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an immense fear of getting new glasses and wearing them

H

hanx

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Singapore
Hello, I am not sure whether my problem falls under phobia/anxiety/PTSD/another category, so please feel free to tell me if I should move this post somewhere else.
I am currently experiencing a big problem connected to wearing glasses. Just some background info: I need to wear them all the time (I am very short-sighted and I can't wear contacts because they irritate my eyes). I am thinking about them every day, I worry very often, my crying attacks intensified over the past several weeks.
I wore glasses for 10 years and had no problems with that. However, last April they suddenly started to slide down. I took them to an optical shop and one of the staff members adjusted them for me. However, they were too tight and my head hurt after I wore them for some time. So I had them adjusted again, but this time they were too loose. So I started to adjust them by myself. I would bend the glasses temples every day. I would analyze whether they hurt me, at this specific moment, or not. I would excuse myself from social meetings, go to the bathroom and bend them. I would look at passersby and wonder how on earth are you able to wear glasses and just not think about them all the time.
In the meantime, I got a new pair. However, from the very beginning, the new pair was sliding down - again, I asked for adjustment. The optical shop staff member made them too tight again. I couldn't figure out what to do with this, because the summer break ended and I had to leave for college (I study on a different continent).
I came back to my old pair and after a month of bending, my old pair broke. I had to use adhesive tape to repair my old pair.
I started to have mental breakdowns around June. Now it's October and I am still crying at least two times a week cause I don't know, it's just difficult. I know that this is such a first world problem, but I can't seem to function properly if I am constantly worrying that my head hurts, or that the eyeglasses are sliding down. I started to become a recluse - after my classes end, I go back to my dorm, I avoid socializing with people.
In the meantime, I came back to therapy, my therapist validated my concerns that what's happening to me is not normal, and should not be happening. I went to an optical store with a friend, to feel better. Buying a new pair of eyeglasses was a very stressful experience but I finally decided on one pair. I collected it again and the new pair is not sliding down, but it digs into my head - the eyeglasses temples are bent under different angles, and it is driving me mad again. I couldn't finish eating dinner because when I started to think about them, I wanted to vomit.
I decided to return the new pair, ask for a refund, and shop for a new pair of glasses. But at this point I am running out of hope. I am afraid that I lost my ability to pick a pair of glasses and say whether it hurts me. I am afraid that I will pick up new glasses, try them on, decide that it's the right fit, pay, and then realize that they're hurting me again. I want to believe that the new pair is right SO MUCH that I am telling myself that no, it doesn't hurt, it is totally comfortable. I am afraid that I can't help myself. I am afraid that I will bring pain to myself again. I already have nightmares about buying glasses.
All I want is just to find a pair that wouldn't slide down and wouldn't dig into my head. Why is this so hard?
Sometimes I am so fed up with this that I wanna lie down and cry all the time. I am not suicidal, but at this point I often wish that I stopped existing. I know that it is stupid and I don't wish to harm myself but my mind is just tired.
I am not really expecting any breakthrough ideas on what to do, but writing this down helps me.
If you reached the last sentence, thank you.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,307
Location
USA
Were you diagnosed with an illness by your therapist? It sounds like some type of obsession or anxiety.Maybe some type of medication can help you?

Welcome btw.
 
H

hanx

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Singapore
I was not diagnosed with an illness; I asked my therapist whether I have anxiety and she said that she wouldn't use that word. She said that all of us have feelings and everyone can have problems controlling them.
Thank you for welcoming me.
 
H

hanx

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Singapore
Hey, so I got a new pair on Saturday and for some reason, they dig into the left side of my head. It's not as bad as it used to be, but it still makes me feel very anxious. I checked and they are bent under different angles again. I need to go back to the optical store and ask them what to do about it (and return the previous pair), but the mere thought of going back there makes me very anxious. What if they give me a new pair, and the glasses are not going to be bent under different angles, but they will still dig into my head?
I have been having several panic attacks since Saturday afternoon since I got the new pair. I have had gag reflex and I nearly vomited all of my meals, I am not able to focus on doing my work, and I started to cry in the public. I am constantly overpowered by a thought that I am too broken to be fixed, that I will never be fine again. I don't know why I am writing all this here, but it somehow calms me down. And I feel like I can't confide in my sister (because she also has mental health issues of her own), and my mum (because one of our closest relatives has recently been diagnosed with serious illness and I am already feeling like a piece of shit for being so anxious while our loved one is in danger).
 
H

hanx

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Singapore
just an update: i had an emergency counselling appointment and it's a little better now
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,307
Location
USA
I was not diagnosed with an illness; I asked my therapist whether I have anxiety and she said that she wouldn't use that word. She said that all of us have feelings and everyone can have problems controlling them.
Thank you for welcoming me.
I really think you need a different therapist if she doesn't consider what you're experiencing anxiety.
 
H

hanx

Member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Singapore
But during the emergency appointment she said that I am experiencing anxiety and she referred me to a psychiatrist
 
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