• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

An illness within another illness

M

Matt1989

Guest
Hello everyone. First off I'll begin by saying that I don't know if what I'm telling you is the truth or not. I've been telling myself lies for so long I don't know how I feel and if what I'm saying is the truth or not.

Basically sinse about the age of 16 (I'm 24 now) I have been telling lies on the grandest of scales. I tell lies and do things to make my life more interesting to me, and seem more interesting to other people. The fact is I am a loner, I like being a loner but I don't think it's doing my health any good. I sit in my room all day browsing the internet, watching TV series and just being the ultimate loner.

I watched the big bang theory and instantely took a liking to Sheldon, so I researched online about austism because that is the closest thing to which he resembles, and I actually booked an appointment with a psychiatrist and pretended to have aspergers. I fooled 3 psychiatrists into thinking I have aspergers and now I have that on my medical record even though I don't have aspergers. (I don't mind that it is on there, I quite like, makes me a more interesting person)

I am not proud of lying, but when I lie and make up stories, I feel like I am living a better life. Now it's getting a bit more serious, I want to take it to the next step after watching a TV series called Fringe. The character I like is called Walter Bishop and he is a scientist who deals with futuristic science / physics stuff. He spent 17 years in a mental institute for schizophrenia. As I have been watching the series more and more, I really want to "be in his position", I want to experience what it's like to be mentally ill, even though I'm not schizophrenic, I want to know what it's like.

I know this must be confusing but now back to the title, could I have a mental issue that is making me want to live these charatcers lives, even if it means lying to medical doctors and pretending to be something I'm not? I think I might actually be trying to purposely send myself insane.

So far I have fantasied about being a policeman, fbi agent, cia agent, military officer, MI5 agent, physicist, a person from another universe and a terrorist, like an actual terrorist... There's websites that sell legal amounts (trace amounts) of Plutonium and other nuclear material for testing gieger counters ect and I was going to buy some, break them open, rub the isotope on my hands and go into the MI5 headquarters so I set of their gieger counters, they'd call the police, I'd be arrested and interrogated and I'd pretend to withold information... all of this just so I get to see what it's like to be interrogated. I know this is not normal thinking. (The isotope is not dangerous in any way)

I crave excitement so much that I'm willing to do bad things, lie and fraud professionals but not so bad as to actually harm anyone, just waste peoples time.

Does this sound like I have a mental problem of some kind or am I just getting sucked into a fanstasy world that these characters live? I don't hear voices, I don't see things, I don't have suicidal thoughts or anything like that. I just want to live the lives of people in TV shows so badly that I'm willing to lie and fraud professionals and law enforcement just to do it.

That can't be normal can it? Who in their right mind wants to go to a psych unit... well I do :unsure:

Please help, I don't know if I should go to a psychiatrist or not because I think I will lie and over exaggerate things on purpose, but uncontrollably.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
40,809
Location
The Prancing Pony
I like your honesty. I like that you have been open about this.

Really, I think you are a fan. And if I am honest, so am I.

There is always chance that you could be the most honest, and someone like me, could be living the fantasy.

The mind is a strange beast.

I think you just have a healthy interest. I think around your age it is normal to fantasize. What separates a fantasy and a delusion? At least the fantasy is not scary and one can laugh about it.

You are an interesting person, and you have shown your honesty here.
 
D

diddypinks

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
1,946
I think you have a powerful imagination like my sister she lies but not in a bad way just I think like you to make herself sound more interesting. however seek help anyway why not go back to those people and say what you said here. take a leap of faith you don't have to be the worlds most interesting person, is this something you have always done? it is for my sister since she was very little.
 
M

Matt1989

Guest
I like your honesty.

Sticking with honesty, I kinda wanted you to tell me that I had some sort of illness. I think I'm purposely trying to find something, anything to make me seem different from the average person and because I don't have anything, I invent things.

After all isn't the reason we have favorite characters in tv shows is because in one way or another they appeal to us? My favorite characters appeal to me so much that I literally want to become them, live their lives ect

however seek help anyway why not go back to those people and say what you said here.
I could never admit the things I have lied about... I don't have it in me to tell the truth again, even if I did, I would just be forced to go back to the old me. I've been telling lies for 8 years now and I could never strip away those lies and go back to the normal average person with nothing different about me
 
Last edited:
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
40,762
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
this made me think of this guy Frank Abagnale


'Frank Abagnale became notorious for impersonating a pilot, a doctor, and a laywer while in his early 20s. He was arrested at 21 by the French police, and later hired by the FBI to teach them his fradulent tricks. He started his own consultating agency, educating corporations, financial institutions and government agencies'

xxxxxxxx
 
M

Matt1989

Guest
this made me think of this guy Frank Abagnale


'Frank Abagnale became notorious for impersonating a pilot, a doctor, and a laywer while in his early 20s. He was arrested at 21 by the French police, and later hired by the FBI to teach them his fradulent tricks. He started his own consultating agency, educating corporations, financial institutions and government agencies'

xxxxxxxx
What does this have to do with my post though? Sorry I'm a bit confused... I watched a film based on him starring leonardo dicaprio, it was a very good film
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
40,762
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
not much ,your pretending to be all the different personas from TV made me think of it is all
and in the end he became a very successful person working for the FBI so like ,nice happy ever after
whatever
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
40,809
Location
The Prancing Pony
Character forms over time.

Think of it as a sculpture of your personality formed over time from your struggles, choices, determinations and experiences.
 
M

Matt1989

Guest
Character forms over time.

Think of it as a sculpture of your personality formed over time from your struggles, choices, determinations and experiences.
So what you're saying is this is just a way of my brain working out what route to take? The thing is though I have only had 1 job sinse leaving school and I have been out of work for the last 5 years. I think if I keep on pretending to be people I'm not, I will never get a job.

I don't even want to be someone successful, just interesting and at the moment the most interesting of them all is Walter Bishop, but for me to become him, I need to have been through what he has been through, which means a stay of about 1 year inside a mental institute for schizophrenia. Which of course I would have to fake to get into such a facility.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
40,809
Location
The Prancing Pony
You could try faking it, see how far you get. I don't have an issue with it.

It would be a project for you, and would keep you occupied.

It will be hard work, and you would need to have a strong character.
 
L

lostminty

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
480
You sound incredibly bored. And very intelligent.

There's an infamous experiment where people faked their mental illness on admission, and went back to normal behaviour during their stay, but the staff still identified 'abnormal' behaviour so they continued to stay. Once this became known, hospitals started discharging actually ill people they suspected of being 'fakers'.
 
H

havn52

Guest
So what you're saying is this is just a way of my brain working out what route to take? The thing is though I have only had 1 job sinse leaving school and I have been out of work for the last 5 years. I think if I keep on pretending to be people I'm not, I will never get a job.

I don't even want to be someone successful, just interesting and at the moment the most interesting of them all is Walter Bishop, but for me to become him, I need to have been through what he has been through, which means a stay of about 1 year inside a mental institute for schizophrenia. Which of course I would have to fake to get into such a facility.
Hi,
the thing is none of us can become another person; everyone is unique, and that uniqueness is what makes each important and special; it is what makes each person of worth, and each has a contribution to make to life, which no-one else can do.

It is sad that so many are caused, in one way or another, to feel of less or no worth. Yes you can mimic someone else, but it would be such a waste and a loss for the world. Often people believe they must make a BIG contribution, a BIG difference; but really, how can any of us know the true value or size of the help we have given. The best and biggest differences made, are so often never known by the person who who made them.

Good luck with your future choices, and I hope that one of them will be to see that you are of value, just as you are.
 
S

secretsurvivor1

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 27, 2013
Messages
306
Location
SW UK
I am hesitant to answer this at all, as who you are (and if you lie) is kind of up to you, and no-one's business. Also, I am mentally ill with recurrent depression and Borderline Personality Disorder, and have been in hospital far too much. And actually it is not a lot of fun, really.

But it may help you to hear an alternative perspective, so here goes!

How it sounds to me is that you are BORED by your life of hiding in a room, LONELY, and UNIMPRESSED by your progress into the ADULT WORLD. I think most high emotion comes from fear, like WHAT IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ME, OR THINK MUCH OF ME. I think you are struggling to be interesting because you are locked in your room all day, so you have no story to tell other people. As soon as you get up the NERVE to stop hiding away engrossed in TV (which afterall isn't real, and these characters are fake too, the actor is completely different, that is why they are well-paid, because they can fool us into believing they are anybody). Step out into the world and see what's going on in REAL LIFE. Maybe someone will find you interesting, whatever you have to say. I have given attention to guys because they seemed the strong and silent type, wondering what is going on in their heads.
 
pepecat

pepecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,942
Location
middle earth
I wouldn't wish what i went through (mental health wise) on my worst enemy.
Be VERY careful about what you wish for, and about 'playing' the system and convincing people you're ill when you're not. It's not something I'd want to go through again, though I know full well I may well do.

Saying that though, the fact that you seem to want to have a mental illness - to be different somehow - would suggest there is SOMETHING going. Whether that in itself is a mental illness, I don't know, but there's obviously something underneath it all, because, as you say, most people don't want to be in a psych ward or to have mental health problems.
Having a mental health problem does make you 'different', sure, but not in a good way, trust me. It has implications all over the place.

I wonder why you want to feel 'different' - what is it about being 'normal' that you dislike or can't contemplate?
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
N What if my illness is what isn’t real Schizophrenia Forum 1
S Should I tell them I have mental illness/depression or schizophrenia? Schizophrenia Forum 15
T The lessons I learned about my mental illness. Schizophrenia Forum 4
R rethink mental illness Schizophrenia Forum 22
P Hell on earth! This illness is a curse Schizophrenia Forum 5
S Don't quit your job because of illness Schizophrenia Forum 3
O Make sure you are in the Severe Mental Illness category at your local GP surgery to get the Coronavirus vaccine Schizophrenia Forum 52
LORD BURT What is the worst aspect of this illness for you? Schizophrenia Forum 24
S Aspects of head and mental illness. Schizophrenia Forum 1
ht46 Creativity to help with mental illness Schizophrenia Forum 2
T How to live with this illness you guys? Schizophrenia Forum 33
T How did you know you had the illness? Schizophrenia Forum 105
H Stages of illness, will it ever end? Schizophrenia Forum 3
J Mental Illness and family Schizophrenia Forum 4
N Am I suffering from Schizophrenia or any other mental illness? Schizophrenia Forum 1
J Have You Learned Something From Your Illness? Schizophrenia Forum 12
E Could he have broken through the illness? Schizophrenia Forum 3
S has anyone recovered their senses after a long illness? Schizophrenia Forum 3
S Rant about stigma and mental illness Schizophrenia Forum 55
LORD BURT The Abandoned Illness - Five Years On Schizophrenia Forum 2
R illness exacerbated Schizophrenia Forum 5
boudreauj4 good books about mental illness or schizophrenia Schizophrenia Forum 5
N Have you ever been in denial about your illness? Schizophrenia Forum 5
cpuusage Severe mental illness linked to much higher risk for cardiovascular disease Schizophrenia Forum 2
Mark_01 Emotional Pain and Mental Illness Schizophrenia Forum 8
boudreauj4 Mental Illness in Music Schizophrenia Forum 7
cpuusage Identity & mental illness Schizophrenia Forum 22
S Whats your illness like for you, what do you believe? Schizophrenia Forum 4
kira32 My experience with mental illness - Schizophrenia Schizophrenia Forum 4
cpuusage Schizophrenia Is Not an Illness (Part 2) Schizophrenia Forum 46
F Women with schizophrenia share the hardest thing about their illness Schizophrenia Forum 5
cpuusage Schizophrenia is NOT a Real Illness; More Psychiatric Survivors will Surface Schizophrenia Forum 2
Inter Vivos An end to my illness. Schizophrenia Forum 4
cpuusage Focus on the symptoms instead of on the illness and solve the ‘schizophrenia’ problem Schizophrenia Forum 5
U Facing Jail Because Of Mental Illness Schizophrenia Forum 8
F Understandings of spirituality and its role in illness recovery in persons with schizophrenia and mental-health professionals: a qualitative study Schizophrenia Forum 2
N What do you think about how Schizophrenia/Mental Illness is portrayed in Media? Schizophrenia Forum 18
cpuusage Cost of lifelong illness Schizophrenia Forum 23
E Three Day Online Summit on Mental Illness and Spirituality Schizophrenia Forum 21
cpuusage Can We Replace Misleading Terms Like 'Mental Illness,' 'Patient,' and 'Schizophrenia' Schizophrenia Forum 75
S Could you or can you overcome your illness without meds??? Schizophrenia Forum 30
porkpie Have I really got a mental illness? Schizophrenia Forum 3
C Him or his illness? Want to learn. Schizophrenia Forum 7
cpuusage Schizophrenia is not a fatal illness, yet sufferers are still dying 20 years too soon Schizophrenia Forum 19
F Should pregnant women take stuff in the hope that it will stop a child from developing mental illness ? Schizophrenia Forum 1
F Neurocognition in schizophrenia: From prodrome to multi-episode illness Schizophrenia Forum 1
F Physical illness may add to schizophrenia risk Schizophrenia Forum 13
A Pyschiatry being abusive labeling me with this illness after they made me believe in mind control Schizophrenia Forum 16
M i dont know what illness i have? and GPs just want to feed me pills Schizophrenia Forum 8
|||ME||| You can't heal when you are calling parts of yourself an illness Schizophrenia Forum 26

Similar threads

Top