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Am I invisable?

L

Lola

Guest
Nobody notices me, even the people who I am going to for help don't notice. It makes me feel like I'm attention seeking and have decided, fuck it, if the people who are employed to care don't, what's the point?

I saw my psychologist yesterday who said she thinks part of my problem is I just take everything people say and absorb it, people can be really horrible to me and I just believe it and accept it and this probably comes from my strict up bringing where if I defended myself or gave my point of view I got smacked or screamed at.

I don't know why I'm posting to be honest, everything is just so jumbled up in my head, I keep blurting out things that have no relavence to what has been spoken at that time. That's another thing that was said yesterday, normally I can articulate a response to people and I couldn't/can't do it, everything is mixed up.

All I want to know is what's wrong with me and how I can fix it. I started being treated for depression 10 yrs ago and I have never felt this way before. People keep asking me if I'm still taking my meds, which I am but things have changed now. I don't think depression is the problem anymore or the main problem anyway. If all these thoughts would go away I could concentrate on the depression, but feeling like everyone is watching me and talking,laughing about me is getting in the way. If I knew what was wrong and how to fix it I would have a bit of hope, at the moment I can't see an end to this.
 
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