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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Am I living wrongly because I suffer so much?

M

Malvinka

Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Greece
For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
5,633
Location
England
We are all different, you should be yourself and do what you would like to do, not what you feel you should do.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,662
Location
nowhere
I think you're trying to force it and that you're too worried about finding someone. Worrying about finding someone will not attract others. People sense it, feel pressured and so they don't engage with that person.

You should go around loving being you and being happy with the things you do--even if you do them alone. This will draw others to you.

As far as seeing everyone being coupled---so many of those relationships you see are troubled. You only see what they want you to see. And some people get a partner because they feel like they're supposed to or because "that's what everyone else is doing".

Don't think it's all a fairy tale once you're in a relationship. In fact, it gets harder.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6,117
Location
Nashua NH
If you would like to find a boyfriend then you will have to put yourself out there to be where there are single men. This can mean being thoughtful and deliberate about going to parties and possibly trying to broaden your social networking. Have you tried online dating at all? Some people swear by it. The more people you come across the more chances you will have to find someone that you can be compatible with in a relationship. I would abandon the notion that there is just one person out there for you and think instead that there are likely many compatible partners. The key is putting yourself into as many opportunities as possible for you to find them and for them to find you. Good luck! xo, j
 
P

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
When you deal with difficult people, you have to let them go, if you cannot work things out. Dust yourself off, mentally and get back on the "love horse".
 

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