K
Kate
New member
Founding Member
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2008
- Messages
- 4
Hi,
i've not idea even where to start, but here goes. I've been seeing a counselor for a few months as it felt like there was a war in my head... this has been going on for as long as i can remember, but it's as if i'm 'only allowed to see it' now and then. the rest of the time i live in a fog... like i'm watching my life on tv and looking on at myself. i don't feel anything... juts numb. the only thing i do ever feel is scared... it's like when i 'suddenly see' what's going on i'm scared to death and scared of even existing as it feels like i don;t most of the time. if i'm with other people it fels like i'm not there or invisible... like i could run around the room screaming and not be noticed. i have conflicting thoughts about everything... as if i'm thinking 10 different things at once... all with a different opinion. i often drift off 'into myself'... i don;t know where i go and time just seems to disappear... this is reallt affecting my work. it's as if even when i' working or doing something that i'm not really doing it... that i'm watching myself and it's being narated in my head. often feel like i'm having conversations in my head between all these different parts of me... yet can't quite hear or tune into what they're saying. i know it's not'voices'... i know it's me... yet it doesn;t feel like it.
i can't get close to anybody as i don;t feel anything, and even though a part of me yearns to be with somebody... another part can't... if i can't feel anything how can i be with someone? it's not fair on them. i can;t even feel close to friends and family... and when people say good things about me, i can;t believe them, as it's as if they're not saying them about me... how can they be... they don;t see the real me or what's going on inside.
i've been told before, when i went to the gp that i was depressed... i know i'm not... my brother has depression and i know the signs and have thought deeply about whether i am... but i'm not... this is different... i'm not depressed, i just don't feel anything... i just feel numb.
the best example i can give of this 'war in my head' is when i g clothes shopping... i can't stand it... it's as if there's all these different parts of me that all have different tastes and like different things... i end up feeling lost and don;t buy anything as it's as if i don;t know which bit i'm buying it for or there's no agreement about what to buy.
this is just part of it. i've felt like this as long as i can remember (my memory is also bad... it's as if sometimes i don't have a past as i struggle to remember it)...
i guess i just wanted to get this out. my therapist is great, but i wonder if he really get's it. does anyone else feel like this?
i've not idea even where to start, but here goes. I've been seeing a counselor for a few months as it felt like there was a war in my head... this has been going on for as long as i can remember, but it's as if i'm 'only allowed to see it' now and then. the rest of the time i live in a fog... like i'm watching my life on tv and looking on at myself. i don't feel anything... juts numb. the only thing i do ever feel is scared... it's like when i 'suddenly see' what's going on i'm scared to death and scared of even existing as it feels like i don;t most of the time. if i'm with other people it fels like i'm not there or invisible... like i could run around the room screaming and not be noticed. i have conflicting thoughts about everything... as if i'm thinking 10 different things at once... all with a different opinion. i often drift off 'into myself'... i don;t know where i go and time just seems to disappear... this is reallt affecting my work. it's as if even when i' working or doing something that i'm not really doing it... that i'm watching myself and it's being narated in my head. often feel like i'm having conversations in my head between all these different parts of me... yet can't quite hear or tune into what they're saying. i know it's not'voices'... i know it's me... yet it doesn;t feel like it.
i can't get close to anybody as i don;t feel anything, and even though a part of me yearns to be with somebody... another part can't... if i can't feel anything how can i be with someone? it's not fair on them. i can;t even feel close to friends and family... and when people say good things about me, i can;t believe them, as it's as if they're not saying them about me... how can they be... they don;t see the real me or what's going on inside.
i've been told before, when i went to the gp that i was depressed... i know i'm not... my brother has depression and i know the signs and have thought deeply about whether i am... but i'm not... this is different... i'm not depressed, i just don't feel anything... i just feel numb.
the best example i can give of this 'war in my head' is when i g clothes shopping... i can't stand it... it's as if there's all these different parts of me that all have different tastes and like different things... i end up feeling lost and don;t buy anything as it's as if i don;t know which bit i'm buying it for or there's no agreement about what to buy.
this is just part of it. i've felt like this as long as i can remember (my memory is also bad... it's as if sometimes i don't have a past as i struggle to remember it)...
i guess i just wanted to get this out. my therapist is great, but i wonder if he really get's it. does anyone else feel like this?