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An update. I may not do it.... Just yet...

B

Big Boar

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2017
Messages
29
Hello people. I'm the one who posted my "last post" a question about a method of suicide.
Want to tell my situation.
First Im the type that prefer to make multiple girls happy/smile, act like childlike with some kinky fetish talks, than having "serious" one on one relationship, If I have a girlfriend I won't be able to do that. I'm also into anime, trance, techno music. I'm also a begginer Manga artist.
I'm 29 years old and I just witnessed my cousin got married. He's the last of my cousin that is still single and got married, it made me think that someday I will go there too.

Ok the thing is... something on me that is still remained unfulfilled to go into marriage. Society always demands good/useful responsible parents whether your youth is fullfiled or not. They don't care about you, even if some "cares" it is religion base consolation telling you to have faith in God, be responsible as heaven or kingdom of God awaits at the end of the road together with your spouse or family.

The second is... I may born Catholic but I no longer accept their view and belief about this existence. By heart i don't belong to any religion although I like eastern view of spirituality a bit more, I also like deep modern scientific view like Quantum mechanics and Gaia hypothesis. I found out that if I go into marriage, I will undergo seminar and swear and accept to believe Catholic belief and view when in fact I don't believe this existence works on Catholic belief. Should I just follow the flow and pretend that I accept?
My view is bit complicated, if I try to describe my side I would say: if the community like Catholic is "White", and evil is "Black" I'm a "Gray", and it's an introvert gray.

I once suffer a major severe depression years ago and it's the most painful I ever experienced in my life. Today it's no longer that grave, but I still suffer from major inferiority and low self esteem. I have no trouble approaching girls, but I feel very uncomfortable if their family, relatives is liking or appreciates me. Like I should be ashamed, it's hard not to cover face and act full. That's one of reason I resigned from work, I feel uncomfortable if I have superior position and workers address me as their leader.

No one knows and appreciate me and my world, people sees unsuccessful and not so good looking people as "use" and I can't stand if people do care about me. Then why should I go on living?

My mother is bit way too dumb and over care to me. My father just follows to flow and like "believing" in religion but he's not serious about it.
He's just an ally, not a believer.
If he converse with a real Catholic believer it will go like this:

Catholic: "you're a great father for being responsible parent, may God bless you"
Dad: "errmm.. yeah, he will help me become rich right?"
Catholic: "yes, God Values great fathers that knows de wae"
Dad: "right. Oh wait! I saw some cats in my backyard, where's my wooden bat, I'm gonna beat them. Damn cats! Shiting on my backyard!"
My father is indeed great man. He become middle class despite born very poor.
he keep persevere, study and industrious like a machine To afford a medium decent house by working as engineer abroad.

here what I notice. He only remembers God if he's in financial crisis or family being in a hospital.
I'm from Philippines and there's a Christian/Catholic practice here about Black Nazareth or black christ being in worshipped. Since we have low on money (he's retired) and I have no Job, he ask me. "Why not go there and kiss that statue's feet, just believe! Millions of people are believing they cannot be wrong! Oh and one must struggle to live"

There's lot to talk. I'll end this for now by talking why I didn't do it yet. First when drawing manga girls, something about it makes me want go on living. My father doesn't see the beauty of it and always ask if I could become rich from it.
I'm also want to flirt girls.
im a technology/smartphone enthusiast.

I might still do it someday, as something inside that is remained unfulfilled and it makes me don't want to reach 30's

Thank you for listening.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Hello people. I'm the one who posted my "last post" a question about a method of suicide.
Want to tell my situation.
First Im the type that prefer to make multiple girls happy/smile, act like childlike with some kinky fetish talks, than having "serious" one on one relationship, If I have a girlfriend I won't be able to do that. I'm also into anime, trance, techno music. I'm also a begginer Manga artist.
I'm 29 years old and I just witnessed my cousin got married. He's the last of my cousin that is still single and got married, it made me think that someday I will go there too.

Ok the thing is... something on me that is still remained unfulfilled to go into marriage. Society always demands good/useful responsible parents whether your youth is fullfiled or not. They don't care about you, even if some "cares" it is religion base consolation telling you to have faith in God, be responsible as heaven or kingdom of God awaits at the end of the road together with your spouse or family.

The second is... I may born Catholic but I no longer accept their view and belief about this existence. By heart i don't belong to any religion although I like eastern view of spirituality a bit more, I also like deep modern scientific view like Quantum mechanics and Gaia hypothesis. I found out that if I go into marriage, I will undergo seminar and swear and accept to believe Catholic belief and view when in fact I don't believe this existence works on Catholic belief. Should I just follow the flow and pretend that I accept?
My view is bit complicated, if I try to describe my side I would say: if the community like Catholic is "White", and evil is "Black" I'm a "Gray", and it's an introvert gray.

I once suffer a major severe depression years ago and it's the most painful I ever experienced in my life. Today it's no longer that grave, but I still suffer from major inferiority and low self esteem. I have no trouble approaching girls, but I feel very uncomfortable if their family, relatives is liking or appreciates me. Like I should be ashamed, it's hard not to cover face and act full. That's one of reason I resigned from work, I feel uncomfortable if I have superior position and workers address me as their leader.

No one knows and appreciate me and my world, people sees unsuccessful and not so good looking people as "use" and I can't stand if people do care about me. Then why should I go on living?

My mother is bit way too dumb and over care to me. My father just follows to flow and like "believing" in religion but he's not serious about it.
He's just an ally, not a believer.
If he converse with a real Catholic believer it will go like this:

Catholic: "you're a great father for being responsible parent, may God bless you"
Dad: "errmm.. yeah, he will help me become rich right?"
Catholic: "yes, God Values great fathers that knows de wae"
Dad: "right. Oh wait! I saw some cats in my backyard, where's my wooden bat, I'm gonna beat them. Damn cats! Shiting on my backyard!"
My father is indeed great man. He become middle class despite born very poor.
he keep persevere, study and industrious like a machine To afford a medium decent house by working as engineer abroad.

here what I notice. He only remembers God if he's in financial crisis or family being in a hospital.
I'm from Philippines and there's a Christian/Catholic practice here about Black Nazareth or black christ being in worshipped. Since we have low on money (he's retired) and I have no Job, he ask me. "Why not go there and kiss that statue's feet, just believe! Millions of people are believing they cannot be wrong! Oh and one must struggle to live"

There's lot to talk. I'll end this for now by talking why I didn't do it yet. First when drawing manga girls, something about it makes me want go on living. My father doesn't see the beauty of it and always ask if I could become rich from it.
I'm also want to flirt girls.
im a technology/smartphone enthusiast.

I might still do it someday, as something inside that is remained unfulfilled and it makes me don't want to reach 30's

Thank you for listening.
Please keep living
 
O

Oceancherryaqua

Member
Joined
Apr 2, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Overland park ka
Clearly you way overlook everything so do I. Things become complicated when investigating everything. Life's hard it can be easy maybe we can help each other out
 
B

Big Boar

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2017
Messages
29
Clearly you way overlook everything so do I. Things become complicated when investigating everything. Life's hard it can be easy maybe we can help each other out
Thank you I will try seek help more
 
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