Antagonists

[Isobel]

Unfortunately I find it hard to make the time that I'd like to have to read more than a little in this forum (lousy concentration means that I can't read too much at a time as well), but, I've just read through a long thread which is now (I think) closed and it reminded me of times past.
When J and I were in the therapeutic community (so-called) there was always
one patient who acted either as a catalyst or an antagonist (sometimes both) to the rest. It wasn't the same person all the time but did tend to be someone who stood out, a bit different from the rest even though we were all very different. We were all there because of intractable problems so we were probably all quite easily antagonised to a greater or lesser degree and depending on what was actually going on the place could be extremely volatile and all the emotion focussed on this one patient. This happened however aware we were of his/her problems and however fairly we tried to behave.
One of those people had colossal anger outbursts which completely terrified me, leaving me shaking for days and another had been appallingly abused as a child and then had a major disabling accident, coming across as having a 'victim' outlook. Even though it was incredibly difficult being there at the time it did really help me in learning how to be with people and in situations where emotions and actions were extreme. I still hate anger and still do my best to keep things peaceful but I can let myself be angry now which is a HUGE thing.

Angels fly because they take themselves lightly

 

[Rorschach]

Taken on board Isobel, I have a feeling I may have figured in some of the threads, and if it's upset you at all I'd like to apologise. I'm hoping whatever it was hasn't upset you enough for you to stop coming to the forum, and if it did involve me feel no way about outlining where my discourse might have disturbed you, I will definitely try and take it on board. I have had a couple of people really wind me up, and your description of your experiences make me realise why it has been. Patients learn to crack on, making the best of a sometimes bad situation, putting ego aside for the good of the collective...

 

[Isobel]

Hey Rorschach,
Thank you for such a quick response. I admit that I was a bit disturbed because I have a big enough head to think that I had some idea of the dynamics.
All is cooooooooool!

 

[midnight]

hi Isobel,

totally agree with your first post - I am struggling with concentration at the moment too and feel like I 'can't keep up'

I'' try to keep this brief for our sakes but bear in mind it might be abit frank

re: your theaputic community experiences I totally agree. Where I live there are 3 levels of ward reflecting the nature of the patients there. I ended up in level 2 50 miles from home becuase I was considered high risk, I was there 6 weeks and experienced one patient hospitalise another by punching them so hard they sustained fractures due to hitting the wall the other side of the room, a lass slashed her wrists in front of me so badly she was transferred 150miles away to get them repaired, a lad overdosed in a communial lounge after taking too many 'street' drugs, the ward was set fire to, the drug squad came in to name but a few.

I knew that unless I became the 'alpha' female I would end up gettting hurt so I noted who it was at the time and worked on her. IT took me 2 weeks to end up then having the support and respect I needed to give me the confidence to even go to meal times

I feel I need therapy to get over that experience thank you so I totally agree with what you are saying

 

[Isobel]

Hello Midnight,
I appreciate frankness, it means (hopefully) that we all understand one another. It can get really messy when people speak in hints etc.
That ward sounds really tough. I've known people throwing things - including chairs - setting fire to things deliberately and accidentally, seen the most inventive and horrible ways of self-harming and been shoved around by someone who was totally psychotic so far as anyone could tell but not somewhere with someone like the person you mention. You deserve a HUGE bouquet for doing what you did, it's something the staff should have done. I don't know if they leave things like that to the patients for 'therapeutic' reasons, from laziness or that they can't be bothered to work out what's happening and get in there and sort it. Maybe I malign them, or some of them at any rate. What do you think?