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Am I just selfish or is there something more?



New member
Aug 5, 2018
Hi everyone

I am currently waiting for a psychiatric referral on the NHS but since this can take a few weeks I'm going to ask for help here too.

I have been with my girlfriend for about six months now and I think the world of her. She has been an absolute god send to me. But for some reason I can't stop treating her like dirt.

I am a pathological liar and I have been my entire life, that is a fact that I definitely know about myself. I have lied to her about several things over the course of our relationship, where I am, what I'm doing etc. There have been other lies which have caused more damage. I lied about where I was when I was sleeping with another woman. I lied about having come off internet dating when I actually hadn't.

We just about managed to get past all of that but then recently she found out I was using social media to look at other women. Again, I tried to lie my way out of it but in the end I had to face what I had been doing.

This past week she was away with work and on the last day of her trip I had a phone call with a mental health service. For some reason I lied to her about when I actually had the call, even though I wasn't doing anything I shouldn't have been, I was just doing some coding on my computer. The truth is I didn't want to burden her and worry her with what had been discussed on my call, I just wanted to escape for a while to calm myself down as I was having some extremely negative thoughts. Once I had calmed down I never thought to message her to let her know I was ok.

And now most recently, I have an eye test coming up and had put in a holiday from work so I can attend, I had genuinely forgotten to tell her.

I have been this way for as long as I can remember. In my previous marriage I would always just forget to tell my wife about things that were going on.

There are many other underlying issues with my mind but I feel these are the only relevant ones at the moment as I just want to understand why I constantly fail to tell my partners about things that are going on. Am I just forgetful, am I abnormally selfish, I really don't know.


Well-known member
Jun 8, 2016
It sounds like two separate things to me. One is lying consciously to cover something up and the other is simply forgetting or not having the presence of mind to convey info to someone. One of those, the latter, you can't do too much about save for maybe leaving yourself notes to contact or tell someone something.
The former sounds like it could be part of your illness, depending on what that is of course. Or it could just be that you have no morals and treat people like dirt. You tell me.
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