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Am I possibly narcissistic

M

Manson88

New member
Joined
Nov 18, 2020
Messages
1
Location
UK
I’m a 22 year old male and I always knew there was something up with me and it could be narcissism. My dad is definitely a narcissist or a sociopath like I’m 100% sure, so maybe this could be genetics.

I’m a bit different than him though because I do have anxiety, and also social anxiety. But I love it when I’m not anxious and I can be loud around my friends and then I’m usually a massive **** especially to other people. Like when I’m not anxious it’s as if I like to boast and show how confident I am. I have empathy but usually it’s mainly towards my family and animals. But I do feel sorry for some people.

I often daydream of myself having massive success, being rich, and seeing people’s reaction to my successes. Also I’m not sure why but I want to be a psychopath kind of? And if I am a narcissist it would make me feel even better about myself idk why, I guess I always wanted to be fucked up. Like in films I love psychos and I wanna be one, and this could be do to my ego? I’m definitely not a psycho because I do have anxiety and I am extremely patriotic and psychos usually don’t feel such strong connections to their heritage.

Also I had one serious relationship and once we became official I became more distant with her because I felt like I achieved what I wanted and after that I just couldn’t be bothered to really meet with her or try. I didn’t want to but I just became very uninterested in her. Eventually it ended and it felt good because she always wanted to meet up and it became annoying, from a mutual friend I heard that she was very depressed for like 6 months whereas I was fine.

When there is someone that I hate I sometimes daydream about like hurting them in a painful way, sounds fucked up but I wouldn’t ever do it. Overall I would say my ego is fragile, either I’m very happy and confident or the opposite and it feels like my world is ending.
Lastly I kind of enjoy seeing my friends fail or see something bad happening to them. Like if a friend gets addicted to gambling, or like even cigarettes it makes me feel happy because I know these are stupid addictions and I don’t have these so I won’t have to spend money on these stupid things. Makes me feel better I guess.
Could you tell me if I am possibly some kind of narcissist? And what type of narcissist? Or am I just not a nice person lol
 
A

Am33

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
210
Location
Fiji
Everyone has seeds of narcissism in them. It stems from our egos which is like a computer program that takes over our actions when we don't make mindful decisions .Letting our egos take over will cause you to become more and more narcissistic . Life is like a staircase if you take one step down you will become more and more narcissistic until its a downward spiral and you become a sociopath which leads to suffering .Or you take one step up and become more mindful of your choices seek to overcome the ego . Read Mary Shelly's classic Frankenstein that's
a story about the ego. How it ultimately becomes a monster and cause destruction and in the end kills the doctor who created it.
 
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