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(Another newbie,) Hello there.

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Dual Phoenix

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2019
Messages
1
Location
England
I'm not really sure where to start with this thread, so I guess I'll start with the reason why I joined.

~ Saturday, me and my partner were due to meet my mum in town. I told her we were shopping, so she knew-only when we went to the pub where she was waiting to order food- she was angry and short tempered for having to wait so long.
After a couple of short snappy comments, I was finding it hard to speak.
~ And so, when she asked me over and over what I wanted-not dropping the tone, but instead getting more and more angry and frustrated-she eventually demanded to know what was wrong. By that point, my voice had long since deserted me. She stormed out of the pub, and I was left wondering what had just happened. Why was she so short with us both? Why hadn't I just spoken? It would have made it so much easier...(This isn't the first time this has happened mind, each time I am left feeling rather weak, upset and with a voice several octaves below my usual tone.)
~ Even after she left, and it was just us alone, it was easier for me to talk again. (Though my voice didn't properly get back to it's normal level until several hours later...)
~ I'm 29 now, been with the same guy for 11 years (he's 27 himself). Despite our occasional normal hiccups, we have stayed strong-even over a 3 year long distance relationship at the start. He is by far my best friend, and more. It annoys him when I have my off days, but he's the only one that's ever been able to get through to me. The only one I can properly talk to, even if all I seem to do is complain.

~ My childhood was far from perfect. I had an over controlling dad, with trust issues and a short temper. Me and my sister rarely had a voice, rarely had the chance to speak out. We'd enjoy the sanctuary whenever he went out, it gave us a chance to not walk on egg shells for a few hours, as we didn't have to worry if something was going to set him off.
~ I'm really not looking to complain, but I thought a little backstory may help explain.

~ Now? I am overly paranoid. I freak out when there's change, I've had panic attacks in the past-and even though I don't worry every day over everything-I am overly anxious and I find it hard to talk to new people. To speak out, to be authoritative. And to answer and speak on the phone, it even takes me a few days to speak out when we visit my partners family 300 odd miles away. I get easily unsettled, nervous and overwhelmed-and before I ramble on any longer-this is me.
~ Hi, I'm 'Pho', short for 'Phoenix' or 'Dual Phoenix'. And, after 29 years, I am still trying to figure out what I am.
 
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Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,790
Location
Florida
Hi Phoenix. Welcome to the forum.
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
548
Location
the antipodes
Hi @Dual Phoenix,

I think the answers to your questions will become clearer the more you journey along the path of self change and personal growth.

I'd just like to wish you warm welcome and a thank you for sharing part of your story here.

Welcome Pho!
 
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