E
elliemay52
Member
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2009
- Messages
- 6
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Firstly some background..........
I am a 52 year old woman and have always considered myself strong and able to cope with whatever life throws at me and up until now that has been the case..
For several years i was my husbands carer (he had Bi polar and psychotic depression) It was a full time job and left little time to mix with other people although i did work for 8 hours a week until i was laid off in july........
Then in the August my husband packed his stuff and walked out telling me he needed to live on his own,That he didnt trust me and that i was doctoring his meds ??!!! To be honest i wasnt that shocked his psychotic outbursts were always directed at me........
Anyway he left and i heard a month later he was in a small flat with a woman friend he had attended self help meetings with.(now that did shock me).
While all was going on i have had to sign on at the Jobcentre and finding work is proving so hard..I have no work history to speak off as all my adult life has been devoted to husband and now grown children.........
So i live on £64 a week and try to survive..........Daily looking for employment.....
On top of all this my youngest daughter got married and she and her husband have moved away as he is in the army.. The normal way of things and i accept this but......... My daughter has a little girl who is nearly 2 that i bought up from the day my daughter came home with her...I bonded with her like a mother would because my girl couldnt as she was suffering with severe post natal depression..We all lived together till they all moved away in August.......... I feel like some one has died and i will never get over it...........I was so close to that little girl and she has been wrenched from me and my heart is breaking..........They will be posted to Germany very soon and i will never get the chance to see her with my finances .I asked if she could stay with me from time to time but have been told that this will unsettle her and of course i accept and understand this.............
Now if all this isnt enough ...............On the 1st of jan 2010
My eldest son and his partner are emigrating to Australia.......Permanatly........
They have a leaving do planned.........I cant go........ i cant see them off to the airport i cant even think about it without crying..
Every minute of every day i am fighting really fighting to stop myself from breaking down...The slightest thing starts me crying ,i am breaking down in the street for the silliest reason.........Its getting harder and harder to keep control.......I am so frightened that if i do break down i will not be able to control my deep sadness and do something silly...........I have thought about suicide as a very reasonable solution ..........
I dont want to go on anti depressants and if go to the GP thats all he will offer....I have taken them before and the side effects of them are vile and i am NOT going on them...........
I dont sleep i am not eating properly...........I dont have friends only my children so i have no one i can talk to.....Even if i did have mates i cant go anywhere to socialise with no spare cash..........
I know i sound like a a complete whiner and as i am writing this i am telling myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it..........For years i have done that and i fear that this final blow will tip me over the edge.............Please any help advise would be welcome...........Ellie
Firstly some background..........
I am a 52 year old woman and have always considered myself strong and able to cope with whatever life throws at me and up until now that has been the case..
For several years i was my husbands carer (he had Bi polar and psychotic depression) It was a full time job and left little time to mix with other people although i did work for 8 hours a week until i was laid off in july........
Then in the August my husband packed his stuff and walked out telling me he needed to live on his own,That he didnt trust me and that i was doctoring his meds ??!!! To be honest i wasnt that shocked his psychotic outbursts were always directed at me........
Anyway he left and i heard a month later he was in a small flat with a woman friend he had attended self help meetings with.(now that did shock me).
While all was going on i have had to sign on at the Jobcentre and finding work is proving so hard..I have no work history to speak off as all my adult life has been devoted to husband and now grown children.........
So i live on £64 a week and try to survive..........Daily looking for employment.....
On top of all this my youngest daughter got married and she and her husband have moved away as he is in the army.. The normal way of things and i accept this but......... My daughter has a little girl who is nearly 2 that i bought up from the day my daughter came home with her...I bonded with her like a mother would because my girl couldnt as she was suffering with severe post natal depression..We all lived together till they all moved away in August.......... I feel like some one has died and i will never get over it...........I was so close to that little girl and she has been wrenched from me and my heart is breaking..........They will be posted to Germany very soon and i will never get the chance to see her with my finances .I asked if she could stay with me from time to time but have been told that this will unsettle her and of course i accept and understand this.............
Now if all this isnt enough ...............On the 1st of jan 2010
My eldest son and his partner are emigrating to Australia.......Permanatly........
They have a leaving do planned.........I cant go........ i cant see them off to the airport i cant even think about it without crying..
Every minute of every day i am fighting really fighting to stop myself from breaking down...The slightest thing starts me crying ,i am breaking down in the street for the silliest reason.........Its getting harder and harder to keep control.......I am so frightened that if i do break down i will not be able to control my deep sadness and do something silly...........I have thought about suicide as a very reasonable solution ..........
I dont want to go on anti depressants and if go to the GP thats all he will offer....I have taken them before and the side effects of them are vile and i am NOT going on them...........
I dont sleep i am not eating properly...........I dont have friends only my children so i have no one i can talk to.....Even if i did have mates i cant go anywhere to socialise with no spare cash..........
I know i sound like a a complete whiner and as i am writing this i am telling myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it..........For years i have done that and i fear that this final blow will tip me over the edge.............Please any help advise would be welcome...........Ellie