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Am I, have I been dissociating?

M

MtD

Member
Joined
Mar 26, 2019
Messages
5
Location
NY
Hello,

I am here seeking understanding. From what I've been able to put together, I've been dissociating, or depersonalizing on occasion for a few months now. I figured I could likely find similar stories to mine and maybe gain some insight/advice to cope better.
This past Sunday afternoon I had a good day. I went out for a lunch date with a pretty girl, then to a movie. Then I played some disc golf (Try it, it's awesome) then came home to make dinner and relax before work Monday.
I'm sitting at the kitchen table with a beer and looking up some interesting information while dinner was on the stove. This was about 6-ish.
It felt like all of the sudden, though I doubt it, that I felt calmer than I was (I wasn't anxious or anything) and I generally felt pretty good. So I looked up from my screen and noticed everything felt...different. It was my kitchen, my things, it was my dinner on the stove, but it was different somehow.
So I look down at my arms and hands. I know they are mine, but it didn't seem right. I felt as if I was in a dream.
I could see, hear, taste, feel, etc. But everything had a dream like quality. I was very much with it, adding ingredients to the pan when needed. Typing in searches in google to keep learning. While it felt like a dream, it really did feel good.
Now my dinner should only take 45 min or so to prepare, but it was now somehow 9:30. I didn't burn anything, it turned out great. Though it had taken me somehow several hours to prepare.
I sit down to eat, then I'm the next thing I recall I'm in bed hearing my alarm.
I am so exhausted I can't barely tell where I am, so I call into work. I lay back down and sleep another 5 hours. I'm still wiped out today, called in again. But I'm fine now.
I don't know what a "normal" or stereotypical episode is like, but this seemed like it felt like it hit enough check boxes to qualify as dissociation.
Dreamlike wakefulness, losing time, amnesia, etc.
I'd be interested to hear others thoughts. I can't recall this happening really before, and it's kinda scary.

thanks,
 
M

MtD

Member
Joined
Mar 26, 2019
Messages
5
Location
NY
To add a little to the story. I missed two days of work because I have been so fatigued. Even today (Wednesday) I've been very tired as well.
I don't know when I went to bed on Sunday, I have no clue since then what happened to my missing time.
While I'm accustomed to losing sleep or feeling depressed. This is different. I've never lost time like this. I'm honestly a bit scared I'll end up hurting myself again. I had gotten quite dangerous to myself a long time ago and the idea of not knowing what I've done and the possibility of hurting myself while not being "present" is terrifying me right now.
 
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