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Am I manipulative for self harming?

A

Alianne

Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Ohio
So I’ve been struggling with self harm for the past 2 years almost. My roommate and close friend knows about it and is very helpful and understanding. I am so thankful for her. Unfortunately, I think that the action of self harm can come across manipulative at times (though not my intention at all). I know that it worries her that I do it and of course there isn’t a ton she can do to keep me safe.
Sometimes when I want to sh I tell her that I’m feeling that way. But more than wanting to actually do it, I want to feel that she is there to take care of me. That feels manipulative and bad to me, but it does help a lot to know someone cares deeply about me. I know I shouldn’t say something if I don’t absolutely mean it, but I usually am feeling like doing it too. Is it manipulative of me? and should I try to do a better job of not saying something so I don’t worry her or manipulate her into taking up her time on me?
 
I

IDontCare99

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2021
Messages
1,438
Location
NoWhere
So I’ve been struggling with self harm for the past 2 years almost. My roommate and close friend knows about it and is very helpful and understanding. I am so thankful for her. Unfortunately, I think that the action of self harm can come across manipulative at times (though not my intention at all). I know that it worries her that I do it and of course there isn’t a ton she can do to keep me safe.
Sometimes when I want to sh I tell her that I’m feeling that way. But more than wanting to actually do it, I want to feel that she is there to take care of me. That feels manipulative and bad to me, but it does help a lot to know someone cares deeply about me. I know I shouldn’t say something if I don’t absolutely mean it, but I usually am feeling like doing it too. Is it manipulative of me? and should I try to do a better job of not saying something so I don’t worry her or manipulate her into taking up her time on me?
It depends on *why* you are doing it. Are you doing it to keep from harming others, and from holding things in?

Or to get your way?
 
A

Alianne

Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Ohio
It depends on *why* you are doing it. Are you doing it to keep from harming others, and from holding things in?

Or to get your way?
My intention isn’t to get my way, but I feel like the effect can be similar since it’s a worrisome behavior, if that makes sense.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
2,915
Location
Australia
So I’ve been struggling with self harm for the past 2 years almost. My roommate and close friend knows about it and is very helpful and understanding. I am so thankful for her. Unfortunately, I think that the action of self harm can come across manipulative at times (though not my intention at all). I know that it worries her that I do it and of course there isn’t a ton she can do to keep me safe.
Sometimes when I want to sh I tell her that I’m feeling that way. But more than wanting to actually do it, I want to feel that she is there to take care of me. That feels manipulative and bad to me, but it does help a lot to know someone cares deeply about me. I know I shouldn’t say something if I don’t absolutely mean it, but I usually am feeling like doing it too. Is it manipulative of me? and should I try to do a better job of not saying something so I don’t worry her or manipulate her into taking up her time on me?
I get this. I don't see it as manipulative. I see it as different levels of the SH spectrum. One end is actual SH when you do it and it helps to feel a bit better in terms of release, expression, and visibly showing you're not ok to try and feel some sort of comfort. Somewhere along the spectrum further down is when you feel like doing it, but you don't actually really want to (which is a good thing), so you tell someone. So you try to get that comfort and help by TELLING that you're not ok instead of going to the higher part of the spectrum, hurting yourself, and showing that you're not ok.

Both are cries for help.
 
void_

void_

Active member
Joined
Jan 3, 2022
Messages
25
Location
somewhere
i don’t think it’s manipulative. of course, there are situations where it can be, but if you are seeking help and comfort, it isn’t manipulative. i used to do the same thing, so i get where you’re coming from. just make sure you aren’t overwhelming your roommate, you know? it gets easy to throw too much on people without realizing. i’m proud of you for seeking help when you need it, though- that’s really hard for a lot of people (including myself)
 

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