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am i sick ???

K

koms

New member
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
2
hi

i am a 34 yr old male married for 7 years now.....

my problem is that i am very flirtatious by nature and my gal friends say that i am a sweet but intelligent talker and somehow or the other the opposite sex gets attracted to me in no time of our meeting

now

the problem is that more than often my flirtings (usually SMS based) very soon turn into sexual discussions and then its hard for me to take a step back....this happens with me more than often and that is the time when i feel am i sick or what? or is it just a normal behaviour

now comes another major twist in the story that my wife has caught me thrice with undeleted flirtatious smses and i have appologised to her and then given it a serious thought and stopped it, but after 6 months or so i start it again with some other gal friend of mine....somehow i am not understanding that this, in contrary is affecting my married life

but i just cant resist when i am given attention by the opposite sex and get carried away and tend to do it again and again and again

i want a happy married life and not a disturbed one for sure

i seriously need some advice friends

help
 
unlucky

unlucky

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Mar 21, 2009
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I think you've got a very understanding wife!! If it was my husband he'd be out the door!! I think you've kind of answered your own question, if you can't be friends with females without flirting with them then I'd stick to male friends. I understand that the opposite sex can just be friends (I've got a couple of male friends myself) but if you're flirting with them then its going beyond the just friends mark. I don't think you're sick, I just think your being selfish!! When you feel like flirting with some indiscriminate female try to stop to think how this will make your wife feel. I'm sure you wouldn't be too happy if she was sending dirty texts to men.
 
daffy

daffy

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next time your thinking of sending a message just think how you would feel if your wife was doing the same thing to a male friend of hers. Would you think it was fine.

I can tell you now she wont keep on forgiving you.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Mmm this is a hard one. You see, in my previous job a bit of flirting with the opposite sex used to go a long way. In fact the banter in the office was often flirtatious and sexual. I guess however the flirting was always done in public when people could see it was just harmless banter, and i always made it clear that it was just banter, nothing more. And I never revealed anything intimate about me or my husband or our antics.

I'm not sure I would continue it through texts or emails or in private though because written word can always be misconstrude and it could be quite dangerous, why open a door for something more if you don't want to go through it?

My husband is never bothered by my flirting, in fact he finds it quite funny, and I would not be bothered if he harmlessly flirted with others. Sometimes the banter in his office is flirtatious, and full of sexual innuendos, and that doesn't bother me as long as he doesn't discuss our private antics.

Also when we went away this weekend he got chatted up by some girls (he wasn't flirting btw!), and when he informed them his wife was actualy sat next to them they looked quite scared. :scared: However I laughed my head off, because it didn't bother me in the slightest (and they were really beautiful girls!).

I guess we have a strong amount of trust between us, and strict boundaries about how far the harmless flirting can go. For example I would be upset if it continued in private or through phone calls and texts etc and he would too. Or if it got too sexual and serious.

I guess it all depends on why you are doing the flirting too. I do it because it is often quite funny in a group and I ham it up a bit too. However if you are doing it for real, or to get your kicks, or in hope of starting an affair, or because it gives you a sense of excitement that perhaps your relationship is not fulfilling, then perhaps rather than you being sick you are trying to fulfill a need for something with someone else when perhaps it should be with your wife. And yes if that is the case I can see why your wife would be upset with this and she has a right to be.

At the end of the day every relationship is different and has different boundaries you both have to decide what they are. If your wife is finding it upsetting then in my opinion you need to accept and respect that boundary, and try to fulfill your need to do this with her rather than others. :)
 
unlucky

unlucky

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I think theres a big difference between a bit of harmless banter and innuendo in public, which I am quite guilty of myself, and texting stuff of a sexual nature. Texting is a private thing between 2 people and to me is the first step on the way to cheating. I know from when I was single that almost all the time I texted or emailed intimate messages it ended up with me and the other person being more than friends (or at the very least one of us wanting it to be)
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
I think theres a big difference between a bit of harmless banter and innuendo in public, which I am quite guilty of myself, and texting stuff of a sexual nature. Texting is a private thing between 2 people and to me is the first step on the way to cheating. I know from when I was single that almost all the time I texted or emailed intimate messages it ended up with me and the other person being more than friends (or at the very least one of us wanting it to be)
That's very true :)
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
i think this comes down to where the line is for your wife, if she is bothered by what you are doing then you have to recognise this and step away from it. if you have trouble stopping then you have some type of addiction that needs help.

my OH flirts all the time, it doesnt bother me, its him and he likes the attention.
 
S

schizolanza

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
3,160
I hope I'm not too harsh but I think you are being a twat.You're married yet behave like you are single.Don't you love your wife?If not then get a divorce.You are lucky your wife puts up with it.How long before she says enough?
 
K

koms

New member
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
2
first of all letme appologise to you guys at MHF for the delay in writing but
the problem is that i am new to this site so still trying to get used to it....

thanxx all for the messages....

sapphhire ur advice and the note was very good and effective.....

thx to everyone

i would like to discuss in detail with everyone on thier POVs but lemme post this first reply and see where i stand technically on MHF ;-)
 
Neferakhet

Neferakhet

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2009
Messages
86
Location
Beyond the Styx
hi

i am a 34 yr old male married for 7 years now.....

my problem is that i am very flirtatious by nature and my gal friends say that i am a sweet but intelligent talker and somehow or the other the opposite sex gets attracted to me in no time of our meeting

now

the problem is that more than often my flirtings (usually SMS based) very soon turn into sexual discussions and then its hard for me to take a step back....this happens with me more than often and that is the time when i feel am i sick or what? or is it just a normal behaviour

now comes another major twist in the story that my wife has caught me thrice with undeleted flirtatious smses and i have appologised to her and then given it a serious thought and stopped it, but after 6 months or so i start it again with some other gal friend of mine....somehow i am not understanding that this, in contrary is affecting my married life

but i just cant resist when i am given attention by the opposite sex and get carried away and tend to do it again and again and again

i want a happy married life and not a disturbed one for sure

i seriously need some advice friends

help
Sounds like you are the lady's man when it comes to woman..which is actually a god-given gift which most men desire,an excellent trait.However at the sametime this is a curse if one is into long term relationships,for instance marriage.

It is most natural that it effects your marriage in a negative way.Now I won't counsel you to cease your flirting with other woman.. Not that only it will be hard for you to do..But if you do so,this time after a while you will feel that something is amiss at your life and will be prone to cause problems in your marriage.And also after your wife having caught you it will take lots of effort to convince her that your through with your naughty sms habits,and through with other women.

So in this case,my advice is to pay great attention to your sms,and other interactions with the other women.Try to hide it as best as you can,resort to lying and denial if need be.Otherwise she may not take it lightly a second time she caughts you..so you may expect retaliation from her,her doing the samething or she may divorce you.

Also it's useful to ask yourself..Are other women more important than your marriage? Sometimes it's hard to get all you want,and get both things.You need to think well and decide,then act accordingly..

Play with matches,there is the risk of burning yourself.So if you continue to play around expect your marriage to crumble.

So it all comes down to make a decision..and bearing its consequences,be that the other women or your wife..
 
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