Am I on a bipolar "spectrum"?

W

wfoiefe

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Feb 23, 2019
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Vancouver
#1
Hi,


I’m wondering If there are different forms of bipolar disorder that don’t exactly match the official diagnosis criteria. I’m talking about subtler forms, and forms that aren’t often associated with the idea of bipolarity, but eventually turn into it later on or are better off being treated with mood stabilizers etc. I’ve been going through some issues for the past four years, it all began from an episode of obsessive earworms caused by hearing a song that I really liked. The earworm episode lasted for the entire night nonstop and it was really disturbing and caused a period of anxiety that I still haven’t completely recovered from yet. I think I was too stimulated by the feelings of joy or whatnot from hearing that song, but what makes me consider bipolarity isn’t just due to the severity of the episode, but also because of my temperament.

I’ve always had a depressive temperament since I was young and this eventually turned into something of a creative temperament later on, in which I spend a lot of time in my head, fantasizing and engaging in creative pursuits, and feeling deeply about things. Through research I found out that the creative temperament is linked to bipolarity. I’ve always had a depressive personality, and ever since I developed what seems to be full blown anxiety and depression (I’m 19 years old, this all first began when I was 15), I became more easily susceptible to strong feelings, like getting deeply excited about things I would usually like, but never had such a strong reaction to, or being more easily moved or emotionally swayed. I’ve always been extremely imaginative, and loved to engage in fiction. I was also shy and prone to feeling deeply, but ever since mental illness has entered my life it feels as if my emotions have been more “loose”. My mood has shifted completely; I’ve lost what it feels like to live normally, my mood is just varying levels of exhaustion and other symptoms would plague me as well, like rapid heartrate, and they would plague me deeply to the point where I can’t shake them off easily anymore. At times I would feel like I have energy at night, other times I’m exhausted. Most of the times, my energy levels are all over the place. All of this, including my depressive and weird personality just feels like a biological illness. I don’t know if this would be considered bipolarity after taking into account my temperament, and my behaviours since I was young. I also have an autistic older brother diagnosed with bipolar disorder (may be a misdiagnosis, but regardless, he has pretty random and pronounced mood swings).

I’ve also been called different or weird by others, and as of now, I have few close friends and I feel that I am quite socially awkward. I also feel that I may have some schizoid tendencies, as I’ve never really felt the desire to make friends since I was young, preferring instead to be alone, thinking that I’m just introverted and that there’s nothing wrong with that. But now after all the sudden, unexpected downhill spirals in my life, I don’t know, and I’m concerned.

Sorry if this was a ramble, I wrote this while feeling incredibly exhausted. Any insight would be appreciated.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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#2
i don't know much about bipolar but i really wanted to welcome you to the forum
i hope you find this place useful and someone comes along soon who can help
love Lu xx
 
T

Tabby120

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Feb 6, 2019
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#3
I cannot tell from your summary, have you seen a doctor? If not, then definitely do so. It's impossible to tell through the internet and self-diagnosing can be all sorts of wrong. A proper diagnosis is needed, and it's possible that there is nothing medically wrong.
 
G

Geriksparta88

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Apr 19, 2019
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#4
Hi there. Im not sure what mental illness i have. Anxiety at the most...but ive been misdiagnosed before. I havent used Clozapine for a few days. And you mentioned the earworm thing. Im having it right now! Its actually a peaceful song but im hearing it in my head involuntarily. And its only when im in my own bedroom. Tell me if you gotten over it or found a solution to your earworm problem. Thanks. Not sure if i should mention this to my doctor he'd probably get pissed off/and or tell my parents. Yikes. I supposed im also socially awkward, quiet, probably make people uncomfortable... maybe even annoying to others....idk. So...yeah...same boat.
 
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