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Amazingly hard to make friends and I keep running away from possible relationships

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dj1UK

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Joined
Nov 8, 2015
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90
Amazingly hard to make friends and I keep running away from possible relationships

I'm beginning to make small efforts to talk to people again... not really the people I knew before, new people only.

I'm finding that most people simply don't want to know me and the people that I communicate with, normally stop all communication fairly quickly and the very few people that actually want to talk to me, I push away for reasons I don't know... I can't seem to not push away. This is even with women that are wanting a relationship with me.


I've also realised that when someone actually says to me that they like me, the first thing that I think is "they're lying".

I think part of these feeling is to do with my ex girlfriend and all the bad things that she did and telling me that I'm physically and sexually unattractive (even when we hadn't met yet because of long distance). It still makes me shudder when I think about that.
Also, for once I opened up to someone, then we had a relationship and if she could do all those bad things after knowing everything then maybe me not making friends and running away from possible relationships is due to me trying to protect myself.... I'm not sure.


But I'm looking for advice on what to do because with my best friend committing suicide and me blaming myself quite a lot, I talk to no one but family, who hate me. I've tried an online worldwide friend-making site though I had spouts of bad depression so I don't reply for weeks and then the people I was talking to, no longer want to talk.

Basically I'm sick of trying with nothing to show of it.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Former member
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Jul 8, 2013
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Sorry to hear about your strife and distress.

If you are experiencing poor mental health - friendships are difficult. In time things will improve, and friends will appear again.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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12,752
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Europe
Difficult. If you have a chequered history with making friends and are not good at keeping them, then to suddenly try and make a batch of *new* friends is tricky. You should realise that many people make maybe a dozen real friends in a lifetime, and they tend to accumulate them one or two at a time.

Maybe you should try being an active member of the forum for a while... Make say 10-15 posts a day, engage people, ask questions, help folks with their problems. Try and contact a few of the other members.
 
skinnyamerikano

skinnyamerikano

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Joined
Feb 25, 2016
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172
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Leeds, UK
Sorry to hear you're going thru this dj, I can definitely empathise cuz I'v never been great at making/keeping friends either, tho I am getting a little better. Some really good advice from Burt and Kerome, maybe take it slow.

I also think that the old saying about you have to love yourself before someone else can love you is true here, if you don't value yourself as a potential friend or partner, then others won't either. Maybe work on building your self esteem alongside looking for people to interact with. Good luck and don't give up.
 
G

Gladimeir15

Active member
Joined
Jan 28, 2016
Messages
39
I also think that the old saying about you have to love yourself before someone else can love you is true here, if you don't value yourself as a potential friend or partner, then others won't either. Maybe work on building your self esteem alongside looking for people to interact with. Good luck and don't give up.

I agree with this..You have to see the positive in you...Do not dwell on negative thoughts. Practice and learn to appreciate things about you. You should have to open your mind and on everything that surrounds you. .You are better than what you think of yourself. Don't be afraid to get hurt for its normal. Learn to accept and be accepted and have an open mind.
 

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