• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Am I wrong for beating myself up today?

P

PercyPierce

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2018
Messages
2
Today, I had an encounter with a young street punk who has been harassing me for about a year. Now I have been handling him just fine by confronting him both verbally and physically up til today. Today, I didn't say a thing to him, and he told me keep walking, and I turned around and said why you keep messin with me, and he said something that made no sense, and I turned around and walked away. What bothers me is that When I turned around, I could have gotten blind-sided by him (or the other guy that was with him) or I could have gotten something thrown at my head, and injured. I also wished that I'd have punished him for opening his mouth and speaking to me after threatening and harassing me for the first time. And lastly, I just hate what I am and what I was in the past (some easy slow 2 time failing lame) and wish that I was a tough dangerous and scary person. So... I let myself have it. Now I got two hematomas (one on each side of my face) and I am thinking about quitting my job as a form of further self punishment. Can someone give me their point of view of this situation? Am I wrong for this? I really want to better myself, but perhaps caring too much is the problem.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,202
Hi PercyPierce,

Why quit your job? Why want to be someone you're not? What do you gain from doing this all?

Punishing yourself for something that doesn't matter does no one any favours! Be the bigger person and walk away from someone talking rubbish, and report them for harassment to the police if it's been that long. Whatever has happened in the past is over - you can't go back and change it, and lamenting over a small incident that means nothing does you no favours. Move on and live in your present and future!x

Much love <3
 
P

PercyPierce

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2018
Messages
2
Thanks for your input R_sxo. Quitting my job is just a small part of what i'm trying to do to make myself evolve into the man I always wanted to be.
I feel like quitting my job because what happened to me yesterday has made me so depressed, that I would cease to be productive at work.
See I wanted to fight that guy, and I walked away from that opportunity. I thought at that moment that "oh he aint sayin nothing THAT bad to me" so I turned and walked away. But now I'm evaluating it. And I said that I never should have let him speak to me at all. Every time I have walked away from fight opportunities, this happens. I might sound crazy for saying this, but I think fighting is what builds character and moral. And I see them as tests (pop quizzes) and I seem to almost always fail them from my point of view. The result of failing is to LOSE character and morale. So I am looking for someone to talk to about it so I can avert this self harm, and become better at solving my problems.

One more thing I want to add. There were two other times a half a decade ago, someone told me "Keep walkin" to my face and I smiled and walked away (like a goof) the first time, and didn't say anything the second. Yesterday when this similar thing happened I turned around and said "what's your problem" in a firm voice. So I guess I'm getting better at this. But I was about 24 then, and I'm 31 now. so not fast enough?
 
Last edited:
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,202
I can understand that you want to change and improve - I think that's something that several people will want. But quitting your job won't do that - in fact, I think it'll do the opposite. Working can help you build those skills, and help you improve into that future vision of yourself. If you really don't like the job, then that's fair enough, but then make sure you've found another place to work instead. I know you want to change, but don't stop your income source for it - the last thing you want in this situation is to end up in financial problems too. I can understand your desire to change, but it doesn't need to be drastic changes - even little changes can go a long way :)

I do think that you should talk to someone about all this though. I'd recommend seeing the GP and asking about counselling/therapy services - that can really help you to visualise your thoughts and gain some perspective on things :)

Hope things work out!

Much love <3
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
Slyway Self Harm Forum 7
A Self Harm Forum 2
Top