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- Sep 4, 2009
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An Introductiom/my experience with depression! am I bipolar? (Long read... sorry)
Hi All,
I'm 23, male from the south of England and have suffered from depression since I was 17
Any help or advice would be great!
When I was about 14 I was doing well at a Grammar school, had a happy family home etc. but then I started to smoke weed and do other drugs on occasions but mainly I was stoned for about 3 years pretty much constantly very rarely stopping and feeling 'normal'
During this time my parents split, I dropped out of school after getting ok GCSEs, went to college twice and dropped out and basically wasted a few years getting stoned and chilling with mates. I am assamed to admit that during this time I even resorting to stealing from my parents to buy drugs something I can't forgive myself for. I've also had a bit of financial stress, never bankrupt or anything but always balancing loans etc.
When I decided to stop smoking weed I started getting incredibly bad anxiety attacks almost instantly and was diagnosed with depression and prescribed venlafaxine, I was bed bound for almost a month and could barely even speak to my family. I guess it was a nervous breakdown.
After months of no work or responsibility I slowly built back my confidence thanks to healthy living and the medication and before long was socialising again... I started smoking weed again this time probably for about a year. This stopped when I met a girl who I was with for over a year, my time with her was very happy and I rarely felt depressed. When we split I was devastated by kept on with my job and despite being heart broken managed to live normally,
skip a few years and Im in a good job, well paid, and at 23 the equivalent job a new graduate would step in to in the same company so its fair to say I was doing ok, new girlfriend and down to 17.5mg venlafaxine per day. Still getting stressed out but in my eyes just normal day to day stress everyone experiences so about 3 weeks ago I decided to try stopping the medication
I was ok for about 6 days then bang at my girlfriends I have a bad anxiety attack, these anxiety attacks continue for about a week getting worse despite beginning to take Venlafaxine again (75mg) and I feel like im on the verge of a breakdown again, I couldnt cope with work so I called my GP and they recommended taking 150mg ven per day which I have been doing for the past week but right now I don't feel much better. Towards the end of my week off I started feeling better and went to the cinema, shopping etc. and coped ok but today I was going to go to my girlfriends house when I was overwelmed with anxiety and now again I feel terrible.
Work don't know about my condition and I was signed off with a virus but I don't think I'll be back on Monday and to be honest right now don't know if i'll be able to go back at all
Im not sure if another week off will benefit me or not or whether Im facing an inevitable breakdown
Surely if im still suffering after 6 years I must be bi-polar? I dont know, my GP isnt too helpful but maybe Im not helping myself. Ive had about 2 counscelling sessions but they didn't seem helpful to me.
Im sorry this is all a bit jumbled and vague its not easy to condense 6 years into a few paragraphs! but after finding this forum wanted to share my experience and see others views.
One other thing that has always played on my mind is there was one occasion when I was living my 'bad' lifestyle before prescribed with depression when I did alot of speed and literally felt like my nerves exploded, I have never felt the same since but am unsure whether this was just a bad come down and unmasked my depression or whether that one occasion could have caused my anxiety condition. Basically could one occasion like this have a permanent effect on my brain which I will never recover properly from?!
I'll stop talking sh*t now... any comments of suggestions would be appreciated and even if not thanks for reading my esssssay.
Hi All,
I'm 23, male from the south of England and have suffered from depression since I was 17

Any help or advice would be great!
When I was about 14 I was doing well at a Grammar school, had a happy family home etc. but then I started to smoke weed and do other drugs on occasions but mainly I was stoned for about 3 years pretty much constantly very rarely stopping and feeling 'normal'
During this time my parents split, I dropped out of school after getting ok GCSEs, went to college twice and dropped out and basically wasted a few years getting stoned and chilling with mates. I am assamed to admit that during this time I even resorting to stealing from my parents to buy drugs something I can't forgive myself for. I've also had a bit of financial stress, never bankrupt or anything but always balancing loans etc.
When I decided to stop smoking weed I started getting incredibly bad anxiety attacks almost instantly and was diagnosed with depression and prescribed venlafaxine, I was bed bound for almost a month and could barely even speak to my family. I guess it was a nervous breakdown.
After months of no work or responsibility I slowly built back my confidence thanks to healthy living and the medication and before long was socialising again... I started smoking weed again this time probably for about a year. This stopped when I met a girl who I was with for over a year, my time with her was very happy and I rarely felt depressed. When we split I was devastated by kept on with my job and despite being heart broken managed to live normally,
skip a few years and Im in a good job, well paid, and at 23 the equivalent job a new graduate would step in to in the same company so its fair to say I was doing ok, new girlfriend and down to 17.5mg venlafaxine per day. Still getting stressed out but in my eyes just normal day to day stress everyone experiences so about 3 weeks ago I decided to try stopping the medication
I was ok for about 6 days then bang at my girlfriends I have a bad anxiety attack, these anxiety attacks continue for about a week getting worse despite beginning to take Venlafaxine again (75mg) and I feel like im on the verge of a breakdown again, I couldnt cope with work so I called my GP and they recommended taking 150mg ven per day which I have been doing for the past week but right now I don't feel much better. Towards the end of my week off I started feeling better and went to the cinema, shopping etc. and coped ok but today I was going to go to my girlfriends house when I was overwelmed with anxiety and now again I feel terrible.
Work don't know about my condition and I was signed off with a virus but I don't think I'll be back on Monday and to be honest right now don't know if i'll be able to go back at all

Im not sure if another week off will benefit me or not or whether Im facing an inevitable breakdown
Surely if im still suffering after 6 years I must be bi-polar? I dont know, my GP isnt too helpful but maybe Im not helping myself. Ive had about 2 counscelling sessions but they didn't seem helpful to me.
Im sorry this is all a bit jumbled and vague its not easy to condense 6 years into a few paragraphs! but after finding this forum wanted to share my experience and see others views.
One other thing that has always played on my mind is there was one occasion when I was living my 'bad' lifestyle before prescribed with depression when I did alot of speed and literally felt like my nerves exploded, I have never felt the same since but am unsure whether this was just a bad come down and unmasked my depression or whether that one occasion could have caused my anxiety condition. Basically could one occasion like this have a permanent effect on my brain which I will never recover properly from?!
I'll stop talking sh*t now... any comments of suggestions would be appreciated and even if not thanks for reading my esssssay.