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Am I wrong for feeling this way about my neighbor?

PsychoBumby93

PsychoBumby93

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Detroit
Hi

My neighbor is getting on my last 1/4 of a nerve and I am literally thisclose to reading her the riot act.

My neighbor just got out of the hospital yesterday. My neighbor had a 95 percent blockage in her heart that she waited until basically the last minute to go to the hospital and get fixed. My neighbor is 64 years old and has a bad back and now has a really fragile heart. When the surgery was over and my neighbor was in recovery, all she did was argue and bitch and moan.

My neighbor was trying to pull tubes out of her body at several points, tubes that were helping to keep her alive.
My neighbor was literally cursing out the nurses. My neighbor did not want anything that the nurse was offering her to eat and instead of telling her in a nice pleasant way, she cursed out the poor girl. The nurse was going through hoops to try and help my neighbor, which only confirms the fact that nurses really are saints.

Several of my neighbor's family members came to the hospital to visit her and she wasn't listening to any of them. Oh and here's the kicker, 2 of her family members that showed up are nurses.

My neighbor was literally in the hospital, trying to kill herself in a sense and wasn't listening to anyone at all. We all told my neighbor to take it easy and she didn't want to listen to any of that. I was telling my neighbor not to pull out her tubes. The nurses were telling my neighbor not to pull out her tubes. Her own family was telling her NOT to pull out her tubes.

My neighbor was not even 2 hours out of heart surgery and wanted to walk up 4 flights of stairs to get her belongings. My neighbor was ready to leave the hospital 3 hours after surgery. What....the....fuck?

My neighbor was in the hospital about a day post surgery and was already talking about smoking a cigarette. If you have just had a MAJOR surgery, the last thing that you should want is a cigarette.

My neighbor has been acting like the supreme asshole of the coven for the last 3 days toward me and that makes no sense and let me tell you why.

I paid for the lyft to get her originally to the hospital. I sat with my neighbor for the entire first day that she was at the hospital, knowing full well that I had things to do that day.

Before I knew that my neighbor needed a surgery, I went into my pocket and brought her lunch.

I was going to leave my neighbor at the hospital yesterday because she's being such a bitch but the people who were supposed to pick her up, completely bailed on her. I spent my money to go back to the hospital and make sure that she had someone to get her home.

Do you have any idea what I have had to deal with for the past 3 days? All my neighbor has done is insult me. I could do something like tell her to take it easy or not to lift something heavy and she will still tell me to shut up.

My neighbor actually was threatening to walk home from the hospital when her family member bailed on her and that's why I went and got her. Its a good 20 to 30 minute walk from the hospital to our apartment building and this is someone who just had a MAJOR surgery. This is also someone who did have money in her purse to get home, even if I didn't show up.

My neighbor has called me 4 times in the last 2 hours and I haven't answered her. I know that she's old and I know that she needs help(possibly mental help too) but she's just getting on my last nerves. I don't mind coming down there and helping her clean up and doing little things for her but I just want some damn respect.

My neighbor has nobody else and that's why I bend over backwards for her. My neighbor's family doesn't really visit her unless someone dies. My neighbor's son committed suicide last July. I really am in a sense all she has but she works my nerves.

My neighbor was in the hospital last year for Pneumonia. It was Pneumonia to the point where she couldn't even walk without help. We are talking verge of death. My neighbor gets that fixed by a doctor and tells me to go buy her some fruit from the grocery store and I do it and she throws it away, fresh fruit. I didn't even ask for my money back but she didn't even thank me for doing that.

My neighbor will only call me when she wants something, its never to see if I am alive. Everyone keeps telling me(including an alheizmer's patient) that my neighbor uses me and my stupid ass doesn't listen, because I feel sorry for my neighbor.

My neighbor doesn't think that I should get mad at her for anything. In fact, she actually thinks that If I am mad at her or she gets on my nerves, its because I haven't taken my medicine. My neighbor has no actual idea if I am on medicine or not. It literally as though I am supposed to just take everything that she does to me and just be happy about it.

I don't even answer my phone for my neighbor 98 percent of the time. Before my neighbor's heart went belly up, I hadn't talked to her in at least a week. Its a very toxic environment but I keep remembering that she's old and you don't abandon your elders or disrespect your elders.

If I don't want to look after my neighbor, I look like an asshole. If I do want to look after her, I have to deal with bullshit.

Its a "Damned if I do, Damned if I don't" type situation.

I suffer from depression real bad and I am at a period in my life where I really don't want to be bothered with anyone but I have to force myself to do it. Everyone thinks that I am nice but they don't know that sometimes I just really want to draw the curtains and not exist anymore.

Does anyone know how I should deal with my neighbor? What advice would you give about this situation? What would you do in this situation?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
5,975
Location
Nashua NH
You are being your own worst enemy in this.
Being involved with this person seems the equivalent to self harming. No wonder her family doesn’t help her. Moving forward I’d be firmer with the boundaries that you set for her and block her calls.
 
Ghost_Owl

Ghost_Owl

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2017
Messages
756
Location
U.K
I am just going to be blunt. I don't know how it works in the states but if she has greater needs and they are not being met. That is not your role to step in and fill that gap. Kindness is great and all but if it is ruining you and she is being somewhat malicious. You are under no obligation to continue.

Maybe you could alert what ever authorities are involved in vulnerable demographics care? I can't say much there I only know what to contact in the U.K. It does indeed sound like they are using you. You say you don't disrespect your elders but respect is a two way street. This sounds entirely one sided and is straight up damaging you. The responsibility of her existence and how she looks after herself is on her or relevant services. You owe this person nothing, you owe them even less if they are making you ill.

It may seem callous but sometimes to guard yourself you have to recognise what is toxic and move away from it. You can't be healthy if you are constantly being poisoned. Sometimes other people are that poison. Maybe they are even exploiting your sympathetic tendencies. I can't know that but its worth considering as you know the situation better than I do. Plenty of people here to listen if you want to chat further.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
USA
I think she needs the sort of help you can’t give. You need to admit that to yourself and to her. Make boundaries. “I don’t mind helping you clean up sometimes but I can’t be at your beck and call because I need to keep myself healthy too”.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,205
Location
London, ON
She's an adult, even if she doesn't act it.

She acts teh brat, because it works - it gets her attention.

You need to let her deal with her own crap.

Also - 64 sn't really old.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,430
Location
North Carolina
Echo same feeling. You have no obligation to this person. Youve already been saint. Leave her alone for your mental health
 
P

Purpleplum

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Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,662
Location
nowhere
You don't have to be there for her but maybe this will explain why she's being like that. It's hard getting old and suddenly having to rely on others. People who have heart problems especially realize their mortality and living with a weakened heart is scary. She can't live like she used to live and she's mad at the world and probably at herself. Because of that she's lashing out at others. Anger is depression turned outwards.

In a way she could even be mad at you because you represent the physically healthier life she once had.

I don't thinks she just wants attention. Sickness and getting older can lead to depression and that's what it sounds like she has.
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
900
Location
USA
Wow, I really empathize with you on that. I had something similar, but far less severe. My person was needy, but alienated everyone around her like in your situation. It eventually brought out the passive-aggressive in me where I would always use her words against her when she needed something. "Oh, you were so disappointed in me last time when I went out of my way for you so best you find someone else who won't disappoint you. Good luck with that." Break eye contact, walk away.

I hope you are able to detach smoothly or that she sees what she is doing and fixes is, though I know that is unlikely based on what you shared.
 

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