also my aunt used to strip my lower half naked before hitting me and it was really humiliating. So then came the time when I started being afraid of people (even just one person) and I started isolating myself so no one can hurt me. But I'm so sick of it I don't want to be afraid anymore but I can't help it. Whenever I see someone I start panicking and I want to get as far away as possible. And I would like to see that I'm not alone because I've been feeling lonely for the past 12 years now. I would like to hear someone out who's feeling like me. I don't want to feel like an outcast anymore.
I have this fear too. In fact I posted a thread about this of my own in late 2016. I am afraid of even my dearest loved ones sometimes. I am most afraid of my mental health providers. I hope your anthropophobia gets better. Please talk to me about it more if you need too. :hug:
 
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