D
djowen
New member
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2009
- Messages
- 4
something happened today that made me look back on a lot of past situations that i normally would have written off as irresponsibility, or simple forgetfulness, too much alcohol, or the fact that the intelligence of others around me is inferior to my own.....and today, i'm thinking i may have a serious problem....
medical history: i am 27 year old male, nothing has happened to me that i feel has caused any mental trauma, the only thing that may have effected me mentally that i can think of is alcohol. i have never abused drugs, nor do i take ANY medication, i'm for the most part very health oriented, did like to party a lot with the alcohol from age 19-26ish, i have been sober for 97 days, not that i ever got out of control with alcohol, but it was hard for me to stop once i started, and i felt it was best i just didn't drink anymore
my wife is constantly annoyed with me, because apparently i will forget entire conversations that we had, i used to argue that she tries to talk to me while i'm busy doing other things and i can't concentrate on her voice and read/type/watch tv/study/etc at the same time, but she insists that i speak with her face to face, and literally do not remember entire conversations
my wife and coworkers tell me i said things i know i would never say, nothing bad, just random things (for example my chef [Malcolm] asked me why i told one of my servers [Paislie]that he was a "trekkie" i told him that was strange and i don't remember telling her that, in fact I had never in my life had a conversation with Malcolm about "Star Trek" [which i found out that day he hates, lol], I asked Paislie about it, and she said we had a conversation about movies and TV and how funny I thought it was that Chef Malcom loves Star Trek; i recently also apparently told my wife that i saw some movie with my sister[my wife was still upset that i saw this movie without her, i don't remember what movie it was]but it was a movie i have never seen nor had any interest in seeing)
what's really effecting me recently is I have been showing up to work on days off, and not showing up on scheduled days (this is particularly bad since I MAKE the schedule..and what has made me start thinking about this whole "am i losing it" thing)
I have learned through the years when two people disagree over something of unimportance, it is best to let it go, or "save face", I find myself often disagreeing with the way a particular situation happened, I always seem to remember details differently than others. I always just assumed that my memory is better than others', and I just "let them think they're right" to avoid a silly argument, and thinking back even in childhood i remember fighting with friends and my sister a lot because they "remembered something wrong", which now I'm second guessing myself on all these situations
In a little soul searching today, wondering if it's possible there might be something wrong, I think about something that has always bothered me...the fact that I have to fake a lot of emotions. A certain apathy I have for things I probably should care about, things I know other people would be very sad for, or very happy for, I find myself pretending to be very happy or pretending to be very sad, etc
I have a hard time concentrating. I feel like I'm in a cloud of thoughts and it takes a great deal of concentration to organize those thoughts. My brain is almost always thinking about everything that's going on in my life at the same time, it's very annoying. I don't believe this is ADD, I feel like I can actually see the thoughts going through my head but can't control them; there are certain things I am better at, like writing seems to come smoothly as long as someone doesn't interrupt me(which agitates me a lot and i'm normally very easy-going), and no matter how "cloudy" I am I always find clarity during driving, and am a very alert driver(as i've been told), things that include constant "motion" of thought come easy. Had a new job for the past 3 months as a restaurant manager, and since i've been in this position i find it very hard to get things done, i am always forgetting important things, even though i have a paper pad on me and try to write EVERYTHING down, i still seem to somehow forget, i've even noticed i've made notes in my pad and have no idea what i meant
anyway, i currently don't have any insurance, and i make too much money for medicare/medicaid type stuff, otherwise i would probably make an apmnt. to see someone, i've self diagnosed and treated myself for physical ailments, and i figure why not at least get some insight from others on if i need help, and things i can try to make this better...
or do i just sound like i need to relax and take a vacation, and all this is silly?
medical history: i am 27 year old male, nothing has happened to me that i feel has caused any mental trauma, the only thing that may have effected me mentally that i can think of is alcohol. i have never abused drugs, nor do i take ANY medication, i'm for the most part very health oriented, did like to party a lot with the alcohol from age 19-26ish, i have been sober for 97 days, not that i ever got out of control with alcohol, but it was hard for me to stop once i started, and i felt it was best i just didn't drink anymore
my wife is constantly annoyed with me, because apparently i will forget entire conversations that we had, i used to argue that she tries to talk to me while i'm busy doing other things and i can't concentrate on her voice and read/type/watch tv/study/etc at the same time, but she insists that i speak with her face to face, and literally do not remember entire conversations
my wife and coworkers tell me i said things i know i would never say, nothing bad, just random things (for example my chef [Malcolm] asked me why i told one of my servers [Paislie]that he was a "trekkie" i told him that was strange and i don't remember telling her that, in fact I had never in my life had a conversation with Malcolm about "Star Trek" [which i found out that day he hates, lol], I asked Paislie about it, and she said we had a conversation about movies and TV and how funny I thought it was that Chef Malcom loves Star Trek; i recently also apparently told my wife that i saw some movie with my sister[my wife was still upset that i saw this movie without her, i don't remember what movie it was]but it was a movie i have never seen nor had any interest in seeing)
what's really effecting me recently is I have been showing up to work on days off, and not showing up on scheduled days (this is particularly bad since I MAKE the schedule..and what has made me start thinking about this whole "am i losing it" thing)
I have learned through the years when two people disagree over something of unimportance, it is best to let it go, or "save face", I find myself often disagreeing with the way a particular situation happened, I always seem to remember details differently than others. I always just assumed that my memory is better than others', and I just "let them think they're right" to avoid a silly argument, and thinking back even in childhood i remember fighting with friends and my sister a lot because they "remembered something wrong", which now I'm second guessing myself on all these situations
In a little soul searching today, wondering if it's possible there might be something wrong, I think about something that has always bothered me...the fact that I have to fake a lot of emotions. A certain apathy I have for things I probably should care about, things I know other people would be very sad for, or very happy for, I find myself pretending to be very happy or pretending to be very sad, etc
I have a hard time concentrating. I feel like I'm in a cloud of thoughts and it takes a great deal of concentration to organize those thoughts. My brain is almost always thinking about everything that's going on in my life at the same time, it's very annoying. I don't believe this is ADD, I feel like I can actually see the thoughts going through my head but can't control them; there are certain things I am better at, like writing seems to come smoothly as long as someone doesn't interrupt me(which agitates me a lot and i'm normally very easy-going), and no matter how "cloudy" I am I always find clarity during driving, and am a very alert driver(as i've been told), things that include constant "motion" of thought come easy. Had a new job for the past 3 months as a restaurant manager, and since i've been in this position i find it very hard to get things done, i am always forgetting important things, even though i have a paper pad on me and try to write EVERYTHING down, i still seem to somehow forget, i've even noticed i've made notes in my pad and have no idea what i meant
anyway, i currently don't have any insurance, and i make too much money for medicare/medicaid type stuff, otherwise i would probably make an apmnt. to see someone, i've self diagnosed and treated myself for physical ailments, and i figure why not at least get some insight from others on if i need help, and things i can try to make this better...
or do i just sound like i need to relax and take a vacation, and all this is silly?