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ANGRY

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Viktoria

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I HATE my doctor right now. I'm absolutely disgusted.
 
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Viktoria

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He said he thinks I'm pretending to be better and not suicidal and pretending not to be psychotic. I still have to be within eyesight of staff (so 1-1 observation) and sleep in solitary confinement. He still wants me to take anti psychotics despite what I said about them. And he wants me to go to an intensive therapy clinic for long term illness.
I've done everything I can to show I'm not suicidal or psychotic. I've had meals, I drink, I engage in conversation, I laugh/joke, I listen to staff, I don't protest against going to solitary even though I hate it.
Why can't I just end my life in peace? Why can't it be MY decision to be with Becky?

Tomorrow there's a second opinion psychiatrist to determine whether my section should be renewed (it stops the 19th) for six months or a year and also to review my stay in solitary which happens when patients are in there for more than seven days. I hope I can at least convince this doctor but if he reads my files I don't stand a chance do I.

Please Toasted help me, what do I do to get out of this hell?
 
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mooncat

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Just to say im really sorry its all shit right now my friend.Il send you some nice pictures when i get home.Dont forget i want some vocals for a new dance track.It will happen one day..Hugs.xx
 

cpuusage

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what do I do to get out of this hell?
Only as a very rough suggestion, & i know it isn't an ideal solution - comply, agree with & work with them (within your own conditions).

When i used to tell them i was unwell, & that i liked it in the hospital, they used to throw me out.

If you agree your unwell, then you have insight & your getting better - in their logic.
 
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Viktoria

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They just found tools in my room to commit suicide so they took me to seclusion and gave me a forced injection. I'm back on the ward now though...
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Viktoria I am really sorry that all this has happened to you. But I think you know what I am going to say. I know you don't want to take meds but in order to get out of there you are going to have to co-operate with them, as the more you protest the more they will think you are ill.

And let's face it, you are pretending, and if they let you go when you are hell bent on suicide it would be irresponsible of them.

I know currently you are wanting to make a decision with regards to Becky but do you remember last time you eventually came to see things differently and you were looking forward to moving on, going to uni and so on? Can you hang on to that?

If you agree to take meds they may discharge you earlier if they feel you are improving. Did they not do that last time? Would be better than having your stay extended wouldn't it?

I am not pro meds at all, I can totally understand you don't want to put that stuff in your body but I am a realist, to hang on to your dignity and get out of their fast the best I can say to you is co-operate, take the stuff then get out of there, you will have more choice and control over things then. I am sorry. Sending you hugs :hug: xxxx
 
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Viktoria

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Thank you both.
I slept all evening on the sofa so I probably won't get to sleep in that stupid cell tonight. The injection knocked me out.
Of course I remember you Nikita, good to see you back on here. How are you?
And how are you, Marliee?
I hope this all ends soon, I've got my hopes pinned on this second opinion doctor tomorrow, but after what they found in my room today I don't know how much of a chance I stand. It's hopeless really...
 
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Viktoria

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Only as a very rough suggestion, & i know it isn't an ideal solution - comply, agree with & work with them (within your own conditions).

When i used to tell them i was unwell, & that i liked it in the hospital, they used to throw me out.

If you agree your unwell, then you have insight & your getting better - in their logic.
But I'm not unwell. He says it's the illness that causes me to want to die but I was actually leading a perfectly healthy life and still want it to stop, so it's a healthy decision. Not an ill made one.
I'm just not agreeing with my doc and that's hard. He's got the power to do whatever he likes. And as long as he decides I'm ill I don't stand a chance really.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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But I'm not unwell. He says it's the illness that causes me to want to die but I was actually leading a perfectly healthy life and still want it to stop, so it's a healthy decision. Not an ill made one.
I'm just not agreeing with my doc and that's hard. He's got the power to do whatever he likes. And as long as he decides I'm ill I don't stand a chance really.
But is it not that you are wanting to go and join Becky again, that she is telling you to go. And in their opinion Becky is not real, and therefore a manifestation of an illness.

That is how they are thinking anyway, imo.

I am not sure how/why your desire to die is a healthy decision. But regardless, they are not going to have a philosophical debate with you about a person's right to decide when to die or for what reason, they have legal structures in place and those are what you will need to work within in order to get out of there.

They are never going to let you out if you say you've made a healthy decision to die and are not unwell. Do they know Becky is back, or suspect she is?
 
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sci31A

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Jul 6, 2014
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I think the doctors maybe just being cautious. They no doubt have come across people who lie to them out straight.

If they were to take you at your word then you went and killed your self they would be liable. I'm not saying that you would but they cannot take that chance.

You may just have to play ball for a while, until they trust what your saying is true irrespective of it all ready being true. And don't give them anything they can misinterpret to keep you longer.

Hope that helps.
 
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Deliah

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Hey Sweet heart, sounds like a real pain in the arse for you. I remember feeling so angry in hospital when I felt that they had entirely misunderstood me. I understand now that they see what they see. We have no power in what another person sees. I did refuse meds over a period of two weeks. Didn't back down. Was in a secure ward and told them my voices had all gone. Worked a treat and they were happy to let me go. I think though if you are wanting to commit suicide then maybe they are keeping you safe from yourself for now even though you're having a horrible time. love to you. Don't listen to that voice. love D xx
 
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Viktoria

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Do they know Becky is back, or suspect she is?
They suspect she is but I've denied. They also now know I don't see Becky as a psychotic experience. Hence I don't want anti psychotics.

I saw a second opinion doctor today who was talking about mood stabilisers and so was the duty doctor I spoke to.
I don't know... I'm not diagnosed with bipolar as far as I'm aware.

I'm allowed to sleep in my room again. So that's good news. But that's the only good news. They found me preparing stuff again. They don't believe a word I say anymore.
 
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Viktoria

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1-1 observation has just reached a whole new level.
 
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