Another thread again, sorry.

Angels_Fire

Angels_Fire

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#1
Ok... I honestly didn't think I'd get so many replies and people not wanting me to do something stupid. I still really want to do it. I've been sat in my room now for an hour staring at a means of serious harm. I don't know why but I can't do it??

I've not wanted anything more than this, but, what fallen has said to me about my little sister and neice has me thinking about them so much that I think I physically can't do it right now and the support off of everyone else has been amazing.

I feel I have nothing to live for so why now??

I think I'm falling for someone on here which is not healthy I know, I feel special when I talk to this person even if it's not all of the time, something I don't feel in real life. I don't know what the point to that was but I needed to say it. (I'm not saying any names).

Anyway... Even though I'm still at a 9 right now, I think I'm going to give everything to my bf and phone my CC tomorrow. I don't want to but if I can't do this simple thing now, I might aswell at least try some help?? Or maybe I'll just hide everything until I'm feeling brave enough?? I don't know.

I'm sorry for all of the bother I have caused to everyone on here :( I really am :(

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
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Hellbilly

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#2
Hey angels
Well done its a good call
I'm glad
And you know that we can all sort it out for you now
And will continue to support you in the futurem
 
Angels_Fire

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#3
Hey angels
Well done its a good call
I'm glad
And you know that we can all sort it out for you now
And will continue to support you in the futurem
I'm going to try, I can't promise though because I'm still at a 9 right now so I'm hiding everything for now.

Like I said I will try though.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
Stripeysocks

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#7
Hi Angels,
I'm sorry I haven't seen your earlier thread but have just seen this one now. I'm sorry you are feeling like this but I'm glad the support you got on here has been so good. I'm so glad you are feeling like you might be able to give everything to your bf and call your CC tomorrow (I'm not sure what cc stands for - counsellor of some sort?). It sounds like a good plan. Maybe talking to your bf might help too? Or if you are in the UK you can call the Samaritans to just talk it through and talk through your options. I'm sorry if I am doubling up on anyone else's advice from earlier.
I just really want you to be safe and not be suffering and most of all I want you to be here still with us. You can see how valued you are here. I hope that helps a little bit to know that.
Be kind to yourself Angels. Keep posting if it helps.
Big hugs, Stripey xxx
 
F

fallen

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#8
Don't regret anything, Angels-sounds like you've made a couple of good decisions. You got through today and you will get through tomorrow and will continue to get through it until everything seems easier, I'm sure.

:hug1:
 
Angels_Fire

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#9
Hi Angels,
I'm sorry I haven't seen your earlier thread but have just seen this one now. I'm sorry you are feeling like this but I'm glad the support you got on here has been so good. I'm so glad you are feeling like you might be able to give everything to your bf and call your CC tomorrow (I'm not sure what cc stands for - counsellor of some sort?). It sounds like a good plan. Maybe talking to your bf might help too? Or if you are in the UK you can call the Samaritans to just talk it through and talk through your options. I'm sorry if I am doubling up on anyone else's advice from earlier.
I just really want you to be safe and not be suffering and most of all I want you to be here still with us. You can see how valued you are here. I hope that helps a little bit to know that.
Be kind to yourself Angels. Keep posting if it helps.
Big hugs, Stripey xxx
Thanks Stripey,

Please don't apologise.

CC stands for care coordinater, she's with the mental health team.

I made a thread yesterday, I can't talk to my bf really, he's not been supportive of me lately. I think that may be why I'm falling for someone on here :(

I've decided to keep everything, I'm still at a 9 and I want a sense of control over whether I live or die.

I don't like posting threads about my problems normally, I've had a really tough time lately and it was a mistake to post here in the first place I think.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
Angels_Fire

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#10
Don't regret anything, Angels-sounds like you've made a couple of good decisions. You got through today and you will get through tomorrow and will continue to get through it until everything seems easier, I'm sure.

:hug1:
Thanks fallen :hug: it really means alot.

Tomorrow is going to be the biggest test, I've got to face something I'd rather not talk about and I'm going to be home alone all day because my bf starts his job tomorrow.

I'm going to try and refrain from starting threads tomorrow aswell.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
F

fallen

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#11
Could you maybe plan your day tomorrow so that you have things to distract yourself, if you find that works. Puzzles and computer games sometimes can do the trick-has done for me in the past.

And if you need to start new threads tomorrow-there's no problem-nobody judges you here-if you need the support or even if you just want to chat that's what we're here for. I'll probably be on and off here as per usual so feel free to pm me if you need to.

Take care. :hug1:
 
Angels_Fire

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#12
Could you maybe plan your day tomorrow so that you have things to distract yourself, if you find that works. Puzzles and computer games sometimes can do the trick-has done for me in the past.

And if you need to start new threads tomorrow-there's no problem-nobody judges you here-if you need the support or even if you just want to chat that's what we're here for. I'll probably be on and off here as per usual so feel free to pm me if you need to.

Take care. :hug1:
I have games on my phone but I have a short attention span so nothing distracts me for long, I can cope with this because it's small posts so they don't need much attention but apart from that, nothing works.

Thank you fallen, it really does mean alot.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
Stripeysocks

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#13
I'm sorry you feel it was a mistake to start a thread about your problems. I'm certainly not judging you and I'm quite sure nobody else is either. It's hard to open up when you are not used to doing that and then it's easy to get scared and feel vulnerable about it. I know. Maybe if you have a difficult day ahead of you tomorrow it would be good to allow yourself to post here if you need some support. I guess just see how you feel tomorrow and do what you need to do at the time. It sounds like you need to feel that you are in control at the moment and that things that are happening i.e. not being supported by your bf and this stuff tomorrow are adding to make things feel out of control for you. It's not a nice place to be and that's why we are here to support you as best we can. So please, don't be a stranger.
Hope you get to talk to your CC tomorrow and that it helps.
Keep safe. :hug:
Stripey xxx
 
Angels_Fire

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#14
I'm sorry you feel it was a mistake to start a thread about your problems. I'm certainly not judging you and I'm quite sure nobody else is either. It's hard to open up when you are not used to doing that and then it's easy to get scared and feel vulnerable about it. I know. Maybe if you have a difficult day ahead of you tomorrow it would be good to allow yourself to post here if you need some support. I guess just see how you feel tomorrow and do what you need to do at the time. It sounds like you need to feel that you are in control at the moment and that things that are happening i.e. not being supported by your bf and this stuff tomorrow are adding to make things feel out of control for you. It's not a nice place to be and that's why we are here to support you as best we can. So please, don't be a stranger.
Hope you get to talk to your CC tomorrow and that it helps.
Keep safe. :hug:
Stripey xxx
Thank you Stripey,

Everyones kind words have been very overwhelming.

I don't like to admit I'm weak and need help. I've fought so long on my own, I raised both of my sisters, one us nearly 5 and the other is only 1 year younger than me, I started raising her when I was just 5 years old and the youngest when I was 17. I've never liked to admit I can't cope so I've always liked a sense of control over things.

I will try and post here and I hope so to but I can never get in touch with her when I need to. Here's hoping anyway.

Thank you again.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
C

Callalily

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#15
Hugs to you :hug1: Needing help doesn't make you weak, it sounds like you have had a lot on your shoulders during your life. It's ok for someone to help you for a while rather than you helping others. We are only able to help others if we are in a good place ourselves.

I'm sorry your boyfriend is not supportive of you, that must make it really difficult and increase your feelings that you are going through all of this alone. I am guessing you have tried speaking to him about it all?

Feeling you are falling for someone on here must be confusing for you too. I would suggest you talk about it with the person involved.

My inbox is always open if you want to talk through things. Sometimes it can feel very scary opening up on the open forum, I understand that. There is no shame in posting threads though, everyone here is entitled to the same level of support and you are no different. If it helps you, then I think it is worth it :)
 
Angels_Fire

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#16
Hugs to you :hug1: Needing help doesn't make you weak, it sounds like you have had a lot on your shoulders during your life. It's ok for someone to help you for a while rather than you helping others. We are only able to help others if we are in a good place ourselves.

I'm sorry your boyfriend is not supportive of you, that must make it really difficult and increase your feelings that you are going through all of this alone. I am guessing you have tried speaking to him about it all?

Feeling you are falling for someone on here must be confusing for you too. I would suggest you talk about it with the person involved.

My inbox is always open if you want to talk through things. Sometimes it can feel very scary opening up on the open forum, I understand that. There is no shame in posting threads though, everyone here is entitled to the same level of support and you are no different. If it helps you, then I think it is worth it :)
Thank you Callalily,

I just don't like admitting I need help with anything because I have been so independent for so long, I've had to be.

Yea I have tried to talk to him, I think he's maybe worried about his job today plus other things going on for him to. I think maybe I'm overreacting abit. I won't go into details about his life but basically he has disowned his family to be with me.

I have had a few people PM asking who it is but I'm scared to admit who it actually is because it is so stupid of me to do this, I can't help or stop it though :(

Thank you, that really does mean alot.

After a good nights sleep, I'd say I'm maybe at a 6-7 now so I'm coming down slowly.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
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Stripeysocks

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#17
Hey sweetie,
You know what - asking for help and support is a sign of great strength not weakness. Bringing up your sisters since the age of 5 just shows how strong you are, how strong you have had to be. Like many of us on here you have been through an incredible amount of difficulty (for want of a better word) in your life and although obviously that's shit but if we weren't incredibly strong people we wouldn't have survived in the first place. You are far from weak.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better this morning. Do you feel like you need to get checked out re the self harm last night, physically I mean? Or do you feel it's ok? I for one am so glad you couldn't go through with it last night but sad you made a start. However, if your number has come down on the scale then that's really positive.
You know you can pm me any time, Lu. Don't hesitate if you feel it might help. I'm not saying I have got all the answers but I'm here. :)
Your friend, Stripey xxx
 
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Angels_Fire

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#18
Hey sweetie,
You know what - asking for help and support is a sign of great strength not weakness. Bringing up your sisters since the age of 5 just shows how strong you are, how strong you have had to be. Like many of us on here you have been through an incredible amount of difficulty (for want of a better word) in your life and although obviously that's shit but if we weren't incredibly strong people we wouldn't have survived in the first place. You are far from weak.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better this morning. Do you feel like you need to get checked out re self harm last night, physically I mean? Or do you feel it's ok? I for one am so glad you couldn't go through with it last night but sad you made a start. However, if your number has come down on the scale then that's really positive.
You know you can pm me any time, Lu. Don't hesitate if you feel it might help. I'm not saying I have got all the answers but I'm here. :)
Your friend, Stripey xxx
Hi stripey,

That's what everyone says to me I have never seen that way. I know you're right though. I can't help but feel stupid because I'm just moaning.

Physically I feel fine, I don't feel weird or out of it, just a headache and abit of tummy ache now, if I get worse I'll get checked out.
I'm kind of glad I couldn't go through with it myself, part of me wants to and part of me doesn't now.

Thanks Stripey, that really means alot.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 
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Stripeysocks

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#19
Hi stripey,

That's what everyone says to me I have never seen that way. I know you're right though. I can't help but feel stupid because I'm just moaning.

Physically I feel fine, I don't feel weird or out of it, just a headache and abit of tummy ache now, if I get worse I'll get checked out.
I'm kind of glad I couldn't go through with it myself, part of me wants to and part of me doesn't now.

Thanks Stripey, that really means alot.

Stay strong and be safe xx

That's because you didn't have a choice and you just got on with it. It was just how it was. People tell me how strong I am and I look at them gone out! It's hard to see what others on the outside can see in you. Please don't put yourself down tho, you are not moaning, you are not well and need a bit of support, that's all. Your issues are very valid, I promise.
Yeah do get checked out if anything gets worse, I know it's a hassle but with some self harm it can cause serious damage, and you might not always be aware of it. Not trying to scare you xx Just want you to keep safe xx
I have been feeling like that - part of me still wants to go through with it and part of me doesn't. As long as the bigger part is the one that doesn't want to we'll be ok ;)
Keep posting, big hugs xxx
 
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Angels_Fire

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#20
That's because you didn't have a choice and you just got on with it. It was just how it was. People tell me how strong I am and I look at them gone out! It's hard to see what others on the outside can see in you. Please don't put yourself down tho, you are not moaning, you are not well and need a bit of support, that's all. Your issues are very valid, I promise.
Yeah do get checked out if anything gets worse, I know it's a hassle but with some meds it can cause damage to organs depending on how much you take, and you might not always be aware of it. Not trying to scare you xx Just want you to keep safe xx
I have been feeling like that - part of me still wants to go through with it and part of me doesn't. As long as the bigger part is the one that doesn't want to we'll be ok ;)
Keep posting, big hugs xxx
I know :( it's made me who I am now I guess.
Yea that's exactly what I think, it's mad what others can see in you when you can't see it yourself.
I still feel stupid about it all :/

Oh I know, the first time I done it, I was in intensive care and I now have brain damage and a weak heart and lungs so I know what to look out for.

Thank you so much Stripey, it really does mean alot this.

Stay strong and be safe xx
 

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