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Am I the only one who actually does something embarrassing, every time?

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Y939

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Am I the only one who actually does something embarrassing, every time?

I went to the hospital yesterday to see the gastroenterologist, and the hospital is a very busy, crowded place that gives me dozens of negative thoughts before I even get out of the atrium. I went with my mother, as I go everywhere with my mother, and although I accomplished my mission (to come out with an endoscopy for celiac disease), I embarrassed myself a couple of times, as I always do. When I was being weighed, the nurse told me to step back, but I wasn't sure if I'd heard her correctly, so I hesitated, looking ridiculous, before taking an awkward step backwards that I tried to excuse as achy muscles. Later, by the time I went for a blood test, I'd been there for over an hour, had battled through three waiting rooms, so my mind was in a haze of panic when I walked in for my blood to be taken. I looked at the three nurses standing there smiling at me and it was like they were in a blur. It was a creepy blur of smiles! One of them told me to sit down in one of the cubicles, or at least I think she did, so I sat down. But a couple of seconds later they asked me if I was the next patient, and another woman was standing there. I was just in a confused haze, but realised it wasn't my turn, so I got up with an "oh," and went out to sit in the little waiting area. I have been hating myself since!

I honestly can't go a single day without an embarrassing moment when I leave the house. I always do something, blunder in some way, bumble like a fool because I can't think, can't focus, and honestly have no external awareness whatsoever. I'm hypervigilant, so why do I not have the awareness and clarity of what I'm doing? I know what everybody else is doing and I assess their threat level within seconds! I feel like I have no control of myself, my behaviour. My behaviour is caused by a separate entity and all I can do is watch. This is actually the reason that I don't attempt to meet people anymore, in any way, ever. I have a very long list that I have been adding situations to for years, a list of blundering, bumbling moments. This lack of awareness and simple self-control is what has made me hopeless about being around people. I am extremely lonely, but I have no way of getting my desires if... I can't control my own behaviour? I don't act the way I want. How do I take control of myself? My mind has been inhabited by a monster named Stupidity. :sorry:
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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I am an embarrassment myself. I am ashamed of how I act and how I use to act. I hope to find peace with myself. I'm sorry you go through that.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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You are definately not the only one. I'm dyslexic which means I'm incredibly clumsy and always doing stupid stuff like walking into things, tripping over things, falling over, dropping things etc. As I get older I care less and less what anyone else thinks though. If it helps at all I work in healthcare and if someone doesn't do what I ask then I assume it's because I haven't explained clearly enough I don't judge them for not understanding what I've asked.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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That should say dyspraxic not dyslexic, even auto correct doesn't know what dyspraxia is apparently :doh:
 
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BrokenToy

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When I feel embarrassed by something awkward I've done I put it into proportion by remembering this incident in the most public of places... Gary Lineker pooped himself while playing for England v Ireland in Dublin. In front of a packed stadium and live TV cameras. It's not graphic but heres the link if you want to see.

Gary Lineker has an unfortunate accident - YouTube
 
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Twokiwisandabanana

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No try to laugh at my mistakes we all make them
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I was sitting in a meeting when I had a terrible attack of flatulence... fart after lengthy smelly fart issued forth from my bottom. I’ve been trying to give up sugar and that makes you pass a lot of wind, it was all rather unfortunate.
 
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frogsplash

frogsplash

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hi Pixie, there really is nothing wrong with being a little quirky or different, and although it may be hard at first, if you could try to keep a sense of humour about it all, it would certainly all become less bothersome to you, especially as time goes on and with acceptance and reassurance to yourself that it's ok to be imperfect. most people you come across in life do have their own issues going on also, but some are simply better at hiding it than others, but it doesnt mean they dont have issues just because you cant see them
 
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schizophrenic123

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I was sitting in a meeting when I had a terrible attack of flatulence... fart after lengthy smelly fart issued forth from my bottom. I’ve been trying to give up sugar and that makes you pass a lot of wind, it was all rather unfortunate.
I can beat that. Lol I used to take diet pills that removed oils from your foods. Anal Leakage. Shit happens but we aren’t the only ones it happens to. It happens to everyone.
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

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I'm sorry you're struggling with this, Pixie, and hope everything comes back okay with the tests...
Do you think your lack of focus is a result of severe anxiety? I do that sometimes, too, when I get very anxious about something a mental block gets thrown up and I suddenly can't do the simplest of tasks.
Anxiety also likes to exaggerate our supposed blunders, make everything we do or say seem 1000x worse. Most people are able to laugh things off, but for those of us with anxiety, we cry about them instead and beat ourselves up for hours.

So, no, you are not alone, but it's only an embarrassment if you let it be. No one else can make you feel bad or silly, only those horrible thoughts in our head that like to bring us down and make us feel bad. I, personally, saw nothing embarrassing about either scenario you described. But I have come a long way over the last decade or so, learning when to not give a rat's a** about what other people think. I've also worked in some very public places and started realizing that everyone makes those tiny little errors every single day. Most people don't even notice or care that they are doing them because they really aren't a big deal, the anxiety just makes us want to believe they are. I'm sure if you practiced some anti-anxiety techniques or remedies these situations would be less painful for you and you could socialize with people again.

Sending you lots of love and support :hug:
 
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Hannajohn

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Try to approach such situations positively.
 
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George10111

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Hi I'm right there with you! I am ALWAYS embarrassed in public. I feel like I'm so out of sorts. Eating out is hard. I hate being at the very front of the line, trying to find my damn card while there are 10 impatient people behind me at the gas station. I hate even smoking cigarettes in public. I feel like people think I'm trying to look 'cool', but truthfully I'm ashamed of my filthy habit.
 
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Y939

Guest
I actually forgot I created this thread :doh:. Thank you for the replies! This makes me feel better. I do think my anxiety causes the lack of focus and the frequent blunders, I was always quite a daft character but I can remember a time (many years ago) when I wasn't accidentally doing silly things all the time! I wish I knew how to calm down and get clarity in the moment. It's hard when surrounded by people.

Maybe we can all share our embarrassing moments so we don't feel so alone with it lol. I was thinking of writing an article today about the art of being ridiculous, maybe remembering this thread is a sign that I should get thinking on it. :nod1:
 
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