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Another death....this time my Uncle Brian

bubbling under

bubbling under

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Hampshire
I've literally just been told by my dad that my Uncle Brian died in spain this morning at 10.30...he was suffering from cancer of the throat...never smoked in his life. This was completely unexpected by us all...as he had recently had an op to remove the tumour. My Auntie Jean and Uncle Ian have flown out to spain already......I don't think our family can possibly cope with much more.........why?????????????:cry::cry:
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

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Just discovered the funeral is already planned for this Friday...is this normal practice in Spain...it seems so soon:(

Anyone?
 
T

Twylight

Guest
At least your Uncle Brian is out of Pain

I always look at death in two ways

It's either very very peaceful OR very very exciting ??
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

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I'm sorry but I fail to see what could possibly seem exciting about this..infact I'm positively offended. Yes he is out of pain, but this news was very unexpected...especially as we only buried my cousin a week ago :cry:
 
T

Twylight

Guest
Sorry if it offended

But perhaps we all go to a much better place ?
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I was with a very close family member when they died; I was very privileged to be with them at that time, it was a very peaceful, & spiritual moment - I never shed a tear at their passing, & not one tear for them since. I agree that death is much like shedding an overcoat, but often it can make things very difficult for those left behind.

My good friend died at school, & their death devastated me. Since then many people I have known, & friends have died. I don't quite know why; but I am unaffected by this. If it was very close certain family members then I think I would feel differently, but for decades I have been unaffected by people dying. The thought of my own death does not phase me at all. I do want a long life - but death, I would agree, can be looked at as a continuation of the adventure. I firmly believe in reincarnation, so much so that I see it as fact, I don't believe that the core aspect of who we are does die. Would those past, want us to be in pain at their passing? death I think is a natural part of life, it comes to us all, & to all things. There is often great creativity, regeneration, & growth in cycles of death, life's only constant is change, & death is something that we can be certain of.

I don't want to sound like I am negating the death of your Uncle, however you feel about this is valid, & genuine to you, your pain is real.

I think that in the West we generally have unhealthy attitudes to death. Some cultures have celebrated & embraced joyously the passing of friends & relatives. Some cultures have had entirely different attitudes to these things, not in a morbid or spiteful way - but in the acknowledgement & appreciation of death; as a natural cycle of life.
 
T

Twylight

Guest
It was 16 years ago when my schizophrenic girlfriend took her own life

All that was available at the time was chlorpromazine - had she lived a little longer a whole batch of new anti-psychotics came out and she might still be here

What was strange that after her death I picked up all her mannerisms.
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

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Location
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I was hoping for some support tbh :(, but thanks for the apology.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi bubbling under,

I'm so sorry you have had even more sad news and grief in your family. Things must seem so sad for you right now.

I am not sure about Spanish customs on funerals however I wonder if it is quick because they know the cause of death and there perhaps won't be any investigations.

Some families do get closer when moved by such over-whelming grief, perhaps you will all learn to cope together.

Will you be going to the funeral do you think?
Are you alone tonight? Is there anyone in your family you can speak with? Or a friend perhaps?

Sapphire :hug:
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

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Location
Hampshire
Thankyou...really not doing so great tbh. A second death within weeks of eachother is cruel beyond belief, and we aren't recovered from losing my cousin...how can we be, and there's still the trial to come yet aswell.
Even though he has been very ill, this was completely unexpected...he was an amazing man, my godfather and so full of life....we'll miss him enormously. He was just here a couple of months back, sat in the lounge drinking coffee and telling us about his hobby of birdwatching. He'd organise trips for tourists to local points of interest....I can't believe we won't see him again :cry:

My dad is flying out friday morning, for the funeral at 3pm....there has been a great struggle to get the spanish undertakers to agree to friday..they wanted to cremate tomorrow:cry:...it's just the way things are done apparently.

I miss him already....and I know that sounds silly..but I've still got far too much grief inside :cry:
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
It doesn't sound silly to me bubbling under. We are all affected by grief in many different ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes after some time. I can imagine how the death of your uncle is now perhaps intensifying the grief for your cousin. It is so sad that it has all happened in a short space of time, in fact that it has happened at all.

I am glad you have such fond memories of your cousin and uncle. Perhaps one day you be able to take comfort from the fact that they will live on, in your memories and the positive influences they have had in your life. Although I can imagine that, right now that must seem a very far off notion.

I would try to take things day by day, try to take it easy and not put huge expectations on yourself this week.

If you can, I would also try to get some sleep, grief can make you feel so exhausted. If you can't is there a friend you can call? I know you have been reluctant in the past, but they were there for you last time and I am sure they will understand with the unexpected death of your uncle today. :hug:
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

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Messages
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Location
Hampshire
Thankyou...am trying to resist alcohol right now, but maybe you're right. Maybe I should try and get some sleep soon....I can't phone my bestfriend as she's on holiday in france with her family until Saturday. Infact it is her daughters 11th birthday today....but that's another story :cry:

Thankyou and sorry. I'm sure you really don't want to be dragged in with all this again, but I really do appreciate you taking the time and energy to help me think things through. Especially, since you took so much time to talk to me with ref to my cousins recent death.

Our family really needs a break.

:hug:
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
:hug: Hey there's no need to apologise. I'm so sorry your friend is away.
I think avoiding alcohol is a very good idea, it is a depressant and will only magnify your grief, even though people hope it will do the opposite.

I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight, you might find it easier than expected because as I said grief can be so emotionally and physically draining, you must be exhausted.

I think your family does need a break. Perhaps you can take that literally and plan for you all to go away somewhere together soon, to have a break away and share some time, your feelings and memories together.

I'm off to bed now, I might catch up with you on here tomorrow :hug:
 
bubbling under

bubbling under

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
Hampshire
Thankyou again Sapphire...I think I'll try and do the same...I hope you sleep well, and thankyou again :hug:
 
B

Bigmouth_Strikes_Again

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Jun 21, 2009
Messages
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I am so sorry! I have lost family members and close friends, currently my grandads brother is battling cancer, the doctors say nothing more can be done.

I know the shock, devastation, grief just completely takes over and you can think of nothing but your loss. Try to take comfort in the fact that he is at peace now. I hope you are ok, look after yourself xx
 
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