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Androphobia

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AwakeAndNervous

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Had a look and couldn't find anything else for this posted so far (not sure if I'm looking in the wrong place?)

Last 3 years or so been feeling more and more afraid of men - last year it got to the point where I had to carry a knife to feel safe just in case I saw men outside. Obviously this isn't a great practical solution...

Still find myself doing things like putting my bag on the bus seat next to me if I see men getting on the bus because I don't want them that close to me (and I HATE when people do that...! )

Has anyone else dealt with this before?
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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I haven't but was wondering if these feelings are due to something that has happened? (you don't have to say if you don't want to, or say what)

If it is then maybe some support/counselling around that might help.
 
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AwakeAndNervous

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Kind of - always had problems with my father and had some spectacularly abusive exes, but the phobia goes beyond reason - I'm not comfortable with boys of any age, even children. I don't even like inanimate objects that come across as "male"... Which sounds ridiculous but realising that doesn't make them any less frightening.

Counselling would probably be an idea, but I keep getting pushed down the waiting list for another 6-week block.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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You definitely would benefit from counselling from the sounds of things.
Why are you being pushed down the waiting list?
Who has referred you? I would go back to whoever has referred you and explain just exactly what an big impact this problem is having on your life. It's not good enough to keep you waiting.
I wouldn't go as far as saying i'm phobic of men, but I have definitely had major anxiety issues. I'm by no means free of it even now, but I have come a long way from how I was several years ago.
I think what's helped me is spending time around men (in a mixed, 'safe' environment) and just spending time in non-threatening situations.
If you've got a lot of bad experiences/memories around men, then you need to create experiences that are more neutral so that eventually you have more scenarios where things were ok to draw on.. hope that makes sense.
I found going to a pottery group has helped a lot. It was mainly women, but the men that were there were much older and were totally non-threatening. And because the course was practical, there was no pressure to have conversation. It was just a case of 'being' and making things in a calm environment.

I do think i'm going on a bit now, so i'll stop here.
I would suggest making some noise about the counselling to the right person, and when you're ready, just gently start putting yourself in situations that expose you to men (but situations that are safe and that you can get out of if you're uncomfortable). x
 
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AwakeAndNervous

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My GP referred me - they keep putting it off until they've heard what psych says, psych says he wants to hear what support worker thinks and support worker passes it back to GP...

I'm sure it would be helpful, it just doesn't seem available.
 
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Dottyone

Guest
I am not a Dr or Qualified in anyway, but I would imagine counciling is the way to go for you, I hope you can get over this and start living your life to the full.

Just so you are aware Possession of a knife can carry a prison sentence of up to 4 years in the UK even if it's not used.

You really dont need that going on as well.

Best of luck!
 
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smoothmama

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May 14, 2016
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Hello all this is the first time I have been on this site and I have androphobia, i have gone on line and got some self help books which is helping they talk about reasonable thinking which is to reason the situation out like on the bus if a man comes near i say well he wont hurt me he may not even sit near me and there is a lot of people around i still have serious symptoms especially if it happens quickly but i have to keep trying. has anyone else got this
 
Acadia

Acadia

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There is some very good advice posted on this thread already, and I definitely agree that counseling could be very beneficial for you, and also as suggested by Somerset, slowly entering into safe situations involving men, perhaps with the guidance and encouragement of a counselor.

Keep knocking on doors and making yourself a priority. You don't deserve to be passed back and forth in the system. You have a right to seek help and receive it.

Wishing you all the best. :)
 
Acadia

Acadia

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Hello all this is the first time I have been on this site and I have androphobia, i have gone on line and got some self help books which is helping they talk about reasonable thinking which is to reason the situation out like on the bus if a man comes near i say well he wont hurt me he may not even sit near me and there is a lot of people around i still have serious symptoms especially if it happens quickly but i have to keep trying. has anyone else got this
Welcome Smoothmama. :)

You are not alone in your fears. There are others here that have dealt with some of the same things you are going through.

You seem to have a good perspective on some of the ways you can help yourself through difficult situations. Self - talk is indeed very important. This is something I had to learn with my anxiety as well.

Have you spoken to your doctor about your concerns? There is good help available. It can be hard to reach out and find it, but it is so worth it. And of course, being part of a community like this is so beneficial. You can find a lot of encouragement here as well as encourage others. Being there for others is a blessing and can also bring healing into your own life. :)
 
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smoothmama

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Thank you I have had six weeks of counselling already it helped . I have been to see my gp she just wants to put me on medication which to me is just hiding the problem so I am taking nothing . I know everyone says that medication will take the edge off it but I want all of it gone not just the edge.
the best thing to do is just to take one day at a time and the most important advice I can give anyone going through this is don't give up it is easy to say but very hard to do there is a light at the end of the tunnel
 
Acadia

Acadia

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Thank you I have had six weeks of counselling already it helped . I have been to see my gp she just wants to put me on medication which to me is just hiding the problem so I am taking nothing . I know everyone says that medication will take the edge off it but I want all of it gone not just the edge.
the best thing to do is just to take one day at a time and the most important advice I can give anyone going through this is don't give up it is easy to say but very hard to do there is a light at the end of the tunnel
I do agree that often medication can be prescribed too quickly; it really does need to be decided on a case by case basis.

Medication is not necessary for everyone, but it has made a major difference for many, including me. When I started medication, I refused to do so without also being able to have ongoing support from a counselor. I can only speak of my own experiences however, and for me, medication, along with professional counseling, truly helped me "get my life back."

You are absolutely right, take one day at a time. There's enough to deal with each day as it is. :)
 
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smoothmama

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Thank you Acadia i appreciate what you are saying i to want my life back I have lost my friends through this and now i feel like my whole life has been turned upside down with this but i know i will just have to take one day at a time .
 
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CrimsonRed

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Hi Smoothmama,

i would certainly be looking down the therapy root, purely because this is something that could have manifested from previous experiences with exs', father etc.

Do you know when it began at all? Often with phobics there is a certain trigger :)
 
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