- Jan 8, 2021
Ive had OCD since I was a child. It has ruled my life and I don't know what to do anymore. When I was a kid it was simple. Dirty hands and germs. I honestly feel like those with Cleaning OCD are so lucky. Because I feel its impossible to recover from the kind I have. I have the Religious OCD. The OCD about things you can't see. Its scary as hell. Im a Christian. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I believe Jesus is God's son and that God rose him from the dead. You see that? I had to write that (even though it's true) because my thoughts are telling if I don't that im denying God. How do I know if I've done something wrong? I can't ask God like I ask a person . So how do I know? I dont. Thats the problem. There is no reassurance. So how do you recover from a kind of OCD like that? Everything I do, including breathing or drinking a soda gets turned into a religious matter. If I drink, they tell me that I'm agreeing to doing something sinful. If I close my eyes to sleep at night I'm doing something wrong. I don't want to die. But I don't want to live like this either. I'm begining to give up and getting depressed. Im begging for help but no one seems to be able to. Im stuck and I'm afraid that I will be for the rest of my life. I'm so jealous. You people who don't suffer ever day from mental torment. Its not fair. I wish I was someone else. But I'm stuck as me. And no matter how many time I confront thoughts and ignore them they just come back 3xs stronger. And I feel like im just too far gone in OCD to ever make it back to a happy life. If you pray to Jesus, please pray for me. But yes, I am a born again Christian. Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I believe he is Gods son and that God rose him from the dead.